Saturday, December 31, 2011

Of Shakesperean Verticality

It's not rare for me to hear how art is not supposed to be commercial, or how you are not supposed to be trying to please everybody because art has to be made with that out of mind. While that sounds pertinent and I admire the sincerity of the artist more than anything, I can't dismiss the fact that only recently that this anti-commercial, elitist view of art has been popularized.

I once had classes with a professor who was a renowned expert on Shakespeare, and he always told us how in his pieces he always had elements that were there to please all of his audience, from the peasants to the very king himself. It had elements for all classes, and everybody enjoyed his pieces, from drunks who slept in the mud to modern literary critics.

Whatever has happened to a display of art that gathers everybody in? I'm not saying the king and queen would ever be together with the peasants, maybe not even art can unstratify mankind. Also, of course the current modern society has much more varied tastes than a 17th century one, but I don't think it's impossible to make something everybody can enjoy, as ambitious and foolish as it may sound.

Of missing elements

There's something I remember experiencing when playing 2D games that is how they made you imagine the other D. For instance, side-scrollers never let you see the floors, and top-down games like rpgs never let you see the sky and surrounding landscape.

These games had it so limited that seeing that world in artworks were always a thrill. Sometimes the games would present us some pictures or a cutscene that showed the world from a different perspective, and that used to be such a rewarding final gift for us players.

It's something about the released catharsis, being forced to see the floors, the grass, the water, the sand. In the end, seeing the sky would always be such an incredible thing. It made the world look more interesting, somehow. It made me think of how, from the character's point of view, he was seeing those clouds, or that dungeon ceiling droping water all along. Playing games like this now make me so much more immersed.

Of course, I could bet these game developers would hardly think of that, considering it's only recently that videogames are starting to be studied theoretically the same way cinema or theatre, but still it seems to be mostly psychological studies to make mmo players more addicted. Anyway, I still hold a place in my heart for all those gems I've played on the Genesis and SNES...

Of unlimited imagination

In the middle of the current video game generation I've once decided to play a Zelda game for the Game Boy Color (Oracle of Seasons). The experience that I had was so great that it made me think how could I possibly have forgotten how fun videogames can be.

Now, that game has the most crude graphics as the pixels limitate the possibilities of artistic expression immensely (and in that way I agree limitation can be harmful), but perhaps that was exactly what made the journey so interesting. The more limited the graphics, the more I had to fill the information with my imagination. For instance, I have the memory of the first quest being sent to the beach and finding your sword. There you find a cave, some monsters you must evade, then find your sword and kill the enemies on the way back (released catharsis). Now, the game only has the ability to show you symbols of what things represent, such as sprites of trees representing florests, bushes that you know you can burn to open your way. It required from me the almost the same ammount of imagination as describing those things with words, so that's why it was, in the end, more engaging than most current jaw-dropping games. Also because they focused on the sweet gameplay.

As I said before, describing things with words require mindwork to create the imagery, and that's the reason why storybooks are still as appealing as ever as well. It's simply because, instead of being spoon-fed, some of us still prefer being engaged in the task of being part of the creation.

Of art and limitation

It seems that the more limitated are your resources, the better is the reception of your audience if you manage to overcome such limitation with your creativity. And it truly seems to me that the limitless that technology brings can sometimes damage this purity of art as humans overcoming limitations when expressing themselves.

Technology can so much bring new forms of art. I think video games are definitely art, and the graphic limitation of the consoles back then made gems to be created when there were challenges to breakthrough. For instance, blocky 3d is what makes Grim Fandango to have such identity in its aesthetics. And I don't mean it's so cute and charming as it tried to do its best with its poor ugly graphics, but rather the it has its identity because it was molded specifically over this poligonal limitation. Or take Silent Hill, and know that we wouldn't have that amazingly terrifing foggy city if the Playstation had the capability to allow us to see far way in the scenario. The fog was the trick invented to overcome this limitation, and nowadays one can't see a foggy street and feel the terror as we think we there.

Nowadays graphics can create ultimate realism, but so what... all those first-person shooters with realist generic soldiers aren't doing me good. Where are the characters created around the limitation of the 8-bits, like Mario having his mustache for us to see there was a mouth behind the pixel supposed to be his nose, and his hate because the pixels didn't emulate the hair properly. Or Metroid designers who wanted the players to know she had an upgraded armor, and colors didn't exist in the first game boy, plus as a side-scroller you couldn't show much of her chest and helmet, so there you go, Samus, happy with your ballsy shoulders?

As I said priorly, too much technology and too few technical limitation can make art look bland, as sometimes human creativity arouses in the facing of challenges, and there's a lesson that art, throughout ages, has taught us well.

Of impressionability of art

Art doesn't have to be practical. It's a way to express yourself, not exactly something you have to be fast and efficient (though you might want to express yourself as so) as if to attend demands and industrial production. And, because of this, I think that art sometimes is about doing the hard way.

There's something about art that seems to me that, the most impressive the better. I mean, it always call my attention when when a piece of art makes me wonder on how the hell it was made. It's been a little harder to feel that with movies nowadays as the technology of CGI makes everything so easily craftable, but to emulate a war in space in a time before that makes me really admire the piece.

This idea stands out very easily in visual arts. "How did they make he fly like that?" if I'm watching a play where resources for effects are really scarce. It seems that the more you can make with the least resources, the better is the reception. "They said they didn't use CGI in Coraline, I can't believe that!", a friend told me one of these days.

Sometimes it seems to be the purpose of directors to create this impressionability in their audiences. It seems that sometimes they make those tricks like one-take scene where the same actor changes characters and outfits extraordinarily fast and the fact that it was all in one take you know that man is awesome. It's almost as if they were magicians, or if we were back in a circus having our eyes shining with the feeling of extraordinariness of the illusion.

Of art and technology

Technology brings new forms of art, but I hardly think there would be such a thing as invalidation of a form of expression as consequence of technology. For instance, they say handrwriting is going to stop existing because we can type faster than we can write with a pen.

In a practical view of the world that could be held true, and also if handwriting didn't count as a form of expression. It won't go out the same way cars didn't eradicate horseriding. We also have machines that emulate the metronomes, so bands won't need drummers no more, or so once I've read.

In the business we can use keyboards and cars instead of feathers, scrolls and horses. But the matter of practicability that technology is inherently connected to apparently doesn't have to applied to art.

Of art and transferred quintessence

My opinion on art has always been that is done for the others, as I think that its point is for us to see how others think and see and feel the world. It's a chance for us to feel how different the views can be, and therefore we can broaden our horizons a little more by seeing new things.

I think art is great for us to show our quintessence to the others. The works of art that last in my head always have been impressive, intense demonstrations of quintessences. I think then, that as artists, we must show the world new quintessences, new tastes, new worlds.

Of Quintessential Rule

The idea of quintessence was a major realization for me, as it opened brand new doors for me. Although it has always existed before being named, there it goes the exciting phenomenon that is how an idea becomes more real after it has being just materialized.

Anyway, it became so important of a motif to me that I'm constantly hungry for quintessences. They always taste great and when I explore them the materialization will always become something interesting, even if I'm not skilled enough to materialize it entirely.

In fact, there's something about a text written with a quintessence as an undercurrent that makes it much more appealing to me afterwards in comparison to a simple text when I'm trying to describe something from memory, which is what is happening with most of the past posts, because I'm stupid and I've left all the posts for the last hours of the last day of the year, so there are several quintessenceless posts.

That doesn't make me happy. Hell, it doesn't even leave me satisfied, as apparently I can only unload myself from a quintessence when it finds itself quite matching its materialization. And that only seem to happen when I'm leaking it from my mind, through my fingers, to the letters and words.

Of things I'm yearning for

There are some things that always make my mind eased when I experience them, and these are meeting new mindscapes, recalling crests and tasting quintessences. To an extent these three motifs are a little too intertwined even for myself to distinguish, so here I'll try to charge better their definitions.

Mindscapes are the experiences we have, and the intensity of experiences tell us the level of the Crest. A minor mindscape can create a minor crest, but the experience will make me yearn to relive that mindscape, so through the Wehmut Process that is the desire to reexperience the feeling it can become a major one. Quintessence is what "feeling" meant in the last sentence.

A quintessence is a wordless emotional response, so much it represents a challenge that is to describe or materialize it in some way. When we try to describe an interesting experience that we had, we're trying to materialize the quintessence that was the emotional response to the mindscape.

Crests show in our minds as quintessences, and as they are formed by mindscapes, their presence also helps a mindscape to happen (through the Wehmut Process). So, a clear quintessence that we feel also makes it easier for a mindscape to happen.

Huh... I don't know if I didn't actually make things worse, and there's something I had to say but I forgot. Whatever, this will count as a charging post.

Of updates (from Undertones to Crest)

The idea of Prime Undertones is one that I've been thinking a lot lately, so much that in the end I felt it was needing a better name in english as I've already found the perfect one for it in portuguese. After some research, I think Crest is the best word for it, which is one element in heraldry that I think that pretty much fits the idea (and also is a literal translation of the portuguese version). So probably this will make my talkings about the idea more comfortable, as Crests is a more sounding, impacting, catchy name.

Crests are pretty much the marks that experiences leave in us. They are memories of those experiences, and they shape our tastes and views of the world (the Major Crests, priorly called Prime Undertones, being results of more impacting experiences). When we meet a vague description of something, our mind fill the blanks with our Crests; for instance, when someone says the phone rang in the tv room, chances are we are thinking of our experience in our own houses, a Minor Crest, I suppose.

