Though Vesta and Hephaestus founded a bureaucratic system that was
aiding the development of Ilium, it was ill-used by Raseri, who was
too unfamiliar with the codes and constitutions founded for the
administration of the city. He was too dumb a creature to handle a
statute filled with many minutiae.
The end of the year was approaching, and the I was very worried about
it. The main problems I started having was how I felt I had such a
huge chunk of my life wasted, as I couldn't handle all these problems
already. If only I was a little more prepared, I wouldn't let myself
be troubled by others. I was supposed to be much more mature and I
was supposed to handle my feelings well. But then again, is maturity
an ability not to feel hurt, or to prevent myself from letting my
rage to hurt others? Still, I was supposed to be an adult already,
not just a tall child with beard.
The fuss in the city brough a Zhàn group to investigate the place.
There were permanent Zhàn watchtowers in these lands, and the
arrival of the Zhàn watchguard was announced by the arrival of the
baby-beast Khorkhoi, unleashed to the amusement of the imperial
troops. Khorkhoi was bigger than usual, and an abscission demon
surely had something to do with it. The beast was a really great
menace to Raseri, as he wouldn't know how much the city would stand
against the invasion of Ushag now with this mindless, chtonic
creature running wild and destroying all in its way.
The creature was only tamed by Hiraeth, who arrived followed by
Yehren. He wasn't one of the most powerful Zhàn scourgers, but he
arrived earlier as he lived in a nearby Zhàn watchtower, where he
made allegiance with the Ersatz clans, and he was an acquaintance of
Avsky.
I think constantly that, as I lost so much of my time, I need to make
up for it. And I see everything as pointless to bother, for I have to
think, I've got to get ideas, I've got to learn and create. It's just
too vicious and dangerous, because suddenly I realize I've been too
derangedly obssessed with this shit. So I don't bother with learning
car mechanics, or dancing, or just being with friends. I get really
distant and it bothers me terribly, feeling barely able to talk with
people. Hell, it gets to the point where even learning and creating
is affected by this.
The obstinated search for something, let's say, above ordinary made
me feel like I have to do just what makes me close to it. The part
that makes me feel ashamed is that I end up actually wasting my time
because of this extraordinarily restrictive indisposition and just do
nothing, because I'm not doing it peacefully, or sincerely
interested. It's somewhat of a still grieved attempt to prove my own
worth.
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