Thursday, February 28, 2013

Of gem combinations

If there's anything I find unsatisfactory about gems and crests, other than the eventual lack of firm ground to step on here and there, it's how hard it is to keep track of my tasting of them. I wish I had a place to talk about discoveries I find, because I only have a short space to talk about the new gem, not to mention how I only get a glimpse of its potential when I first described them.

One nice aspect of gems that isn't very well explored when I am introducing them is how important it is for mindscapes to see how they interact. That's when the real magic happens. Cloudstone, for instance, goes along with everything. Zircon, Peridot, Tourmaline. The mere presence of this element (and it's a gem when I feel it in my mind), makes everything more zephyrous. A cloudy day is indeed the core of several dioramas and it’s also the days when I feel more sensitive and inspired as I walk through the city…

Zircon and Chrysoprase make a very nice combination too as the geographical landscape the city is in determines a solid part of the 'sense of place'. Some cities are in valleys, other are on infinite plains or on the very top of mountains, and that's a really nice realization to have when studying the genius loci of the world.

And I like thinking of this notion of chrysoprase as being in touch with our planet's foundations. I like mentally weighing the dimension of mountains and canyons and fields stretching to the horizon. And that brings me to Obsidian, as I end up realizing we're stepping on a giant space rock. It's strange when we think of space, being something so outsidish, being actually here inside our atmosphere.

Tourmaline has an interesting combination with Obsidian too. That is, when you’re out on the road late at night, and it’s all dark and you just get the eventual blinding lights of cars coming past us. The sky seems more likely to be perceived as the sideral space it in fact is. I can see more stars, occasional meteors and even the Milky Way. With Steel I think of space projects and space exploration programs. This makes me feel a great deal of crystals because it feels so nostalgic. But here comes a strange feeling I have no gem to describe it. Just so I will remember it later I’ll call it Space Terror. It’s based on my kid scare of extraterrestrial abduction and UFOs (damn you, Fire In The Sky).

The combination of Marble, Feldspar and Opal as the core of scary stories doesn’t quite work there (maybe I need more gems for that, like the absurd fear I used to have of seeing ghastly white faces and bizarre eyes staring at me from the window), but they cover very well the feeling of folklore tales, especially in brazilian countryside (so add some copper, malachite and peridot to it).

Speaking of marble and copper, I noticed Marble’s melancholic mortality once came suddenly recognizable when I was thinking of medieval times. They had their own carnelian happiness, but the daily life, at least as how I’ve learned it to be (and can be quite wrong), would be similar to current day Malachite (though our lignite and modern basalt spoil it off), plus it wasn’t just as natural as it seemed to be a feeling industrialized by the Catholic Church, I suppose.

Marble and turquoise have their own combination too, and the peacefulness that turquoise can create is used by several religions and healing techniques. In fact, healing seems to have its connection to water as cleansing relaxation, and esoteric treatment to scientific medicine use it: pharmacies and hospital bear some presence of turquoise.

That is a gem that is quite a finding, turquoise. It is bringing a lot of effects and realizations upon the other gems. As it’s very closely related to the feeling of fresh air, I once felt it when looking to some nearby trees, even though there wasn’t exactly water nearby. Maybe the greenness of trees made me feel the association as, well, water is essential to life and growth and green shows that. This song is a hymn to that feeling.

By the way, peridot and rainstone make a very nice combination that reminds me of aventurine as it reminds me of adventure movies and games in dark and rainy days, so it’s one of these great combinations of onyx and zinc. And I think of Bohmite as it reminds me those old crystal days I’d be in my room in a rainy Sunday morning and my mother was cooking something special for lunch. Also, this rainy zinc is perfect to sleep cuddled with our loved one.

But hey, that’s enough for now. Gee, those crest-travels sure lead to very inspiring times. See, that’s what I find so utterly fascinating about gems. It’s the way I can recreate scenarios and travel through places, memories and feelings simply with this kit of spells to feel the creativity flowing through me.