The way I can feel my own crests, they dictate the direction of my choices, so it's not an idea that explains the past, but can also predict the future. It's also the lack of connection with one's own crests and desires that seems to show probably why one feels the emptiness.

What makes the idea of crests so interesting to me is that everybody has personal collection of crests that are unique of their own. It makes for a nice quest, to make a research by introducing this idea to people let them tell me their own crests. Characters of mine shall have crests of their own, so I need to see how diverse can a person's collection of crests be, as for today I only know mine.

Of laughter's relief

Out of all things that can blow away the depressing meaninglessness of the world, maybe laughing with friends is the most effective of them all, the very thing that maybe is one the most meaningful things in life. Wasting time without guilt and not worring about hours and tomorrows is something that the pressure of the surface reality unfortunately almost made me forget about.

From my own experience and also by reading or experience the quintessence in art, wasting time with friends and laughing is something that makes it all worthwhile. While the storm rages outside and savages the window, this well-lit and dry room is cozily filled with laughter and jokes...

Of being surrounded by the world

The desire to be where it's important and the consequent feeling of emptiness can also be appeased by the feeling of being connected with the rest of the world. It's after all what makes us yearn for where the civilization is, the place where we can connect ourselves with the others. Maybe it's even the reason the internet is so addicting.

Anyway, I've been finding myself shielded against the heavy onthological questions by just being surrounded by the world. Listening to traditional music and thinking of other cultures and countries seem to keep me well distracted, plus there's also a feeling of being well-fed by talking with my friends of countries like Russia, Hungary, Ireland and others.

Also I like having objects and souvenirs that remind me there's a whole big world out there. Objects that fire up my will to go out exploring and learning everything. I've got here in my room those things that can be compared to charms against the dark spells of meaninglessness. I've recently bought myself a little pretty book called World History and also a book of the illustrations of the Arabian Nights that matched my prime undertones amazingly. There's also a copy of Sun Tzu's Art of War here near my elbow and a pen cup with the picture of the New York City, near my left hand.But I still lack my greater object of desire: a world atlas to hang on my wall. With that one and other possessions this new room of mine will be my ultimate headquarter against the reality of the world trying to overthrow my passions.

Of reconnection

As I've been trying to taste the quintessence of meaninglessness once in a while just so that I can learn better about it, I've been also learning of what I can do to distract me from the feeling of emptiness that it brings me to torment me.

It seems that in the end the meaninglessness of life shouldn't be allowed to much as to prevent us from tasting life. Maybe we should just ignore it all and keep living our lives despite of it all. I'd say even to live our lives even more passionately for us to be the most distracted as possible from all the heaviness of these onthological matters.

When I can just ignore that haunting feeling that it's pointless to watch movies, play videogames and read novels I can find myself enjoying them better, even find a point in these activities. Studying history and all the great civilizations and all the things mankind has been doing throughout millennia despite of these questions burning in every of those historical people seems to fire up the Red Flame of Hephaestus. And by so I can feel reconnected with myself, comfortable with the pleasant activity that is to nurture my passions.

Of meaninglessness

Maybe all the ambition and the desire to be where it is important, to attain changing nuclearities has become an obsession which made me profoundly unsatisfied with the surface reality. It's been growing in my soul in the last months, each time when I've tried to write about it its dimension had worringly grown.

Sometimes it seems to me that everything that we find in this world is just a mere distraction for us to stop realizing how terribly meaningless it all is. I see all the cars, all the buildings, all the monuments, all the models and shows and... what's the point of it all? Goddamit, it's hard as hell to describe this quintessence, maybe I need to charge this idea a little more.

But then again this thirst for nuclearities and growing rejection to surface things keeps going breaking boundaries. As it grows I also find it meaningless to keep studying and developing myself. After all, because of what? What's the point of leaving a mark with the undercurrent message of "I've been here"? Nature will erase us off someday and no matter what I do it will also be lost along with my flesh and bones...

Maybe I just need to be foolish enough to ignore it and keep shooting myself towards all these meaninglessness aftergoals. Maybe one day one of these goals would hold an answer for me.

Of where is important to be

As my ambitions grow and I set for new goals after each disillusionl, I sometimes feel I've developed a desire to be where important things are. It is the desire that makes me head to the big city, to be where important people are, where important things happen, where I can witness life.

It is not the narcissistic feeling of superiority, that's the mindtrap that ought to be fought relentlessly. It's just the involuntary attraction of the nuclearities. It's the desire to be where we can make some difference. It's the desire to know and feel I'm doing something worthwhile. The desire I'm doing something that could have a lasting importance.

Maybe it's the desire the drives us to art, the desperate desire that makes us rush against time to leave a mark of our existence before time erases us off. I think in the end we all do something to the world to please our narcissistic desires. Anything that leaves the undercurrent message of "I have been here".

Of attained nuclearity

Some grounds need improvement, and nuclearity is one of those ideas that keep marvelling me. Its wordless quintessence always come up when I see a sign of this amazing phenomenon.

Lately I've been paying attention to the examples of it in the world. I've been noticing nuclearity can easily be transferred to graphs. Every skyrocketting or plummeting red line is a sign of an attained nuclearity. The moment the line makes that sudden turn is a sign that someone made one critical decision, one little change that changed everything.

I like thinking of science as humankind's best example of attained nuclearity. Medicine and quality of life, for instance, wouldn't be the same as it's today without science and the rigorous attachment to the scientific method that seemed to change everything in the history of the world.

Of Aftergoal Law

One of the undercurrents I feel when writing in this blog is the idea that after I post those ideas that have been overloading my mind I'll get some rest. For instance, I remember postponing the post about Mindscape for months until I felt I was ready to talk about it, and then I'd be free of the burden. It turned out the concept kept growing and it's now even with different categories.

But still I'm having a hard time trying to lose the obsession of achieving a goal, of finding myself developed, of thinking that there'll be one time I'll be done. And I have to remember something quite important: The Quest will never be over.

It doesn't matter how much I acchieve, there'll always be something else to uncover, discover, recover. And the most intriguing part is how my reaction to this may vary. Sometimes I find it distressing that I'll never get somewhere that far as there's no finish line. But then again I can also find this a relief, as my passion to find and create new things can keep burning on forever.

It's not as easy as it sounds, but in the end maybe that's nice setup, being foolish enough to shoot myself towards an Aftergoal and meeting Disillusion, getting up and hitting the road again.

Of Seeds

It takes time for a novel idea to develop itself into a full motif. But there's a time when I can realize full ideas all at once. And around it, in this amazing enthusiastic mood, I can think of several new ideas that are too great in number to be kept in my mind.

But these Seeds are important because of one step in the development of the idea, that is the Recalling. After my mind creates so much seeds that are fortunately not entirely lost but apparently, conveniently, stored in some part of my unconscious mind, my emotional responses can once and again tell me when an idea has been thought of before, and by recalling it the seed goes up a level...

Of Spells (intrapersonal language)

If there's one class of motifs that I need to explore more it's the Emotional Responses (or should I call it Hub Motif, the one that originates other motifs?). There's so, so much I can build my mind from it. I can really achieve great things by improving and developing it. And one of the latest achievements I have is the idea of spells.

Turns out that I have one individual language of my own. Portuguese and English are languages in which I was taught to express myself to others. Portuguese is the language I use to express myself to the brazilian world around me, and English is, well, the world/internet language. But there came a time when I realized I don't need these languages for my own inner communication, and that neither they do a nuclear work in my mind.

So it turns out emotional responses are basically my inner language, though it's simply a passive demonstration of my own language, that I can use to explore ideas from, and I've being only using a perceptive skill for it. But Spells would be the active use of these emotional responses. I've used spells before calling them spells, or knowing they could be used as so. Lightspeed reactions are the way I can nuclearly solve my own troubles in a way that forcing words down my throat didn't bring the same result.

In the first experiments I've been doing i've noticed it's great for the memory, if it's used along with visual response. As tired as I am of forgetting objects or unsure if I've locked the door, I've been trying to crudely pay attention to those things for a brief moment, and roughly try to let the information sink down. It worked when I went to bed and made a mental note to get my water bottle in the kitchen in the morning. It was really cool to find out the first thing I thought when I woke up was to think of my water in the kitchen.

I just have to find out how this process works, and replicate it. I love thinking of it as a scientific experiment.

Of slowed-down process

When paying attention to how the mind works it would be vital to know the process and its phases. I have such a curiosity to understand it that I wish I could slow my mind down to see when, where and how the idea erupts. It appears to me that paying attention to my emotional responses is good for that.

There's something here that I feel to be closer to the Loudening motif, which is how the mind works to understand better a fast activity after some practice. Hyper-fast arpeggios are insane to someone who hasn't barely learned the chords yet, but for a veteran musician these almost-invisible fast notes can be seen by him as if it was almost normal speed. So the point here isn't that the process is slowed-down, but the mind seems to work faster to follow the process, but the outcome seems to be similar.

So I wonder, can I develop the statistics of my mind such as perception sensibility to improve the statistics of generation of ideas...

Of what the future could be saving for me

The possibility of finding a wall that I cannot breakthrough sometimes haunts me, so the future lies ahead like one asleep monster that will one day wake up and devour my silly fantasies. It's because of this that the Fire Ensemble exists, to armor and gun me up against such a fear that deep inside I know one day I'll inevitably have to face head-on.

So I usually think how much knowledge I have to develop to find myself strong enough for this fateful day. Sometimes I'm foolish enough to believe I've got enough strength, and paradoxically it's when I actually seem to be.

