Of being carried by the winds (automatic and manual labor)

There’s no control I have over when a trance is going to happen, or when one of my sorrows is going to wake up again. It’s one of the current issues I’m trying to comprehend better, this incapacity to do things because I have to wait for these winds of fortune or turbulence to carry me around.

There’s not much room for pride here as a huge chunk of what I achieved was done almost instinctively, or something. All that requires an actual effort from me is flawed in some way. For instance, these ideas I talk about might be interesting, but the execution is poor. Everything that comes from my direct attempts are trifling.

It’s one of my main concerns, having no control over what’s going on. I’m only lucky to have these ideas coming to me, they are natural to me. It’s the same for this motivation that makes my struggle constant. And that’s the reason why I dread so much any sign that these automatic forces might drain out.