I’ve settled for a new principle in creating
these characters. While I can’t know which one of these are going to be actual
characters with any sort of relevance, I decided to simply go around making
characters for every dark emotion I have. Or at least the very basic part of
it, which is give it a name and treat it like it’s a person.
Before I can think of how Lazurian and Zhàn
scourgers would be like I have some new Ersatz scourgers (even if the
boundaries of the nationality doesn’t seem consistent). To start with it,
there’s a chthonic scourger I’m calling Draugr. It’s a beast representing
tragic events, like accidents or death or any event that will make you go
through the five stages of grief. It’s the moment when the ground disappears below
your feet (and in anime the character’s eyes go white). It happens when we lose
something important, and it can be about material things too. Neighboring
Draugr, I’ll call this other one Haugr, and it’s a very similar feeling, though
it’s more the doom-like atmosphere of disaster, and news that spread panic. It
can be sensationalism when we’re told of how some mortal disease is spreading
of the world or an economic crisis is coming or something that will totally
bring the end of the world as we know it, but it can also be when we heard the
company is going bankrupt and your job is at stake. When we’re alienated about
some subject, it’s easy for people to terrorize us with this feeling.
Then there’s Garm. It represents fear, though I
admit it’s a rather general feeling. And somehow I thought of it as a
lupine-looking being. He is a gatekeeper, probably preventing me from entering
Lazurian grounds. And here is one replacement, which fortunately isn’t as often
as I’d fear it to be, so Verfall is going to replace Sackgasser because I need
a sounding name for this. It’s the highest omega/sigma place I can reach, and
it can be about thoughts of suicide. It’s really, really dangerous and
apocalyptic. There’s another one here I’m calling Zerstör. It’s a very bad
feeling I experienced earlier this year, and this is some sort of
disappointment and disgust and it’s connected to Ushag, Älcke and Raseri.
And now there’s some of these which show this
problem with their boundaries. There’s just three of them, just two novel ones.
First there’s Zerzet, which is that feeling of moroseness and being really
unmotivated. I think it is neighboring one Zhàn scourger representing the lack
of something to fight for, though this is more like I can’t believe in myself or
I have no interest or energy or I’m too afraid to actually chasing things. It’s
also related to Frosq. The other one I’m calling Hiraeth, and there’s also
something of Zhàn essences to it too, as this is about the past. Hiraeth is the
melancholic feeling for things that were and are no more. It’s for those
friends we can’t no longer get in touch with, or routines that we can’t relive not
even once again. It’s things fallen in the black pit of past. As a scourger,
it’s not the nice nostalgia, but the feeling that the only things left are
semi-transparent recollections and repetitions. It’s about things that are no
more, and the feeling that the best of life is gone, and the future is pale.
And here is Nachzehrer again, this time with a more defined essence: it’s about
the feeling that it hurts being among others, a feeling of being an alien.
Truly feeling like you don’t sort of belong to this human species, but after
being excluded and rejected so many times…
So let’s go to the Lazurian feelings this time.
They are mostly feelings dealing with me being so dysfunctional and with the
incapacity to belong. So I’ll start
with, why not, Ifrit. It’s the feeling that my actions aren’t enough, as best
as I they can be. It’s when I think that trying leads only to failure, pretty
much like that quote from Homer Simpson. I feel pathetic as my best isn’t even
enough. Similar to it there’s Iblis, which is how unfair it is when I see other
making such less effort having such great rewards. Emshi is the feeling that
others despise me or think low of me. Shaytan is the paranoia when I simply try
to understand why it’s so easy for others to leave me, and insecurity that
makes me take such ridiculous conclusions. Hisaab is for the financial despair
of being unable to pay bills and the rent, or even worse, when you can’t even
buy food, it’s the powerlessness that is the worst feeling that can happen in
the circumstances of poverty. And in this sort of arabic-themed land, there
could be an overlord, or rather a sultan, to represent the feeling I’m failing
completely at life. The feeling as I know is going already to Verfall, but if
it ever comes to happen I need this spot, he’s being called Shadar. And for the
poignant army, which is when things have bitter memories to them, I’ll call
then Venin Soldiers.
And now it’s Zhàn time. Also like Lazurian,
it’s about myself being unable to deal with time or accepting and making good
use of it, and being so powerless against it. First one is a chthonic scourger
called Khorkhoi, and it represents the regret of wasted time, usually when I
look back to my life or think of all I could have been today. Yehren is for the
annoyance with time, like doing something that will crunch some time off my day
(and is neighboring with Avsky). Lenok is the feeling that there’s no future to
fight for, a life without passion, having no reason to get up in the morning.
Aswang is the last-minute panic and despair. I used to have this feeling a lot
in school when doing the homework; ‘give up, it’s too much to do in too little
of time’. And then there’s Loquat, for the accusation of age, mainly the
thought of “you’re not young anymore!”. The last one I have now is Nguyen,
which is the feeling that time is running out, but a long-term perception,
somewhat like the right hand of Hakr, who really seems to be the most powerful
of them, the heavy mortality (and neighboring Frosq). Yeah, he seems like a
worthy emperor.
So this is about it for now. A little too
rushed for something that requires careful thoughts, and it was so rushed
indeed that I feel I didn’t manage to glue the names to their correspondent
meaning, but I think that’s good for a brainstorm. So far as now I come to
begin to understand how Zhàn and Lazurian Scourgers are going to behave
differently from Ersatz, maybe they won’t going to have as many chthonic
forces, because I’m feeling they are going to be known for their crushing
voice. A kind of whispering, threatening voice that sounds familiar to me. They
remind me of Wormtongue…
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