Of Gem Stats (the road so far)

Recording my steps seems important to me and I do it to some unnecessary extent. But what can I do, I feel that this might be important someday. So here it goes a tracking of the progress of the gemstones.

March (1)

May  +1 (2)
Amethyst (from áine)

June +1 (3)

July +7 (v1-10)
Amber, Garnet, Opal (from trygve), Aquamarine, Peridot, Zircon, Quartz.

August +4 (v1.5-14)
Copper, Bronze, Silver (from vesta), Gold (from vesta).

October +10 (v2-24)
Emerald (from aquamarine), Sapphire (from aquamarine), Ruby (from aquamarine), Topaz (from aquamarine/amber), Pearl (from amethyst), Onyx (from zircon/chrysoberyl), Steel (from silver), Diamond (from quartz), Setting Stones (from peridot), Obsidian (from moonstone).

December +6 (v3-30)
Season Beryls (from peridot/chrysoberyl), Malachite (from peridot), Cobalt (from copper/zircon), Aventurine (from zhu rong/steel), Olivine (from peridot), Howlite (from lazulite).

February + 23 (v5-53)
Chrysoprase (from chrysoberyl), Turquoise (from peridot/topaz), Agate (from amber), Nephrite (from peridot), Carnelian (from aquamarine/ruby), Ilite (from aquamarine/ruby), Bohmite (from amber), Alunite (from amethyst), Tourmaline (from copper/zircon), Zeolite (from zircon), Feldspar, Marble (from garnet/opal), Jade (from lazulite), Zinc (from zircon), Lignite (from onyx), Iolite (from lazulite), Basalt (from copper), Copal (from cobalt), Crystal (from quartz), Hessonite, Helvite, Hiddenite, Herderite (all craft gems from howlite, with hiddenite coming from silver/gold).

Now, what can I read from this data? I don’t know.

But here’s something interesting, the way the new gems branch off from the original ten. It’s weird to think some of these were hidden in other so seemingly unrelated stones. But it seems I had them pretty solid, because I was just carving these dissidences out and the old gem is still there, pretty intact. I like seeing how the ten original are still strong as ever, I don’t know how I didn’t really mess it up completely. But I’m glad it’s working decently and today I think of them as my founding gems, pretty much like the elderly guiding youngsters. They create these main streams from where other gems guide themselves, so it’s also like classes and the leaders fight to have the new talent in their new group, but some found some competing tent for themselves, how daring of them. Or then they are like a growing family, and Peridot and Aquamarine are some proliferous mothers, for the love of god. Or then it’s like each new version brings new people, like every class every new year and a whole new story can be told. Alunite got in college and fell in love with Nephrite. Ilite and Carnelian were always hanging out together and laughing (some Merry and Pippin style of fun), while the H gems are the nerds and Bohmite simply is one like Bombur and Obelix and… pardon me, I digress.

One theme that happened here and that has happened with flames, with scourgers, with axioms and every other series of “collectible” stuff, it had its pioneer. Hephaestus, Csillag, Exhaustion. And for gems it was lazulite. And as it went, with the major crests being defined, soon I aimed for going nano. For the string story I’d be bothered with the never-ending exponential fractalization, but not so much here, no. What matters to me is to get fluent in this manner of understanding my experiences and also the surroundings during these experiences. 

Of Gemstones v5.0

Prepare yourselves, this time it is getting real thick.

It was glooming over me the feeling I couldn’t possibly cover the experience of life perfectly with my gems, but I decided to take the dare. I’ve decided to identify all influential elements of the mindscapes I experience, even if they’re subtle, unseen or even imagined.

It’s important for me to know them all very clearly, so if it was feeling overabundant before, this time its numbers skyrocketed (and I am just going straight to fifth version because of that). They’re all getting to really big number. But I am not annoyed by that, because at least it’s working, and for that I am willing to sacrifice the simple and concise effort. I know even the notion of crests is getting confused and might be in conflict with some choices, but I’m enjoying the risk, I don’t even mind if it reaches up to one hundred. I could name all 151 pokemon, why can’t I know by heart these things that are basically the tastes of mine? Anyway, I first need to have something before doing the correction or simplification. Also there’s one very positive feedback about this that I feel I’m tasting life more thoroughly as I’m trying to broad my spectrum of experiences and increasing my sensitivity as I try to identify, separate and classify all these tastes.

