Having lost contact with my Trygve essence almost completely in the
last months, I was getting convinced he would be gone for good. The
memories I had of it were just a long past and I felt that I just
could’t have it anymore. It sounds to me like something that was
only able to exist in a certain moment of my history. But some recent
experiences have shown me that maybe I just lost track of what Trygve
actually is meant to be.
It seems to me it’s a bond with Hephaestus, as I could have such a
joy in living that even pain was something to be pleasured. Having
the acute coldness of the wind severing my skin or then hurting
myself thoughtlessly with the because I just got too excited with
doing my things.
It also could have some negative aspects from my essence, though. For
instance that today I might be suffering the consequences of living
in such a careless manner, of being cool with being hungry because
I'm too busy studying. So I am seriously suspicious that Hrungnir
might have been part of this.
While there are wounds that don't heal and I am afraid of dealing
with them, diving right into them and feeling the pain extensively
is, if done carefully, the most cathartic action I can do. Trygve is
about this kind of catharsis, of stretching my limits, living in the
border, walking the edge of what I can stand. The pleasure I know I'm
not avoiding the limits of comfort zone, but facing my limits head
on. So he's the one to deal with my abscission arks.
That's the difference between Trygve's filtered catharsis and plain
self-destruction. That's how Trygve differs from Raseri. The latter
is hate towards the others (and Vesta can't work well with the
consequent hypocrisy). Trygve is an extrapolation of Hephaestus, as
the joy from all things include the painful, and seeing meaning in
that. So Trygve is perfectly possible to exist with Aine, as she is
meant to prevent me from unleashing my own Ersatz problems out of
this province.
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