But still, I need a lot of improvement. I think of all the knowledge I have to develop, and there something else that bothers me. I know this pace will have to change one day, I won't be going through each month with a new discovery like things are going now. I think this first year I was charting the most basic grounds. Maybe things can keep going like this on the second year of this blog, but I think afterwards there will be no more completely novel grounds.

I don't think some grounds will be abandoned, like nuclearity, naming, logistics and others - I think I'll be using them for the remaining of my life, but they're not enough, is what I'm saying. Later years are going to be more for improvement of these first trodden grounds in the beginning of this quest.

Of where ideas come from

During all this time when I wasn't posting I was the whole time worried about the idea of not being able to create more motifs, so I was paying attention to every spark of a new idea coming to my mind, and exploring it carefully and trying to remember what I used to do to name and tame the new concepts. Turns out being hindered from working on my mind ignited the fear and the security systems in my mind to prevent those things from happening.

So when exploring the birth of a new idea I wanted to know the origin of them all, the very moment of the cognitive process when it comes to life. It feels like being a curious scientist trying to understand the phenomenon of understanding the mental processes, or how it happens when the door opens and there's the micro second when the mind recognizes the otherside, or when our eyes tell our mind the number we want has been found in a list.

Of chances taken

There's only one life... so I want to use every chance I get to improve, there's only one try. So I want to develop myself to the fullest, as many skills as possible. Now I suddenly find myself here in this world with imposed limitations to breakthrough with all these possibilities at hand, so I'm nourish my foolish hunger that is the ambition to reach as far as one human being can go.

And I've got only one life to try finding that answer, to chase the missing Sylvan Stars, to know how many novelties life can offer. Only one chance to see what life has to us, so I want to taste ever bit of this bittersweet life.

Vesta warns me that the highest the dream, the worst the fall. But I couldn't be more oblivious to it, as I fully believe everything in this life is worth tasting. There's inside me the flaming desire to do my best. There's a lot for me to develop until I can see my own full potential, and until there the desire to see how far I can go burns and hurts inside. But even the sour taste of meaninglessness can be appreciated.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Of hephaestosis (a new meaning)

Updating names is something I don't really enjoy. There's already too many names around for me to deal with, and then some ideas keep insisting to find new words for them to live in. However, as I updated my flame of enthusiasm to simply Hephaestus' Fire, Hephaestosis lied out useless. As I was heading to throw it away, I realized I've got some good use for it still.

Sometimes when I'm enthusiastic about something, new ideas, mindscapes and quintessences, they usually make make me feel whole, not-empty... for a while. And I overuse it I seem to drown in my own enthusiasm, and the weight of so many new things in my head make me feel an agony of having them trapped inside me.

Hephaestosis is now the word I have for when I have too many thoughts in my head that result in distress, an affliction almost as tormenting as the feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness that haunts my soul, which is what Hephaestus' Fire is supposed to heal, or simply distract myself from.

Of narcissism and jealousy

Lately I've been in a mood to question my own view on mindtraps. Some things are so clearly a mindtrap that a closer dissection usually is discarded, due to obviousness. But once again I wonder if dealing with things like that for them being obvious isn't the more dangerous mindtrap of them all.

So I've been thinking of what narcissism is and I think I fit in the symptons shown. For instance, narcissistic people feel easily threatened, as everything becomes a narcissistic injury. And a mindtrap that it is, I can injure myself right now as I admit myself so. But then again, it's not as hard to admit such a thing when the great percentage of modern population is clearly growing narcissistic. Hell, humankind is so in its nature, so much Copernicus, Darwin and Freud are said to have given us our three great narcissistic injuries.

Also, I feel that jealousy walks very close to narcissism, and something very common too that we are supposed to repress. The feeling of envy is also a clear mindtrap when one isn't aware of their actions. But I think both mindtraps can be really useful if redirected properly, if carefully they can be great propelling agents due to the intriguing influence they have over us.

Of ambition and foolishness

One of the things that summons the feeling of enthusiasm is sure the idea of being able to do great things. Be it a delirious pretensiousness, I think dreaming shouldn't ever be a discouraged activity, even with all the foolishness that comes along with those high dreams.

Of course, being naive might hinder us from reaching our dreams. We need to have a wise and tempered Vesta to keep Hephaestus a little closer to the earth and to accept the logistics of perseverance. But still, being such a fool is probably what makes me so insistent, instead of usually being stated otherwise. A good ammount of ingenuinity, and even pretensiousness, gives me a desire so great to pursue that a sense of reality will most likely keep underwhelmed.

It reminds me of that saying by Steve Jobs that we are already all too familiar with: "stay hungry, stay foolish". The undercurrent behind this is clearly to tell us to nourish our flame of hephaestus.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Of Hephaestus' Fire

This Red Flame represents the interest, curiosity, enthusiasm, passion, dedication and creativity. It's the desire to to study, to research, to learn, to develop, to improve, to change. The music that represents Hephaestus are cathartical symphonic pieces. Revived Power, by Kow Otani, is my hymn to Hephaestus.

As the quintessence of a character, this is the man whose inner child is ever awake. The hardness of the world hasn't put out his sense of amazement and nothing ceases to marvel him and all details of the surrounding world hold him curious, willing to learn every inch of it all.  His ambitious ideas and the prospect of achieving them is what fuels him up.

One can lose nights of sleep with his craftings, as the energy that is born from this wonderment that keeps us awake is one of trademarks of this passionate devotion. Indeed, it always called the attention the way something so marvelous and interesting can so easily postpone my sleepiness, no matter how tired I am. Better than an early shower at 6am, finding some complex music to air riff puts me awake and full of energy in a moment.

Although probably my most important flame, Hephaestus is only a part of a quintessence, and he is not without his companions. He shares Áine's love for the world and Zhu Rong's impetuosity, energy and dedication. He also shares a bond with Trygve as a way to heal my wounds, to ease them, to bear them. His relationship with Vesta is the most troublesome one, as she demands a little more sense of down-to-earthness that is understandably not his strength.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Of ignition

Peeking cautiously outside, it feels cold and empty. A hope-forsaken place once trodden by life in its wholeness. Every corner once pulsing, screaming and moaning with intense desires and plans of all sorts, now are left to the hunger of the dark. Only the soft wind fills the air, lifting the increasing layers of dust.

But the storm that forced me to retreat has ceased, and the storm inside me, the volcano inside me, endured the pressure. Everything was safe and protected, the same way a mother holds her child unharmed.

 My flames endured. My flames prevailed. They are raging inside.

I'm back.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Checkpoint #8

November was a month when my life changed all of a sudden again, reflecting the dynamics of this blog as well. I'm afraid I won't be able to follow the same rules I used to, even though I'm almost getting the hang of them.

Speaking of rules, it seems I've pretty much succeeded in chaining the posts all along the month, even if some connections were quite half-assed and far-fetched. Anyway, it's something I'm quite satisfied that it seems to be starting to work more properly (and the imagetic chained posts I'm trying on tumblr is helping me develop this skill too, there's even some little stories here and there I managed to create there thanks to chaining). The Revisionist Rule was a total fail, though. I have to start getting really worried about it, in a way I'll always be too afraid of making those mistakes.

But the most important thing about this month is that I had a lot of plans for it, a really ambitious series of chained posts, but unfortunately things didn't work out. So some posts i had been postponing for months were postponed again as I had new ideas in november, namely Quintessences being the discovery of the month.

Anyway, so I'll try to do all I had planned now in December, and postpone the plans I had for it for the next year. Yeah, sounds good to start the new year with a brand new kind of posts and getting rid of ideas lingering on for too much time. I really need refresh the waters for new motifs to use the space (and for those ideas to be improved). Of course, that if new ideas don't come over to mess up with my plans again. I'm afraid of what you will bring me, December.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Of increased sensibility

The most vital part for this whole project is to have enough sensibility to perceive things. Apparently I'm managing to discover new things because of it, but it's something that has to be charged, pretty much like any skill must be warmed-up.

It's something that wears off quite easily, the sensibility. It takes a certain reconnection with my thoughts and feelings for me to enter back in this world of weird mental happenings, interesting ideas and overall unexploed mysteriousness that both scares and appeals me. Fortunately, I'm learning my way to regain it within the fewest steps and time as possible.

Maybe the depression I suffer from is by losing contact with myself, though it also has to do with some social injuries. But this lack of sensibility isn't exactly the same thing as the Blackouts as they're are the apathetic, numb emptiness, not the emptiness that somehow fill and corrodes my insides. But perhaps it is the cure for both, as it connects me with somethng, and can distract the emptiness with a healthy enthusiasm that can only do me good.

Of wide-awake dreams

Mindwalking still is the most frequent phenomenon that I still can't understand, but it seems several new weird things are starting to happen. It seems I'm going so deep in my mind, and dealing with its nuclearities, so that explains how some things seem to be changing there. One of the most recent things I've experinced were feeling like I had dreams while awake.

It sounds weird to say I actually experience dreams while awake, but rather I seem to rather perceivea experience that would go unnoticed until it would appear in my dreams. I seem to have gained that ability with this whole obsession about surveillance over my emotional responses, and understanding the undertone vortexes, and how they trigger the undertones in my mind.

It appears that sometimes my sensibility towards some vortexes, I can unearth several different undertones. The fact that some undertones are sometimes unrelated existing in the same vortex can give my mind the feeling of surreal combination of things when I perceive them, something that I can only remember having experienced in dreams. Sometimes the undertones unearthed from vortexes are strong ones, and sometimes they can be negative, so the feeling of surreality I experience is pretty much like a sudden feeling of nightmares.