So here we go!

One of the most important things of this version is that this time I wasn’t just adding new gems, but I’ve made an accommodation to some loose stones that have been making me uncomfortable. It was the sunstone, moonstone and similar of kind. I had them called setting stones but I was taking them individually, so I’m going for a change and tight them by calling them all Weatherstones. It’s how I am going to analyze the condition of the surrounding climate. I’m still using their names like before because it sounds cool. Is it daytime? Daystone! Nighttime? Nightstone! Is there a moon hovering out there? Moonstone! Out on a windy mountain? Windstone, and probably sunstone as usually that ball of fire feels closer up there. Fogstone, snowstone. Whatever you want, there you have it. Season Beryls are similar but they’ll stay there untouched, and they can often be used along with weatherstones, like late summer/early autumn air and windstone.

And now I’ve just mentioned a mountain, there’s this other gem called Chrysoprase that is going to relate to the landscape and overall geographical conditions. Prairies, mountains, valleys, cliffs and caves. Open fields and broken terrains. This ground here, made of earth, sand and rock. It is supposed to be related with Chrysoberyls as the elements that encompass the landscape and atmosphere. Chrysoberyls end up being more about the air and perception of distance, proportion and weight, which makes it very close to the Chrysoprase, like a distant mountain and all this air in-between, and all the space between me on the top of this cliff and the ground way down below, with huge rocks now looking so tiny.

There’s one gem to represent water, and it’s called Turquoise. It’s weird to select a whole gemstone for an element like this, but it seems to work. And it’s much more effective I could ever expect. Apparently water is so important to us that its mere presence plays with us. So if there’s a lake, pond, river, waterfall or even an artificial source of water, it will do something to the ambient, probably because of this feeling of peace (maybe the survival instinct being relaxed). Also it’s something related to taking a bath, as for instance that awesome feeling of going under the cold shower after a hot day of sweating , or taking a shower before going out, and the difference between that and going out unshowered.

So, if there’s water, there must be fire. Agate would represent a rarer presence of fire in my life. It’s the glowing heat and crackling sounds of a bonfire. Depending on the circumstances, having a fire or oven lit nearby for us to warm ourselves can be a great feeling, enough to become a gemstone. Strangely, Agate is closer to Amber than Turquoise, the later being closer to Topaz. Um, and there’s this influence that oven smoke has on me, I think it can be around here because there’s no smoke without fire, right?

Bonfire and hippie lifestyle has a gem of its own. I’m choosing Nephrite just because. It’s the laidback kind of people much common around college grounds. Not something I go along really well, but it had its influence to me. Nephrite encompasses the handmade artifacts and anti-industrial attitude. Also classic rock, weed, psychedelic art, weed, hallucinations, gnomes and mushrooms. They’re so into weed it’s annoying. There’s something else to it, which could be another gem itself, but for now I’ll leave that sort of esotericism in here.

Festivals and other big events now finally have a gem of their own. And it’s one of these very rare and very fitting names: Carnelian. It can even be used for holidays like Christmas (and represent that time of the year). It’s there for weddings and graduations, so it’s intimate with Ruby (it branched off from there, to be honest). It can have ethnical topics, and so it can be mixed with Copper, as for instance German or Japanese festivals or even about our own culture (my favorite one being this one being translated as St. John’s Eve, and it’s a malachite-celebration type of festival). It can be an imagetic gemstone (usually followed by moonstone) but also is something that remains influential in the air, like an unseen element: the anticipation for the party or event next week or tomorrow already. I’m so excited/nervous/upset! Can you feel the amethyst in the air? This will be the chance to invite her for a dance!

