Of reader’s reality

Even with my hardest efforts, this realm never seems to make true justice of the experience I’m going through. It’s because I know all these ideas are making a great difference inside me, but I wonder what is really showing up in here.

Writing on this blog has the one unexpected feedback that is to always make wonder what readers of my texts make of me. Someone quite egotistical, probably, the way it’s all me me me. Or then someone too unsure as I’m always changing the ideas and repeating them and creating names that are soon abandoned. Or then, I’m convinced, someone quite dreamy and innocent of the true hard paths.

While these might be some petty realizations, thinking of their silent judgment is very poignant, yet very important for making me cross rims of perception and broad my horizons. There’s always paranoia involved that bends my mind from here to there in matters of minutes as unsure my mind is about it all.

But if I manage to work with it and separate the grief from it, it might be a valuable tool. Also because I can study the logistics of writing to see why petty realizations are to happen, and study the better way to convey my messages in written form.