Of first bricks

Starting things is always difficult. Specially for me as I’m so stubborn that when I get an idea fixed in my head I’ll insist upon it until the end, even if I have no idea what I should be supposed to be doing. But starting and making me actually get into that thickheaded disposition is the tricky part.

It all has to do with my inability to just rationalize my own actions but having to somehow convince my own quintessences by transforming the words into q. spells. It’s because of this that I can have such a scary discipline to some things and be completely careless others (or then having it changing in relation to the very same subject).

I can get so addicted and blind to my vices that getting rid of them takes much more effort than just doing it once for the start, though. It isn’t trying to impose this first step and expecting I’ll follow it. It's very hard to get Vesta's orders in practice and make her plans work. They never go as intended, and it's frustrating.

Instead, it’s necessary the realization that this first brick is the beginning of a new accomplishment. And when I think of it like an actual building, I am almost working on Skinner’s Box logic, but this makes the discipline to recovery a little more rewarding.