And like nephrite and carnelian, there’s something else I don’t enjoy that much but it has its own nice flavor once in a while. Ilite represents the drinks, especially alcoholic. And it can also be the enthralling attraction of drugs for those who fall for that lure. It’s naturally related to ruby and carnelian, but they’re not always together, such as Christmas. New Year’s Eve has champagne, so it’s carnelian with ilite, you see. I also have memories of ilite with amethysts when I was taking courage to talk to that girl. Ilite is in that feeling in your stomach when you’re getting home almost at dawn. Also, as there can be wine, which can be more romantic, and so it’s more amethyst with amber and topaz or sapphire and aventurine as you’re camping with friends next to the lake by the fire and sounds of crickets rather than the usual rubian-carnelian craze.

Following drinks, there must be food! No, it’s not really far-fetched. The smell of food does wonders to my brains, so it’s effective just like Turquoise. I’ve chosen Bohmite because it probably reminds me of “bohemian” and also there’s something that reminds me of Vikings somehow and it makes me think of a greasy boar steak (I was affected by reading too much Asterix as a child). Vegetables are more like olivine, while sugary things feel more like…

Alunite. This one is another dissidence of Amethyst (Pearl being the first one, though they’re all in fact fractalizations of Áine). So I realized that my taste for delicate things wasn’t always or even mostly related only to the feminine, though it’s a natural bond. Alunite is more likely my own feminine side. Cute little puppies, silk touch and pastel tonality; koji kondo’s songs, pantyhose and cute female footwear, jasmine scents, soft breeze at twilight, colorful sweeties and candies. It has to do with the suave and smooth, the innocent cheerfulness Nintendo always place their bet on. It’s for what is gentle to my senses. This way, amethyst can be more about the romantic relation between man and woman, that is, the romantic effect women have on me as man (as it's in my heterosexual point of view, so if one desires it can be man and man or woman and woman or some genderfuck combinations, you go with what you like).

There’s this taste of mine for trips, roads, travels. Tourmaline is about the landscapes, cities, the sights and road signs, the asphalt and the awful smell of burning brakes of trucks. So it goes along with zircon and chrysoprase, chrysoberyl, howlite, peridot and even other unidentified elements: even bohmite when you have to eat in those unsavory restaurants. As it can represent the process of being in movement, it can be in minor scales like daily commuting. One important aspect of tourmaline is that there’s always something on the other side of the road (usually carnelian and it makes me wish the trip could go on longer). It’s also in interstate bus stations, airports and sometimes is followed by the feeling of endings and departures, and that can be a more heart-breaking, tear-inducing feeling when you’re with watery eyes watching the world pass by outside the window.

When traveling through the country we meet several new places, and the aura of small cities is something very particular. I’m calling it Zeolite. It has been a subtype of Zircon so far, but now it seems better if it’s fractalized. Zeolite represents a feeling of melancholy, but it can also be nostalgia (so that’s more personal). These cities feel like they were lost in time, so it’s very well connected with cobalt. It can be disturbing too, as if the abandonment of the place will get to me and hold me there. Along with cloudstone it creates an effect that is also mixed with tourmaline so I don’t know if it’s a diorama or what. Anyway, in the process so far there’s Peridot, Malachite, Zeolite and Zircon, and the process of urbanization seems more covered.

The presence of animals is going to be called Feldspar. It ends up being more easily associated with malachite and zeolite environments than zircon. Feldspar stinks, and people who’ve been in farms know that very well, how pigs, horses, cows and chickens shit just all over the place, mind your steps there. We’re more used to pets so feldspar is in this feeling of tame friendliness. Feldspar, on the other hand, can be related to the wilderness, therefore a rather uncomfortable feeling when you’re all alone out in the woods. Feldspar can also, understandably, be related to beasts and monsters as you imagine a motherfucking tiger or bear roaming around your terrain during the night, so in legends and scary stories it’s also present. It’s also curiously close to Opal in their feeling of rawness and brutality, the opened guts and smell of decay in their breath. Feldspar and Peridots also make for an interesting combination, which makes me think of a cute rustic house with raw-looking wood and fur (and agate/amber combination plus olivine for this presence of herbs and plants), and having a bear or a white wolf for a pet (because I wish I was a badass Scandinavian hermit).