Of lightspeed scanning

As results are always a sign of a nuclearity nearby, it seems I am around one for the development of my self-control. It's indeed interesting to see things that I remember always having made me feel bad now being much more harmless under my strict surveillance.

And this surveillance is increasing my awareness to a level where sometimes something that call my attention negatively, my mind seems to resolve it a matter of one or two seconds. The interesting part of it is how it barely surface to my expressions. Sometimes I'm eating and that negative vortex happen and there's this lightspeed scanning that seems to instant resolve the business before I even get the food in my mouth.Or also it happens when I'm talking, and these vortexes don't really distract me from what I'm talking about.

The best thing of this new mental phenomenon is that it seems that as they are resolved, they don't seem to add to the accumulating mass of unfinished business that haunt my mind. It seems that, if I can develop this instant resolve thing, there'll be no more new negative undertones, and the existing ones can be held back from growing to become fears and negative feelings too dangerous to unearth (or invading waves too strong for this surveillance to hold back).

Of songs my heart sings

Loneliness is a trick business. I have a conflict over wheter I want it or not. Sometimes it hurts me real hard, so in the end, maybe being forced to stay up in the surface reality makes me some good by not letting it take over me. Still, in the end I still have to face my bed every night and the loneliness along with it.

Although it puts me in contact with my mental troubles, there's the good thing that is how it made me recall some habits I had forgotten I used to have, such as images and songs developing themselves in my head, like a digestion of artistic information. If only I could recall that facing this danger i could trigger the ever-enthusiastic Hephaestus, and I can feel a little more at ease again.

However, one of those days something different happened. I was rolling in bed as if a comfortable position would ease my mental troubles, and when I gave up on that and then I stayed still, it seemed the troubles had a easier time aiming at me. In the middle of the whole thing, having those avoided feelings finally reaching me, I felt a song. It wasn't easily recognizable, not really like the digested kind of song mentioned earlier. It wasn't dancing in my mind, but was rather a motion in my chest that suddenly started, and lasted for a few seconds. If only that had been alive for a little more time, I could have understood it better.

The only thing I can remember of that quintessence is that maybe it could be translated as some distorted guitars, and a certain feeling of melancholy along with the bitterness. I am not sure now, but it seems that I could only vaguely recall of an album which feature that feeling. Maybe it was a reminder from my heart trying to listen to songs like this to ease the troubles, but the best thing of it all is how it suddenly shifted my thoughts towards this incredible new happening.

Of times when strength is needed

It's sinking in the meaning of being 23 and not yet having accomplished anything meaningful in my life. So here comes one dead-end again, this feeling that every distant star I want to touch are never going to get any closer than those billions light-years always so far. But I can't head to my bed and curl in depression. If there's one time I need to prove my strenght, it is now. And it's what I will do, even though I seem to be on the verge of breaking down and the sole effort to stay up is demanding enough.

Fortunately I've got my own tricks up my sleeve. It seems that the Fire Ensemble turns out to fill most gaps that led me to try to develop the Inner Constitution. They are guiding me well, my flames. I just need to do whatever I can to summon Zhu Rong present inside my soul, so I can keep the steady march forward with a firm grip, even when every muscle from my body is begging me to give up.

My mind also begs me to give up, but I will not allow my own depression and this unforsaken feeling of meaninglessness to stand in my way and spread pain and feelings of threat around me, because I can't betray Áine's will. I will not surrender to the thoughts of segregation and superiority and silly irritability I keep seeing all around me. I will portray a smile because you all deserve it. Even if I feel always so isolated and underestimated, my pain is mine, and I will absorb it with Trygve, and make good use of it, as fear is what better fuels the scarce courageous strength.

This world sometimes seem to wish me to let go of my dreams, by being forced to stay away from it. But nothing will make me forget my mission, even if it's what is making me go through this hell in the first place. Also, even if I meet the dead-ends and aftergoal disillusions as I usually see that my dedication rarely brings me any reward, maybe I should have a little more of Vesta and listen to her advices. Maybe I'm not aiming for the nuclearity of my problems, I just need Zhu Rong to face the fears even Trygve can't control.

At the end of day, the absent fire being missed the most is Hephaestus, and the enthusiasm he always used to bring with the bright-red appearances of his. But this loneliness that usually brings me to him sometimes lead my dark forces, and make me think of giving up. However, somehow I'm still always finding some small drops of renewed courage to face each new day.

So, whatever it takes, despite what happens, I will not be brought down.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Of days of defeat

Never before have I felt such aversion against meeting my birthday and getting older. It strikes me as a judgement day when I ponder on how I'm living my life, and I always think I'm not living it to the fullest, and guilt fills my soul (and it works like a growing maleficent undertone).

My fear is of time hammering on. It's not the fear of the lost youth, because in some ways I feel so old and weary already. Neither it is the fear of facing death and leaving this world - somehow it really doesn't bother me as I'd expect it to. No, it's just the fear that I'm running out of time to do all I want to do, and I think I can't really explain why it doesn't really have much to do with the denied alternatives.

But then again, this mad quest has just started and in less than one year I've learned more than I dreamed I ever could, so I can only hope each year that is yet to come will bring me as much knowledge as my 22nd one alone did. Hopefully one day I can reach the height of my ambitions.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Of renewal

One of the pleasures I value is homecoming. The feeling of returning to the familiar, to what belongs to me. It's the best thing about tasting a new world, the way my own seems to be feeling fresh to be felt again.

The things I wasn't aware before now suddenly call my attention again, all the things that compose my identity. Of course, the previously visited world is already an addition to my identity as well, but the twist in perspective made me aware of things I was too overloaded with to notice them, and now they can be seen and my own life seems renewed.

So this is all a reinforcement to my quest for different mindscapes and new feelings. Novelties will broaden my subjective horizon, but it will also help me value my own identity. It's like wondering about how would it feel to have my archetype called Wayland and the way this revives the feeling I have about having it called Hephaestus.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Mindscapes #6

I'm currently experiencing a mindscape that is having a certain impact me. Since I've understood how mindscapes and undertones and generations work, it's the first truly amazing sensorial feeling I'm experiencing this generation (more specifially a Novelty one), so I'm doing my best to taste it the better can before generations change, and then I'll long to relive it as my future generations (the december me) will recall these days, and so maybe it could be reinforced along the generations and could become a Prime Undertone.

So, there's this band called Lúnasa, which plays irish folk tunes. I've always enjoyed them, but it was when paying attention to the name of the songs of the album Otherworld that the whole thing really struck me. Simply put, it gives me summer feelings. It makes me think of living a peaceful life and having adventures in a tranquil irish village.

The songs have a lighthearted feeling to them (it's already my Safe Port in this generation), but sometimes some songs have a feeling of tension to them, such as the pipework at the beginning of the song Lafferty's..., which makes me picture irish kids having some adrenaline, probably jumping fences, running from dogs. Screaming and then recovering breath as they laugh in relief and talk about how, say, Trevor almost didn't make it.

The name of the songs make me think of stories the characters lived, such "The Floating Crowbar" and "Stolen Apples" (maybe Lafferty's?). The name of the songs also refer to people, such as Dr. Gilbert, Miss Goodavich, Laura Lynn. It really makes me think of some lads having good times and the people that composed that experience's identity. Maybe it's the memories of childhood and teen years (hence "Otherworld"), which gives me a great feeling.

It makes me think of the Hobbiton, and there's something about it that reminds me Zelda games when you go around the town engaging in carefree quests to help the villagers with their businesses, exploring the place. But the best thing was that I was looking at pictures on tumblr, and then I saw fireworks, it was a really amazing mindscape (epiphanic, soundtracked, combined, harmonic). These songs also seem to be really amazing to play and listen to when camping with friends.

Finally, I'd like to say these songs are creating a quintessence in me (it'd be amazing if these songs were indeed shared memories, it'd confirm my "transfered quintessence" theory, as it makes me think of a childhood and early-adulthood experience different from mine). It's already somewhere among my all-time favorite albums, as it gives me the feeling of carefree adventure, friendship, summer, green trees and laughter altogether.

Of composed identity

Some quintessences that are hard to be put in words, and they always need time to spring into a developed concept. This is one of these charging posts, and with it I'll slowly develop my mind on this idea of forming and learning the identity of things.

Our identity is, apparently, formed by more than our personality and appearance (and name). It seems to go beyond the the metaphorical roads we choose and grounds we tread, but also the literal ones. All the physical world that surrounds us seem to build our own identity. Here we go about the mindscapes only people who live in the same city can experience, therefore creating unique undertones unique to those people, and so, the chance to develop a unique cultural identity. It's one of those things I like to think, about how geographicalities influence culture, such as the drastic contrast between the dryness of the desert and the fertility on the borders of the Nilo river made the ancient egyptians develop a highly dualistic culture about life and death.

All the things that surround me are part of my identity. For instance, the actors of the movies I like somehow seem to be part of my identity, like Harrison Ford. Or maybe that guy who makes the best hollywood posters, Drew Struzan. Or maybe that person who plays that beautifully eerie fiddle in the first Otyg album (I don't know for sure if it's Cia Hedmark). Also the trees my neighbour has chosen also end up being part of my identity, as I see them in a daily basis. It's ecause even things that aren't really a choice or action of my own are still in me. And that's a disturbing thought, from a certain point of view, as I think of all the disgusting things my father does and that I have to live with.

So let's go on about the sense of place again. All the little things help create it, the vegetation, climate, architecture, the people that live around here (and their origins), society's mentality and even the name of that little grocery store, they all are what compose the place's identity (it's a symptomatic vortex of the Genius Loci). As it goes with the Unseen Mindscape, we slowly grow unable to recognize and feel the world and life around us (and our own identity along with it), so one can always feel it again by playing something I've already mentioned before, the Cardinal Twist.

