Of refrained potential

The fear I have of not getting anywhere in spite of my efforts is so great that I think I might unconsciously be holding back potential because of that. And as this realization showed up, the fear suddenly was unearthed together.

The unconscious belief in my mind is that if I am to unleash all of my potential and nothing happens, then I will be devastated. The outcome is then of half-assed attempts and frequent postponement that will let me avoid this terrible reality. Usually my unconscious beliefs are thick as a brick, but this time I am afraid this one might be true. It’d be a nuclear defeat that would take much too time for me to recover from.

Honestly, I only know what to do until some extent. Maybe I should try bending my mind not to worry too much about it all, but this whole silence towards everything I do is traumatizing. The future is such a frightening beast, and I can’t avoid it forever.