And now there’s this gem that made me quite intrigued as I never realized its peculiar power. I’m calling it Marble and it’s the feeling of death and mortality, though not a scourging one. It’s sad and melancholic, and there’s some curious tint of religiosity to it too, especially churches, just riddled with the feeling of marble. It’s close to garnet, as of eeriness, but can also be something more smooth and neutral. It can be quiet, mysterious and still disturbing, pretty much like death itself. Spooky stories about ghosts and spirits have this aura of marble to them (and was when listening to people telling those stories I crafted this gemstone). Zeolite has connections with Marble, because of small cities seem to have more religious people. Zeolite, Marble and Opal pretty much describe Silent Hill for me. Also worth mentioning, there’s a bond between Opal, Garnet and Marble. Opal is the untamed, raw and savage, marble is silent and garnet is moody and quite theatrical. There’s probably more gems to come from there, but I can’t tell about that now. I can tell, though, that I’m having one hell of fun comparing these three feelings.

Maybe this next one will have something to do with the Garnet/Opal/Marble trio, but as for now I haven’t recognized any relevant similarity. Jade is about the mystical and dream-like things, maybe hallucinations. Something about the surreal, and also poetic, so there could be something of Nephrite and Lazulite coming to it. Fairy tales have something of jade to them, with a slice of alunite enchantment. So not the opal-riddled Grimm’s tales. Hey, why not?

Taking a different turn now, I was feeling a need to explain the feeling of indoors ambience, and I’ll stay with Zinc. Most frequently it’s home, but it can also be in other atmospheres. I usually think of academic or office rooms (with some 90’s cobalt to it). As for the houses, it follows the sense of place similar to zircon, as each place seems to have an identity, smell and, why not, a character of its own. Also, one of the usual aspects of zinc is how it depends a lot on what’s outside. Sunstone? Rainstone? Is there an open field or a wall if you stare out of your window?

And now we’re back inside, let’s look at this gem that represents, primarily, the cyberworld. I’m calling it Lignite, and it’s sort of a fractal of onyx. It’s about all sites and web celebrities, all news and attractions it can offer, all shows and vlogs and blogs and forum threads and podcasts, memes, movies, games, books and series and overall onyx-related material we can find and learn from there. And also people we meet there, we feel closer to the world, closer to where it’s important to be. I think it’s because of this that we miss it the most when we’re out of connection, it’s being no longer in touch with the rest of the world (we linger around facebook because of emerald/sapphire?). It’s a feeling I have connected with zircon, and lignite itself feels like a super zircon or something that’s just above the urban scale. More peripherally, it represents all gadgets, consoles and shiny letters and screens.

Light has been present in so many of the other gems, like golden zircon, lazulite, obsidian, topaz, howlite and even aventurine and now lignite too. Like turquoise for water, Iolite is for lights as I wanted to refer specifically to these enchanting lights but Lazulite had it most covered and yet it didn’t feel right, so here it goes named Iolite and I feel quite free now. So it can be light in simply illumination, but also the dots of lights and the shiny effects. And here we go, Iolite seems to be present in this urbanization process. Apparently electric lights make us feel comfortable, for some reason. The more lights we see the more in contact with civilization we feel (are these streetlights? I’m starting to feel safe). Being so scarily influential, maybe I should try using restraint on iolite to see what happens, but how can I? They’re enchanting us with iolite all the time!

