It gets frustating at times when I get around thinking about the same
issue for longer than a year and I still can get no satisfying
conclusion for it. There are moments when all that makes sense is
that I should let it go and move on, and that would be reasonable,
sane and healthy. For some reason, though, I can't, and so I keep
investing my time on this string thing.
The strange relationship between Ilium and Ersatz keeps tormenting me
and I don't usually have much time to think about this in the level
of trance that is required to find suitable answers. But one thing I
know. I know that Ilium and Ersatz have a much deeper and intimate
relationship than I would at first expect.
My resolution is that I am not just Ilium. I am both Ilium and
Ersatz. Them two represent me, so if there’s any piece of land
where I’ve been thinking of landing Ilium upon it, there shall have
Ersatz just along. And I am everything there, from all roadwork to
monuments but also ruins, poverty and some devastated places.
This struggle between them shows what I am... I am wreck and ruin,
but I am also hope and passion. I can't hide all the destruction that
has already happened inside me, all the conflict inside of me that
alreadys make me always quiet and isolated and introspective, but I
can't just pretend I'm made only of regret and guilt. Beautiful
landscapes could be found at the most unexpected places. Roses are
born amidst forsaken grounds.
As Ilium and Ersatz are the same, I think there’s just a confusing
entwinement of both worlds in the same place. And just like this
could mean landscapes changing frequently reflecting the internal
battles, weather could define this other way I think of Ilium and
Ersatz: Zephyr Winds and Haze Clouds (and there’s also gamma and
sigma).
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