With the help of a mirroring surface, we can really see the world with reverse cardinal points (a little bit of closed eyes and imagination does the trick too). There we feel attracted to our world in reverse inside that mirrorland, where the sun sets and shadows strech along towards the other side of the world. It calls our attention as it makes us aware of things we are long too numb to notice about the identity of our own world and self.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Of alphabetical impressions

Although this whole addiction to find new ideas everyday is quite recent, I think I always had this thing for analyzing things. In my teen years I had one or another theories, but when I think about it, even as a kid I had these strange obsessions and curiosities.

I quite underestimate my past selves, but in the end I always had this curious side. I remember when I was aged 6 or something and I used to have speech and language problems, so my mother took me to a phonoaudiologist and after some months of speech therapy I was talking like a normal kid. But then I remember that because of that I was paying attention to the sound of words and the letters. It's funny how I already had a category for things even back then: there were fat letters and thin letters, and they were pairs of dualities (of cooourse a 6-year-old knew what a duality was). For instance, B was a fat letter, P was a thin one; T was a thin letter, D was the fat one. It was all in portuguese, but even in english this differentiation happens to some extent.

And recently I've been thinking of letters again, and how I have one different emotional response from each one. I've always noticed how "V" and "Z" sound really technological and modern. Maybe because of words like Vector and Zeta. "A" is definitely a feminine letter (but maybe that's because in portuguese, though "O" doesn't really sound masculine). I haven't payed attention to how each letter works for me (and I already have too many quests, I can't start any kind of Alphabetical Impressions mission now), but that's a matter of paying attention to my reaction to words and why they make me feel the way I do ("reaction" deserves to be analyzed).

If one day I manage to understand how I react to letters and words it would help me improving my word-tasting habits, and also'd help me creating names for characters (I'm dead-sure JK Rowling made this exercise herself). But the best of all, maybe I could also understand why the name Wayland really makes me think of deep purple (the color), even though I can't be considered a synesthetic person.

Of familiarization

This whole idea of accepting names and getting used to them really reminds me of how we get used to all other things in life, such as moving to a new home, or meeting new people and new places.

There's one quite prime example to this, which is when we start having classes with new people, and they all look weird, or sometimes too normal. Towards the end of the year we look at how familiarized we are with them, and we remember the first impression we had toward them and it triggers this whole feeling.

It seems the mind seems to slowly understand these new identities and personalities, and then, with time, an emotional response start to be created from those people, also from their names. I find it amazing how people and their names always get fused in an incredible way. It's even more amazing how two completely different people with the same name still make you find their identities to be completely fused with their names, even if the two girls are called Ana.

The matter of familiarization also includes the places and feelings we get from them. Any backyard, street, building seem to have their own identity. We develop a more solid emotional responses as we learn more about them (as they work as a quick way of recognizing important things). It's something about the sense of place, the so-called Genius Loci I mention here once in a while.

Of acceptance of names

There's one interesting thing that happens when I name things, even if they don't capture the original quintessence. It's curious how things materialized can have an identity of its own with time.

Sometimes I wonder how would it feel if I was in an alternate reality and, instead of chosing the greek Hephaestus as my artist archetype, I had chosen the norse/germanic blacksmith Wayland. For one it wouldn't have its glowing red feeling I'm used to feel when referring to the greek god. It seems I'd feel a certain dark purple that somehow is the color of the emotional response I have from the norse god.

And the same goes for the rest of the names for the Fire Ensemble characters, as I wasn't quite satisfied with most of them. But as it turns out, as I keep using them, my mind gets used to it. Even if Trygve is a weird name (and quite a fail, since it comes from no mythological source), I start to feel intimate to use those letters to identify to that archetype. The same thing happened to Zhu Rong, and the interesting thing is that it becomes a quintessence of its own, as I start associating it with its symbol, the campfire, and as I attribute to him my adventurous nature. And by doing that, the Indiana Jones in me is revived again with maybe even more passion. That's truly one of the weirdest things about the Creator's Paradox.

Of too many names

Lately I've been noticing how certain names seem to work better. Some last through generations, while others go dormant and are forgotten. It appears that certain names that last seem to capture the inner quintessence. As I've learned there's basically two ways I name my ideas, and maybe I can get closer to the answer.

First of them is having a quintessence of an idea, and then finding a word that describes it. This is the Traditional Naming. The second one is finding a word that looks interesting, a novelty vortex, and its undercurrent meaning appeals me as new idea, a new motif. I call this Reverse Naming.

For some reason, I've been finding that Reverse Names are to be questioned, because, really, every little word calls my attention, and I want to create motifs from them. This makes it easy to create new ideas (sometimes really fresh new ones), but it is dangerous, because of them dreary Synonyms. Then something happen, something I don't fully understand yet, that is a quintessence being born from these words, instead of using them to name the already existing quintessence inside me, and then something like... twin motifs are born.

It also happens when going for traditional when trying to find names to describe an existing idea or feeling, there's the overload vortex too, as too many words and names would fit the idea. What if, instead of Hephaestus, had I chosen Wayland? And also its variations sound appealing to me: Weiland, Völundr,Velentr, Wielant. If I go around the internet searching for names of gods of fire I feel so tempted to create a character for each one of them. God, I feel so sorry I couldn't use the hindu god of fire, Agni, that's such a badass name. It would sound too close to Áine, though.

So the problem is pretty much, Reverse Naming. Maybe I should stop and control myself against creating things from the outside. Strange, but that sentence called my attention. It sounds really meaningful to me, somehow.

Also, Jesus, this blog was supposed to help me unload my ideas, not to give me a thousand new things to think about.

Of Creator's Paradox

Weeks have passed since I started charging my thoughts on how any idea written or drawn or composed or materialized in any way always turn out to be something quite original on it's own, but never completely true to the original intent. It's as if there always was some kind of wall that separated the piece of art from its quintessence.

I can feel it very well with the Fire Ensemble. All those five different fires are much more connected than it seems, because the materialization of these feelings as characters forced me to break them apart in separate beings. But in the end Hephaestus has too much of Aine in it, in a way I could have made him to be her son. Or maybe Zhu Rong could be Hephaestus' brother, or Trygve's son. Aine could be Vesta's mother, or the very opposite.

But it doesn't seem to be a really impossible task. It seems to be more a certain matter of skill, as experienced artists can seem to craft a soul in their works, so notes become music, two-dimensional lines create the tridimensional world they imagined, or a text becomes something more than an accumulation of sequential words and his ideas are clear to the reader (the quintessence is transferred). The emet element seems to happen when there's a successful materialization of the quintessence.

Also, maybe those perennial motifs are those in which names captured successfully the quintessences that are the emotional responses...

Of Quintessence

Sometimes things call so much my attention it seeds an idea in my mind. Sometimes they create sparkles of ideas, but sometimes these sparkles grow to be so thick that they seem to have become something like a mass with a gravitational force of its own. As it's an interesthing phenomena, it needs one really cool name for it. I'm calling them Quintessences.

Although it can usually happen through personal experiences (such as mindscapes), and from watching other people, sometimes it can happen when I'm watching a picture or listening to a song or some piece of art (that usually contains the Emet Element), and it  strikes me  in a way that an intimate connection seems to be created. When I have such a connection with a song, for instance, usually the sounds I hear create diverse imagery in my mind, and all sorts of ideas are born from it. It's as if that piece of art radiated the original feeling or idea the artist had on the other side. Sometimes it seem like it's more my reading of it, though sometimes lyrics or the titles indicate the it indeed was the intention of the artist for us to feel that. It satisfies me to think that art is this transference of quintessences.

The quintessences born in my mind could very well be recycled mindtraps. That is, misinterpretations of the world, misinterpretations of other people's essences, things that are wrong but can be used as creative material. As mindscapes can sometimes be intense experiences that leave an imprint in my mind, they usually become undertones. And as they grow in essence to become a Prime Undertone, these can be quintessences as well.

Those quintessences are basically concentrated emotional responses. They're shapeless ideas that concentrate everything into this one instantaneous thing. So my mind is basically one huge, ethereal quintessence I'm always trying  to decipher. The problem, though, is that quintessences don't let themselves be materialized this easily. Writing about them never seems to do them justice. Neither does naming them, which is apparently the reason why they are forgotten and then I keep finding new names for the same quintessences.

Of Emet Element

Some debut albums, or first installment of franchises sometimes seem to feel to me like they have a more solid identity than the following works. It seems they seem to have a spirit of their own, a unique soul in them the artists managed to capture.

Sometimes I think what I need for the notes on the guitar to become music, or what is needed in my strokes for the image to look real, it's what is needed for the thing to feel real, for them to feel alive, to have this soul, and not be just a bland clay statue. I'm calling this the Emet Element (as the Hebrew word that is said to have given life to the legendary Golem of Prague).

This is one of the aims I want to achieve in my arts, as I think it's what is needed to reach to the other side of the uncanny valley. With it Z-Lines are possible, and it's the element that apparently seems to create the Gusto Effect.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Of Vortex Classification

There was a flaw in this vortex and undercurrents thing that has been bothering me for a while. The issue I've found is that while merging vortexes and diving events I mostly forgot the original meaning I had for vortexes, so it all became a huge snowball, for these grounds that I rushed into are unexpectedly boggy. Maybe the best thing to do is to start again.