This notion of light and technology reminds me of another gem. Basalt is about the technological advances. It’s felt in the engineering resolves and prowess of each civilization. Basalt can be felt in torch-lit walls of african huts, brass armor and shield of greek warriors, the stone fountains of the roman empire. It’s in leather straps and fur clothing of Viking raiders, in dark and mossy stone walls of medieval period, along with bull carts and smoke and flies. And then gunpowder, steam and iron of following age of exploration (curiously meeting again with the early tribal basalt in the new continents). Also in the industrial revolution and engines from late 19th century and early 20th century and world war two uniforms, jeeps and airplanes, and cold war space shuttles and air fighters. As it approaches our current technology it becomes more like lignite, (though basalt can go futuristic too, though not cobalt-riddled predictions like 60’s or 70’s visions of the future). Basalt is made to be used along with copper, so it can deal better with matters copper couldn’t resolve effectively (in fact, what took me so long to realize it could be a thing I would now call basalt?).

And the last one before some experimental gems, I’ll talk about Copal so it will close with the weatherstones from the beginning. Copal is for the short perception of time. I’ve chosen it because I remember an early mindscape post I’ve talked about the effect the days of the week have on us, like a Saturday morning or a Tuesday noon. It affects our mood. It affects indirectly all mindscapes, it’s the primordial unseen element. Copal can be for both the feeling of day, week and month. The copal that indicates daytime and the Daystone are very similar too, but they have different purposes as Copal is more about our human and social measure of time, while wheaterstone are more natural periods (there’s a difference between sunset in itself and its meaning as the ending of working hours). And Copal gets mixed with season beryls and carnelian too (though hemispheres do distort it, so we will never get a snowstone christmas). Copal starts being more like Cobalt around the notion of year, which is a heavier notion of time like… realizing 2008 was half a decade ago.

Now, this one is highly experimental. Crystal is about things that are mine. In fact, all gems are things that are mine, so that’s what’s weird about it, but this is basically scattered pieces of memories and forgotten tastes, and the important thing: things that are mine, and not something related to Spy mindscapes and crests. I feel Crystals with pieces of memory that usually give me a good feeling when retrieved, like seeing an old toy I used to play with as a kid (and also the times of my life when I used to be obsessed with other things like learning other languages or unsuccessfully trying to master some line of knowledge). But you see, it’s not conflicting with other gems as Crystals don’t act like usual external, imagetic gemstones. Crystals are more like quartzes and diamonds. Also, they feel quite important for trances as they seem to help me with my soul-reaching attempts. It’s also because of crystals that when after the day of work I open up my playlist and start thinking my thoughts freely that I seem to go back to my world and can engage in trance-mode.

But, pff, Crystals is nothing compared to how complicated and delicate the next topic is. I call them Craft Gems. They came from Howlite and the way feeling the howlite I was feeling inspired for music, so it was very fortunate to spread it to other areas. As a gem in relation to crests and trances, it usually followed the notion of being related to my tastes and being in touch with them usually made me feel inspired. As it’s about activities I’m afraid it could go for every little thing, and that’s something I am not really willing to let happen. I’m going too far in here, too far from where the quintessential rope can take me safely. So I will stay with five of them (howlite being done already), and see how they will turn out to be.

For images I could feel the shapes and proportion and perspective and analyzing vertices and seeing the nice effect of lines and colors and values and hues and playing with each item of the list of mental modeling, and being inspired by absorbing others’ art. This one is Hessonite. For writing it’s that nice feeling of finding words to describe some thalassic thoughts. It’s the joy I feel when I can express myself with words to an acute accuracy or finding a name for things or creating them myself, or when I am reading something and I think “wow, you can express yourself like that”. This is the reason I like English, because we are encouraged to bent the combination of them words in these exquisite manners for them to sound so appealing and, oh yes, this one is Helvite. For my thoughts, it’s about introspection and the nice feeling of seeing patterns and learning, thinking and finding solutions for problems. It’s the joy of connecting things and making streams and this is really abstract and for that I call Hiddenite. For the stories I am usually thinking about and I need to focus somehow, I’ll call Herderite. It’s usually when I create an interesting plot thread in my mind, or when I see some event that can be a story structure, and it’s when I feel I’m doing the fictionalization. Reading historical events usually is a way Herderite is triggered. These craft gems are related to the concept of Zephyr Winds, judging by that feeling of opened horizons that goes like “wow, I never thought this was possible”, and I love how those moments blow my mind. So these are the five craft gems I am going to experiment with and see if they will increase performance or something.

