Of Gamma State

The past generation around May was a very interesting one. It showed some futurewards projections that made me expect interesting tomorrows to happen. The way it was unfulfilled and the midyear made me pay it with terrible assaults from the Scourgers starting in June, and July with Ushag’s leadership, I longed to reexperience that strength I once possessed.

The delta initiative to recover it started with the usual first step: naming my goal. Gamma State is how I’m defining the generation and the whole mental buildup that allowed me to have those feelings. It was a very successful delta recovery, the first one in mid of July, just before Ushag brought it down again. But now in August I’ve got it back with full power.

This state that makes me engage more easily in trances is made of several characteristics. The main one is definitely the feeling of independence. It’s the denial of the Outsider Complex, and allowing myself to feel life the way I like it, without this unconscious dark repression. It’s a spell that’s hard to be achieved, so it can’t be just be simple rational thought, even though it started with Vesta’s Spell in March. The confidence and sense of pride are other characteristics of the Gamma State related to this sense of independence.

The Gamma State was related to the release in May (as it might only be possible with the strength of this state), I should prepare myself to the incoming toll. I think I might not really be able to confront it, but I must be aware of the invading waves, and know how they behave, so maybe in the third one I could actually do something about it. Or maybe this time there’ll be no toll to take my energy as it happened in June, and I’d be actually feel really frustrated how my reaction can never be foreseen.

As it goes for the feeling of independence and confidence, this will sure call Csillag. Hopefully I can try maneuvering myself to land without crashing. Lately I’ve been getting a little more experienced in repelling the lead forces, so I am almost confident I can get out of this without much damage.