A vortex is, as I first thought, anything that calls my attention. They give me ideas, and there's always something to be thought about them, because they're concrete manifestation of an undercurrent, so every little thing can be a vortex. The issue arised when the symptomatic quality of the updated vortex didn't fit with the original one which also featured vortexes as things that seeded thoughts and ideas in my head. So here I'll have to separate them in categories. The way I categorized Mindscapes seemed to work fine to me, as each experience could be several of each definition.

The first one is the Symptomatic Vortex, the concrete manifestation of an undercurrent, or the first braudelian level, facts, being hint to the unseen third level, structure. For instance, coins and money bills are vortexes to the capitalism. These outdoors and signs that make me realize I live in one of the southern states of Brazil (which I mention on the post about Unseen Things), are also symptomatic vortexes.

They call our attention because of our desire and curiosity to learn the meaning, force, story or technique behind it. For instance, my dogs always call my attention, and I end up thinking of all that is life because of them (sometimes the adaptativity of life, domestication, offspring variation, but it usually calls my attention their curiosity and how they seem to think - at least in an emotive, intuitive way, like emotional responses).

We all enjoy a pretty view, right?
And although the way Symptomatic Vortexes are pretty simple and straight-forward, so far I could identify some peculiarities about them.

Repetition Vortex: it's when some event or fact repeats itself, it calls our attention as we start creating patterns. If a symptomatic vortex can make us create an opinion and argument, the repeated vortex fortifies the opinion.

Obvious Vortex: when something calls our attention because it's a glaring and undeniably obvious proof, example, fact. It's easy for everybody to see. Can also be called Watermelon-on-your-head Vortex.

Experienced Vortex: It's the case of the vortex that's only noticeable by experienced persona. The example here are diseases that are diagnosed by experienced doctor, or engineering flaws the layman can't notice. It's the opposite of the watermelon vortex.

And then, I start to notice sometimes things call our attention for other reasons, other than analytical curiosity. Sometimes I simply find myself attracted to certain things in an emotional way, and these are the Desire Vortexes (they're still symptomatic, but they're only symptoms of my desires).

Undertone Vortex: Sometimes thing call our attention because they remind me of things that appeal me. It's a symptom of a Prime Undertone. For instance, violets  represent the Fuchsian Flowers, a pine reminds me of Eerie and Rustic (also, they're symptoms of Áine and Trygve).

Also a Prime Undertone: Fogginess (or is it Rainy?)
Spice Vortex: These are the spicy details that enhance the experience. Flowery trees easily stand out in a landscape for me, because they add some flavor to the view with its colors.

Fused Vortex: something that calls our attention because it reminds us of something or someone else. When in love everything that reminds us of our love call our attention.

Obsession Vortex: When nothing but a certain kind of things call our attention. When too much in love, nothing but Fused Vortexes call our attention.

Distracting Vortex: It's when things call our attention when they shouldn't. Sometimes I have to focus on my studies and the sky outside keeps attracting my attention. It overlaps with Obssession Vortexes.

Vortex Overload: It's when everything calls so much your attention you can't focus on anything. It's the matter of being too interested or too inspired. Everything will be a distracting vortex. It always happen to me when reading about a new subject that gives me too many names. Or when I'm in class and every sentence makes me wonder beyond the world about the very subject - and that's the thing, it's distracting even though we're not thinking about something else.

Novelty Vortex: Unlike undertone vortex which things call our attention because they remind us of something we already like, the novelties are things that call our attention because they're new and fresh. When find unexplored material, every part of it will bring about a vortex overload.

Sparkle Vortex: Sometimes something or someone will call so much my attention that it basically creates an idea in my mind. It's the case of the guitar melody that is Ana's leitmotif, or the violins in that Yann Tiersen song that makes me think of flowers.

Mindscape Vortex: Something that wouldn't call our attention if it wasn't for a mindscape. Let's say we're waiting for the bus, and suddenly the solo that has just started matches for some reason with the tree across the street (which never called your attention before this Soundtracked Mindscape). As it calls your attention now, it can spring to be a novelty vortex, and possibly even a sparkle one.

And I think this is pretty much it for now. While I haven't been able to analyze every thing that calls my attention and there's a lot to be explored yet (such as people being vortexs, and the desire and fear of myself being a vortex to other people). This motif is a ground that needs a lot of improvement, but these will do the trick for now. But as a note to myself: improve your vocabulary, it called the attention how much that expression was overused.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Of notes to myself

My past self has always been seen by myself as one too stupid and careless, and also I'm always afraid the future self will betray me. But fortunately I'm starting to realize how arrogant the present self is (I am). And it's because generations have taught me that the past has things to teach me, and if the evil, heartless future will forget something, the present me is already doing it right now. So that's the best thing about generations, the way it seems to have resolved some of my petty realizations towards my other selves.

So while I haven't got my Inner Constitution ready to stablish a common language for the different generations, I'll have to play some paliativities. Hopefully writing down some notes to my present and future selves will help important dormant thoughts to be revived.

Don't let awareness against unconscious movements decrease
("it's pretty much the idea of unruled intuition being a flawed cog ruining the efficiency of the machine. i have to dissect it and reconfigure it, so when it's back in place, it'll wok properly. I just have to be able to see when a cog is being the one responsible for my problems, though it's complicated because there's always a unconscious force pulling the strings of everything")

Pay attention to the undercurrent meanings and forces
("'the unseen movement of water underneath the surface; its tug and motion are only perceptible upon submersion'")

Don't understimate mermaidian words, thoughts and feelings
("They trick you to believe they're accurate. They're not really convincing, but you're not following logic, you could be acting mostly through emotional responses, or being under influence of some unconscious forces")

Practice sensibility towards emotional responses.
("That explains how easy it is for me to make analogies and metaphors and allegories, as I can easily make connections between those ideas I feel." / "Emotions travel around the brain much faster than logic. But also reason can protect me from mindtraps that are bound to be originated in an emotional mind")

Don't sit still, make some adrenaline pump in, summon Zhu Rong to defeat his archenemy, Procrastinator ("Cross the line of hesitation and unleash the confident movement while thinking 'I'm doing it'")

Keep pushing the comfort zone outwards
("As the matter of comfort zones goes, (there's) the process of development by settling for the harder mode, which is to gain experience in a more risky area, which seems to develop the skill faster")

Of trodden, maintained and improved grounds

Sometimes I like watching the grounds I've trodden. Sometimes it seems to have become an obsession, to find new grounds to tread. Sometimes I find some motifs and I explore them a little and then go on to find new ones. And sometimes I forget there's much more to that than simply finding new things.

The problem with this kind of expansion is that a collapse always ensues. When I realized I was losing some motifs to dormancy, I noticed they've been forsaken because I can only find new grounds to tread, but I can't maintain them. It's the whole issue of the Clash Of Generations, things being forgotten, ideas falling off my grip. This leads to the issue between Dormant and Perennial motifs.

It feels like in the end I'm just playing around, not taking it all too seriously. Even if I manage to tread new grounds and maintain them all together under this single empire without many rebellions, still there's the issue of improving them. And here I have the Jack Of All Trades mindtrap, the mindtrap that makes me want to have it all, but failing to do it all properly (it's one of the enemies of Vesta). Some ideas I have are really, really underdeveloped, she keeps reporting.

Of toying with ideas

The change of mood in my mind also make the mental matters to feel even more hard to be held in place. It changes from mythological to historical and psychological to gamified. They seem to be shape-shifters. So even if emotional responses make ideas more real, these changes make them feel different as generations change. After all, the Fire Ensemble sometimes seem to be a reincarnation of the Three Departments, but maybe Vesta can make these both stay.

Maybe Vesta is the patron of the Development Department, while Hephaestus is the patron of the Resources Department, and Trygve is the patron of the Law Department. Zhu Rong oversees Law and Development, while Áine oversees the Resources and Development.

But these are more creative exercises, and I don't really mind if these creative endeavours change too much throughout generations. But then again, although most things in here end up being really good to practice creativity, sometimes it seems I'm only toying with ideas, and not dedicating myself to resolve them fully.

Of frequency, abstraction and aptness

Apparently there are several reasons to explain why some ideas are forgotten and why some are not. I don't know how relevant each reason is, or which one is more important to define a perennial or a dormant motif, or even if there are much more reasons other than the ones I've identified, but anyway, it helps me clear my mind if I start with the first steps.

One of them seems to be strength of a motif that will help it survive in the stormed surface of the conscious mind. So it's a matter of frequency. Perennial motifs happen to be everywhere. Ideas that I use all the time and which are undercurrents for everything around me are less likely to wither into dormant state.

The second is abstraction. Although Nuclearity is frequent, sometimes I forget about it because of the Overloaded Blindfold. It's a semi-perennial motif, it seems. It's influential, but it still requires some kind of awareness the blindfold denies me. But it seems that mental concepts are the most prone to go dormant, as they're in this annoying ethereal state. The emotional responses are useful because they make ideas less ethereal, but there's this whole mess involving names and emotional responses that confuses my mind.

Third one is aptness. Ideas that are against my natural talent are harder to be tamed. For instance, Vesta and Zhu Rong are the most absent because temperance and courage aren't my strength (though I feel them in some outbursts). It's something about those slaves skills (now, becoming more frequent, the motif seemed to be easily revived), things that require much more effort to be tamed.

Finally, it seems I'm having things more clear now. I'll need to charge and season my thoughts some more, but I'm surprised at how fast I'm getting to a possible solution or diagnostic. Maybe I'm doing it, my mind is getting developed a little more. Or maybe I'm just overworking a simple issue.