Aaaand that's about it for now. Twenty-three new gems and that's over fifty so far. I'm really positively exhausted to know precisely but I'm proud of what I've got here. I think the choice of names isn't bad for most of them and eve then eventually I got used to them and... I'm feeling more prepared to understand those mindscapes happening to me, and I will keep hunting down all these gem-defying events, as I've got some down already with this fifth version. But for more I'll have to wait for the next version.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Checkpoint #22

January brought the long-sought recovery, finally. Not particularly glorious, but I fought hard for it and I have found/crafted/received enough hope, peace and motivation to go on. There were even some of the worst blows this time around, but the world was fair enough to give me enough nice things for me to get motivated. So, despite all this annoying sigma, at least this was a month I had alpha helping me.

It was nice to know I could still have these nice feelings. I don’t want to lose them again. Scourgers are still around, but battles this time are fair, and the game is changing. And I will fight with my teeth and nails to maintain my head up this time, so let’s see what will happen in the remaining eleven months of the year, it’s a thrilling mystery. And as I reignite all my flames together, this year I’ll try to break some more dams, mainly those that were rebuilt so strong in the latest times.

Deep inside, deep into the nights sometimes I still hear the mourning of the ghost of these past times. But this is just a memory now and I don’t want to live and behave like that no more. I want to work on sending a better message. I want to send a message of encouragement and hope. I don't want to be remembered by being so unnecessarily bitter and negative.

Controversially, this was the month when this place was almost closed, and not because I was feeling bad about myself (I was), but mainly because a cycle was over and when facing the new one I realized I didn’t want it to keep being exactly the same way it was all this time. I wasn’t really into writing these terrible texts again, so I was first thinking about not posting anything as I meant to reappraise the situation in here, but I was getting better and I had some ideas for the year.

This is one of the reasons why there were such fewer texts this month (and I have a bad feeling about them, but I don’t feel like revising them again). I don’t feel like I will do any massive posting no more. In fact, I intend to keep it between 15 and 20. All my ideas along the way will have to fit in it, and that’s going to be the challenge, doing more with less. Also, practicing the needlework with forty or fifty texts is hell.

Out of all ideas I had, the ones that could be the discovery of the month, they were all sent to February. There was a very nice realization that helped my stringing and my own perception of life that made me feel moderately lighter, but I wouldn’t say I had any relevant ideas like I used to think I used to have. This “discovery of the month” went corrupt and/or outdated and it wasn’t fair and interesting anymore. So I didn’t have any great idea this month, but I am not feeling really annoyed about it. I am in this process of thinking what ideas are supposed to be like and I think everything will just get better. Anyway, I want to focus in organizing everything, and this year is going to be more about building Eva Units than going around so madly searching for new grounds to explore. Alriiiight, the idea of Eva Units was really nice, but it means nothing if it doesn’t come true.

Despite not having that kind of usual ideas, I could think a lot of important stuff. And it was a productive month. I went back to drawing and I’ve been studying and practicing furiously and I want to keep that for the rest of the year. And I’ve been playing with my guitar and I was quite fond of it too. So this was the first time when my hendiatric set of skills were all on, which is something incredibly rare (though it was not perfect too). Hell, I even had a great update on tumblr and I’ve done a great effort in empting my cache of podcasts to be listened to (I'm halfway through the Stuff You Missed In History Class already!).

Changes are supposed to happen in here. It’ll feel nauseating if I keep repeating myself, so it will have to happen. Nothing too radical, I just want it to feel light and with some new flavor to it. I tried this time, but I think I didn’t really succeed, it seemed to be the inertia from the past and I think that’s what’s troubling me about them. I really think this is more of a challenge than simply enduring the pressure for disciplined posting last year. This time I need to reinvent myself here, and that’s a test much trickier to survive.