The feeling of unbelongingness I'm constantly dealing with has to be
stringed properly into this world. So I feel like Ilium could be like
some sort of isolated city, resisting to change against some rules of
the world. And it can be seen in the way Ilium feels very small and
unattractive.
This represents my aspect to resist the change, just because Lazuria
could be making demands that Ilium refuses to attend. Or it just
can’t, because of Ersatz that limits it, filling the place with
dams. As these exigencies aren’t attended, I’m left out of the
league, and ignored behind.
The flames could be responsible for that. Resisting to let go of Áine
(and a bit of her essence is part of Hephaestus too) is responsible
for that, and so I think her role is getting a little more clear. As
I refuse to be part of a society that is demanding uncollectiveness
and lacking of care for the other, I am losing the game, because my
sensibility makes me weaker. (at the same time, I am growing to
become coldhearted and bothersome without noticing it)
I
just hope I’m not doing it for pride. I just don’t want to say
“no” to myself. Although I might hate myself for feeling left
behind and being me
as the main cause to it and at the heat of the moment I’d love
saying no to myself with the loudest scream, I can’t help but just
keep being me, which does makes me feel hurt, but...
I'm not sure whether the avoidance of change is saving my essence or
preventing me from evolving.
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