Of losing focus

Sometimes when I'm concentrated in my room and I have one huge and important realization, I noticed I unvoluntarily will rush out as to breath some fresh air, as if that would help me swallow the idea. And although sometimes it's a key element that wraps things together, it opens a new world to tread, a new world to fit with the already existing one.

It becomes then like a matter of being too inspired, having too many of thoughts at once. It's when I have no focus that I start walking around the place pointlessly, until I have the courage to come back to the writing station. And by writing here my mind calms down, like a little toy for the hyperactive to distracts himself.

This is all about Generations being a braudelian concept, and the surface generations, those thousands of little waves of individual thoughts (nudging around those even more instantaneous emotional responses leaving me even more unfocused), are the worst ones. Sometimes a good idea appears in the ocean of thoughts trying to decpher the codes, but it is overwhelmed, runned over by the mass of agitated thoughts trying to get attention. And there the poor guy disappears, becomes one more unfinished business weighing in my mind.

But maybe I should be glad the spin happened, and then it would be a matter of the spin happening again, and then charging it until it would be strong enough to bear a name, and then becoming a motif, so a little harder to be erased from my mind again.

Hm, maybe that could mean something. Maybe the strength of the motif in the crazy stormed mind is what indicates the potential for it to become Perennial...

Of Revival

The dormancy is also equivalent to a skill that rusts. After all, I know that every skill requires some kind of sensibility to feel connected to them, and with time, without practice, this connection withers, so I have to warm it up for it to feel prime again.

Also, the taming of a motif requires sensibility, and the one I had towards certain motifs when in the golden, enthusiastic age of their discovery seems to weaken if I'm not practicing them. After all, for reasons still unknown, not all motifs are born perennial, so they will lie dormant, lost in time, and I have to drag them back to my consciousness by reviving my sensibility towards them.

One of the reasons why motifs I find on this blog that are dormant and don't do their job that is to stir my emotional response is because I forget names are supposed to be only some form of a vessel for the motif. That is, they help me be aware of the motif's existance, though the motif is not supposed to be the name itself. It's hard to explain, but it feels like opening a bottle and letting the shapeless fragrance fill the room.

It seems that if I concentrate myself enough, dedicate myself enough on feeling the nameless emotional response that is the motif, and then reattaining my sensibility towards it, it can be revived again. So while I can't find the answer for making dormant motifs become perennial, this will be a paliative trick to help me for my current needs.

Of Perennial and Dormant Motifs

Although I keep recordind my ideas on this blog, some of them didn't really stay in my mind as generations change. It always requires some effort to bring them back, like the awareness against the dangers of the unconscious forces and mermaid words and other mindtraps caused by them. On the other hand, other ideas do stay without much or any effort, like the desire to learn logistics, for instance. I wish I knew why some stay and why some are forgotten.

These ideas that travel through generations are what I'm calling Perennial Motifs. Some principles of mine, like Solidity also are perennial because I don't really need to worry about them, it's as unconscious and influential as it can get, no chance of being dethroned by some other unconscious force. The important thing here is that I don't need to worry about perennial motifs being forgotten - they're firmly installed in my mind.

Those other ideas that I have to keep recalling are the Dormant motifs. And it requires some effort from me to keep them active, they're like what I once called slave skills (I had forgotten about that). The idea of dormancy also can be applied to forces within me, as the members of the Fire Ensemble aren't always here (Vesta and Zhu Rong are the most absent ones). Fortunately, the forces they fight, such as fears and other negative impulses (which I'll call the Dark Army) also lay dormant sometimes.

The problem with dormant motifs is that they're the reason why in every other generation their apparent absence make me be once again aware of them, spend some effort giving them another name, and as the new employed motif goes to his room, he finds it already occupied by a lazy motif who sleeps all day and doesn't do his bloody duty. It's kinda awkward, because Vesta can't let them both stay. She gets really mad at Hephaestus, because he's the one who loves creating those little names, and she has too deal with the consequences of hits hypercreativity (is that even a thing?).

Anyway, in one of those twisted metaexamples, as Perennial and Dormant Motifs are motifs on their own, I wonder if I'll remember them. That is, this idea that I'm having right now, will I remember it afterwards, will it sink into the influential part of unconscious and become perennial, or will they go to maze-like part of the unconscious in which things are apparently powerless?

But as unresolved as it still is, at least with those two kind of motifs identified, i'll be able to handle the issue with a little more efficiency. So now I am able to rise the question: is there any way Dormant Motifs can become Perennial? Is there a way to make the forces of the Fire Ensemble ever awake, protecting me from the negative forces?

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Of new exigencies

For one I know I develop myself only under pressure. So i'll start the month by settling down for some more exigencies I feel guilty for not having followed so far. Thanks to Vesta's Fire, I self-persuaded myself enough to try obeying them in order to make the texts be improved a little more.

One of them exigencies will be practiced with the Framing Rule. It basically feels like Edging in drawing and playing music. It'll involve reviving the HK-47 Protocol, and working with Undercurrents and to stablish a better sequentiality of words.

The second one is the Revisionist Rule. Because I'm tired of seeing so many stupid mistakes in my texts (unfinished sentences and unnecessary grammar mistakes such as "builded"). I rarely have the the guts to read what I've written, so this will help me with the Framing Rule too. To revise my texts I'll need some determination and courage, so I'll need Zhu Rong's Fire to reinstall Seasoning, so I can unload the Overloaded Blindfold.

Third one is Planning Rule, which will make me develop my chaining abilities. After all, I'm feeling it's the skill I'm feeling most pleasure to develop, connecting leitmotifs. It sure will help me develop my sequential writing abilities, both for future stories and, if I still have time left for that, songs.

These exigencies are to be practiced from this post onward. If it all goes as planned, it'll demand more time from me, but the sincere dedication will increase quality immensely. And I'll feel less guilty about the work i've been doing here. That is, until I meet Aftergoal Disillusion and chase more exigencies.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Checkpoint #7

October was an interesting month. It was the most unbelievably prolific period I had so far, so many important ideas I've tamed here. But the best thing of it all is that some loose ideas finally seemed to be less messed up and now I know how to deal with them. Apparently I'm starting to get the grip of how motif mining works, though Vesta's Fire is telling me there is a whole damn lot left to be discovered and, mostly, corrected (such as one big issue I've noticed with the updated vortexes).

However, the main thing that called my attention was the sudden turn of events when I had the strong will to focus my mind entirely on drawing skills. It was an interesting phenomena I want to replicate, because in only one or two weeks I've made such a huge jump in my skill. I'll surely try that again some other time, mainly with writing. I could use some improvement with this skill. That feeling from Edging is being missed in my texts.

As with improvement, new issues also arise, it's how aftergoal rolls on. Along with the ever present feeling of unfulfillment from all I've built here, the Blackouts started this month, and it's a huge concern of mine. But I'm working with how it can be controlled. If I find a way to keep this enthusiasm rolling on, or, more precisely, find a way to make it always be fired up when I need it, then I'll have one less worry.

Now, each month is bringing at least one shiny treasure, and it's spoiling me, so i'm expecting to see what November will bring. That is, besides those dozens of ideas already pushed off October's range. God, I haven't realized until now how much productive I've been.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Of Fire Ensemble

This is a little exercise I've made trying to identify the forces inside me as characters. Kind of building my own mythology or something like that. Unfortunately there was no time to write down their characteristics in time, mainly because this idea was really hard to be materialized in a proper way.  So here it goes who they are, and someday I'll have their story written down.

Hephaestus' Fire - The Forge - The Creation and Enthusiasm

Aine's Fire - The Sun - The Life and Passion

Trygve's Fire - The Ignis Fatuus - The Sour and Resistance

Vesta's Fire - The Hearth - The Protection and Temperance

Zhu Rong's Fire - The Campfire - The Courage and Vigour

Of updates (Prime Undertones)

So, if a past perception is a different generation that rolls into the unconscious and become cobwebs that influence me, the prime undertones are also in this mess. So there's some thoughts regarding it, divided in three main subjects. First, how they get formed, and second, how they are shared with others. Third, their relation with vortex.

First, they seem to be originated from mindscapes, that belonging to a past generation, their imprint in my mind makes it become a minor undertone. I have some of these from the mindscapes I experienced last month. Apparently the undertones are created by the level of intensity of each mindscape, so when there's any recalling of a past generation, these undertones will spring out from the unconscious as a desire to be reexperienced. And this way, by repeating the experience, the undertone will gradually grow to become a Prime Undertone.

So, regarding the second topic, the undertones seem to be created by experiences we have. So, the more people share experiences, the more prime undertones in common they will have. As a braudelian concept, the surface levels are the experiences I had which are unique to my own, because our amount of experiences are unique. Then comes the people who share most of our experiences, like our family and our closest friends. Movies, books and songs also count as experiences, which can connect people together. And then this will go until the deepest bottom of the framework, in which only the most primordial experiences are shared, probably universal undertones. Maybe those are jungian archetypes.

And the third topic, the prime undertones come to us like vortexes, in the sense of any elementality that calls our attention. They stand above the vortexes, because they influence what we'll identify as a vortex. And that's the reason why things sometimes seem so desperatly subjective, because we're recalling only things that already belong to us. This is, after all, one of the reasons why I am always looking for new mindscapes, as they'll grant me new undertones that will broaden my subjective horizon a little more.

Of Generations

Months have passed since I have first thought about things that were forgotten, but it seems now I'm finally starting to understand what's going on. Probably what makes my perceptions change are the accumulation of information. They are changing every moment. The news tomorrow are going to be different ones, the thoughts we'll have tomorrow are going to be different. Even if they are the same thoughts than today, they are accumulation of today's thoughts. Our mind has to adapt to that and it becomes everchanging to be able handle this everchangingness of the events in this world. I haven't read anything about it, so there's no theoretical backup here.

The changes and different perceptions occur, obviously, according to Braudel's Framework. Some are minor ones and change our perception about, I don't know, someone else. Some others are major and change our perception about something bigger, like the whole world.I'll call Generations these middle-ground perceptions between minor and major ones, the medium-term process I haven't payed much attention before. My long-term perception remains the same, the thirst for knowledge and development, but something in-between medium and short-time perceptions change and because of that, for my mind to deal with the overwhelming accumulation of thoughts, so constantly I'm losing track of important thoughts.

In fact, I can recall the change of generations seem to happen every month or so, since recalling something from weeks ago already feel much in the past. And this is how I'm going, always feeling like the whole of my thoughts are slipping off my grip. It always feel like having to go back to get one that has fallen behind. Every generation seems to learn everything all over again if the previous one doesn't leave any legacy to teach them the important things that take too much time to learn by trial-and-error.

So, the issue is, I have the problem of communication in-between generations. I don't want to forget what past generations have already learned, so I need to find a way to overcome this. Except I already did start a project like that, it's the Inner Constitution. It's great how a key element connects everything.

Of accumulative past perceptions

It's amazing how one single epiphanic realization can tie everything up so nicely and organically. It's one missing sylvan being that makes the whole asymmetric flock of unpaired motifs to suddenly become one single unit of a concept. It's the key element that makes the overly complex mess become a graspable idea. Probably this is the last step before going deeper, as the current motifs can be packed in single unit with a slightly-more-finished-business stamp on it that grants my mind a blissful weightlessness with the sense of accomplishment before the Aftergoal Disillusion. Then I'd be able to store it on my shelves and fill the floor with some another puzzle, if things went as planned.

This quest started some time ago when I first got the glimpse of the motif I've been charging until the current concept I'm calling Prime Undertones. I've given some thoughts on cobwebs, and how they are formed. There's this thing about life being a non-stoping machine that pushes us out toward the world before we're done with the meal. In this never-ending evolution things are left behind in the constant evolution of ourselves and they end up finding themselves in the unconscious alleys of the mind, where their screams are dampened by the dark.

So here's the thing, this change of perception of the world I just perceived lately seemed to be something I couldn't quite relate to the cobwebs, but the epiphanic realization brought them together, and I could see how it was one surface event in this whole life-pushing-me-forward business. The past perceptions being left behind are just being stored in the unconscious, because, as I said, they're unfinished business. My mind evolves before I have the chance to deal with them. Interesting plot twist, the past perceptions of the world are the cobwebs.

Of Mindscape Categorization

I always find it hard to explain what a mindscape is, and the reason for so is that they vary highly in kinds. I could identify some kinds so far, and here they are seen as distinct ones, but in truth constantly several will interweave in one experience. It's still a highly underdeveloped categorization, so it'll look pretty cryptical, but I think writing it down will help me organize it a little furthar.

Emotional Mindscape: Simply known as "feelings". They influences the sensorial ones. For instance, when deeply in love, the wind and the air feels different.

Dreamful Mindscape: the emotional mindscape from when we wake up contaminated by an intense feeling we had in our dreams. Be an intense feeling of love, fear or the grief. It's dangerous to wake up reloving someone we have to forget.

Expectant Mindscape: the feeling we develop about something not real or that hasn't happened yet (that will turn out to be not real exactly because of that).

Neighbor Mindscape: it's a special kind of expectant mindscape, as we develop it to understand what other people are feeling. It comes from the saying "the neighbor's lawn is always greener", as the neighbor mindscape always makes us think of the mindscape experienced by the other to feel better than it might actually have been. It's the idea that someone who's living in another city is more fulfilled than us. This mindscape is some sort of a mindtrap, as it makes us forget that they are probably as lost and unfulfilled as we are.

Unseen Mindscape: the ones we aren't aware we are experiencing. For instance, the sense of place, the Genius Loci that each city has and that we are only aware during certain epiphanic moments. Can also be applied to things we are so used to we can't realize, such as the gender we belong to, or our body and our life simply as it is. So, because of some kind of Blindfold we can't see it. It's somehow related to the Neighbor Mindscape as in, could their mindscapes be real and it's unseen to them and not to us?

Anti-mindscape: If a mindscape is to be seen as a sensorial and emotional state that allows the mind to feel inspired, then things that bring us any sort of discomfort can't be considered an actual mindscape, but rather something that prevents us from achieving it. However, present anti-mindscapes, if experienced routinely, can become nostalgic mindscapes, such as the smell of campfire smoke and mud now bring me back memories (they are undertones).

Mental Mindscape: the experience in our heads, usually helped by soundtracked mindscapes, as songs help creates imagery. Emotional responses can be part of mental mindscapes, not sure yet.

Sensorial Mindscapes: the feelings experiences by our senses. Are the most pleasant ones, as sometimes emotional mindscapes don't always are too peaceful to be enjoyed.

Combined Mindscape: The combination of two or more senses to create a mindscape. Usually visual and musical, sometimes featuring the help of scents. Can be Ephiphanic.

Harmonic and Dissonant Mindscapes: a subcategory of combined mindscapes. Harmonic is when the sense are similar in meaning. Dissonant is the contrast among the senses.

Epiphanic Mindscapes: Those are the mindscapes experienced when senses get connected in a spectacular way, most commonly through Soundtracking. One can only prepare the ground for one (mostly by exploring Prime Undertones), but the epiphany itself is a random phenomenon. Not exactly rare, but immensely treasured nevertheless.

Soundtracked Mindscape: is a mindscape created with the help with music. It can be the combination with the outerworld. Can be Combined or Epiphanic.

Internal and External mindscapes: subcategories of the soundtrack mindscape. It's the way a song will estimulate a soundtracked mindscape. Internal means that the song works the way it feels naturally. External means the external quality of the song, such as the year it was made, for instance. The fact that you're listening to video game music on the bus is an external soundtracked mindscape (also epiphanic, dissonant and sometimes shameful).

Nostalgic Mindscapes: It's the recalling of past experiences. As they create our Prime Undertones, not every time it is a nostalgic mindscape, but a fondness towards a special feeling.

Routine Mindscapes: They happen after stablishing routines. They can be natural or artificial. I usually do the chores by listening to a different podcast with each one, so there's a routine that makes the task unique, almost like a rite. Can become nostalgic.

Moody Mindscape: the doing of a task is influenced by how well we feel doing them. Certain subjects feel good to study because they remind us of something, like studying History or Science reminds me of some childhood times when those subjects fascinated me. Gamification is one form of Moody Mindscape (studying makes my knowledge become solid, so it feels like getting experience and becoming stronger). Routine and Nostalgic Mindscapes can allow Moody Mindscapes. As it's constant, it's the opposite of the Epiphanic, which has an intense peak and quickly fades.

Of observer's interference

It's weird how Mindscapes and Prime Undertones and other more emotional ideas seem to become different than they first were simply because I've started paying attention to them. Sometimes thinking about some emotions they seem to become different. It's as if the idea about writing about and analyzing them stain their purity.

But how can I truly know if there has been any interference or am I just witnessing a natural evolution?

Of metawriting

Writing allows mankind to develop more complex thoughts, and I can feel it here. Writing helps me to notice flaws and underdevelopment of the logic and it helps me to to expand it, and to think of details and learn new possibilities that would be too difficult without writing. And the most important part, at least for me, is that it allows me to focus on the subject.

But as they get more complex, they also can become too complicated to handle. I wonder how the texts feel to the other side, to the readers who are unaware of the whole process that led to the words they are reading, making them to have an almost virginal vision of what the text really is. It's something that I, as a writer, became uncapable of perceiving, blindfolded by the overloadness as I always get myself too contaminated with all the possibilities and crossroads I meet. So the possibility of the final result being something understandable or unbearable to read is something I can no longer tell.

After all, it seems that writing makes the idea always grow into something different than first intended. The materialization of an idea seems to end up being only one of the endless ways it could be shown in this world.  Due to crossroads and possibilities, the consequence that follows each different stroke, the path that changes after every note and the unrepeatable accumulation of sequential words makes the final conclusion that seems to be always only a fragment of what the idea truly is.

And at the same time, the very process of writing is also makes the idea paradoxally more real and intense. Some of these ideas I've written here have existed long before they were named, and when I've expressed them they finally seemed to begin existing, like a second birth, a second wave of enthusiasm that ensues. So it becomes an obsession, the feeling that ideas aren't official before I have materialized them with words. I begin really thinking of them after they were posted, mainly because I start realizing things I should have included.

So there's the problem that is the possibility that the materialization makes that small fragment of the idea being turned real and intense, making the materialized idea feels limited (and probably why some old ideas feel alien to me already, as the emotional response comes from the word that didn't capture the essence of my thought). And that's how I can see simplicity can be harmful, as expanding the idea into complexity gives room for it to manifest itself fully. But maybe it's when I have it nuclearly explained it creates the vortex, the simple phrase that seed thoughts in the reader's mind (making then the exploration of idea occur inside their heads). Maybe sometimes the overly complex subject is only absent of the key element that brings it all together.

But despite its limitations and paradoxes, what matters is that it's an important exercise, as the best thing it does is to unload our mind. Still I find it really interesting, this need of the human mind to express things for them to feel real. It's interesting how opening your heart to someone suddenly makes the burden lighten up a little. This need to materialize things out ourselves makes the purpose of art make more sense to me.