Friday, May 31, 2013

Of crest creativity

I think I’m having a broader sense of practical expectations of my ideas, that I’m wondering what uses I could have for all these thoughts on crests and gems. I’ve been just letting it grow because it was feeling interesting, but fortunately it’s very useful for this lifetime pursuit of mine. After all, it’s my secret fuel for creativity and inspiration.

There are three main applications of crests to use as my source of creativity. The first one is the one I use the most, and that doesn’t require much skill (as it can’t even be controlled directly), that is the regurgitation process. All things I see and absorb later come in form of almost fully developed ideas (or at least bright sparkles).

As far as it’s going, it’s really helping me in having all the creative ideas I’m needing, as the regurgitation can also be more than the golden time of regurgitation which is bed time (or the silver shower time and bronze bus commute).

The second thing, it’s this still mysterious relation between crests and trances. There must be those arcane paths to trances that can be learned so the trance can be ignited at my own will, but so far I’m only making it through mostly trial and error. Maybe it’s some mixture of using abscission arks or other anti-scourger strategies if there’s any poignancy in my mind, and then I need to know how to blend the right crests that are having enough Release&Restraint power.

But the third and most special use I think I can get for crests, is simply the transference of these feelings to others, through the expression of my own mindscapes, or the artificial creation of special dioramas. For the stories or illustrations, I think it’s very important to have a nice notion of these mindscapes components and what makes for a good combination, and how to use them wisely to bring a nice effect on the viewer.

Of dioramas and artificial mindscapes

I was thinking about those lists of mindscapes to post this month, when I noticed something very particular was going on. There were some experiences I had, some feelings, a quintessential gathering I wanted to dismount into pieces to see how every part was playing the role of how that feeling became that feeling, when I noticed those mindscapes weren’t actually mindscapes.

They were dioramas. Apparently, I can have some mindscapes happening so frequently that they were being enacted directly in my mind, like some sort of stage of a dream, which is another frequent topic, the way actual dreams are always around these topics of crests and mental abilities I have, like this memory-making phenomena.

I can’t really know I’ve had an actual memory about it, like this diorama featuring a cloudy beach, low vegetation and owls. Mindscapes are solid experiences that happened for real, and sometimes it seems these dioramas happen like the amalgam of experiences, so it may or may not be a forgotten memory of some sort.

In another almost unrelated topic, dioramas can also seem to be created when some gems inadvertently get mixed when I’m thinking about them, and somehow a scenario appears. It once happened when the quintessences named turquoise, topaz and tourmaline once were together (probably because I was at the moment in a shopping mall near a highway).

The composition of this particular diorama was, naturally, of an instantaneous quintessence that became more defined as I thought on it. It was a modern place, with white tiles, bright-looking floors, minimalistic furniture and some walls replaced by windows. An artificial lake, pond or waterfall was around giving a relaxing ambience. Facing east, there was a vast field outside with cloudy, dark sky and the grass was orange-like due to the sunset light. And that part of the field is one of the most iconic characteristics of dioramas, which is how I can feel it shaping itself, grabbing and trying the actual memories of landscapes I have for it to use to its own manifestation.

Though some answers brought me more questions (like this apparent sentiency of dioramas, or the notions that ideas seem to exist before someone even had them), slowly I’m getting more used to the concept of dioramas, as it’s becoming more defined and less mysterious and it’s getting more exciting to explore. I’m seeing I’m having much more of them than I possibly expected, and I’ve been even witnessing the birth of dioramas.

 If that can go on, then I can even manipulate it for some creative purposes, using my actual mindscapes for the artificial creation of dreamful dioramas.

Of deliciously unfathomable mindscapes

I don’t feel as much intimidated or frustrated when having feelings out of my range of gems, as I feel delighted for the possibility of having a new experience, a possible new type of crest and possibly a gem in the future.

The deal with these mindscapes is that I really don’t know much why it’s going on, unlike other easily defined mindscapes with peridot, garnet or lazulite components. And I don’t know if these are just sylvan crests or even a new crest being created, or feeling things in their own identity rather than some gem series, or then a new layer over it all, or just the reminder that this quest of mine is foolish and the world is too big and varied for this silly attempt.

Now, these unfathomable mindscapes happen usually with music giving me some mood (when ‘howlite’ isn’t enough to describe it). I think I said this before, but as unfathomable as the mindscape keeps being despite my increased range of understanding of its crest components, the more it becomes something more important for me to understand them, because their gem-defying mystery is appealing, just like puzzles are more enticing than our resolved routines.

When there’s a situation of an unfathomable mindscape, I’m engulfed in the fascination to understand it. Fortunately after so much time understanding how mindscapes work with crests, I am getting skilled enough to know at least what is probably making that unfathomable mindscape work, so I can at least know how to make it last longer.

Usually the circumstances of the world that allow me to experience the feeling change and the study is over, but at least there’s something for the wehmut to store and process, so it can be artificially emulated later.

Mindscape #20

I step outside the building and suddenly I’m engulfed by the warm sun of the early afternoon. Not harmful and sweating, but the cozy light rays of autumn that give my clothes that nice smell. 

A girl was walking her dog without hurry, apparently enjoying the same warmth of the sun. In my ears suddenly I had an iconic song by a famous brazilian rock band, and suddenly I’m loving it so much. It’s strange to realize how much it’s striking a chord with me, for being part of my life like this.

I used to dislike the instrumental part of their music but I’m enjoying it now. After having travelled through so many musical lands, I’m back to one of the basics to any Brazilian music listener, and I see how beautiful everything is. I had even forgotten about this eight minute long epic that still sends chills down my spine every single time I listen to it, in a way only this song can do. The lyrics, for which I have always had a terrific respect, are still relevant, intelligent, poetic and acid. And it’s delightful to see how easy to sing along my own native idiom, in a tone similar to my natural voice. The pace, the intonation and pauses, everything comes naturally.

Heading to the university now, where other young students were also chasing their dreams, all like me, all having the same language, a very similar cultural background, all growing to those same songs and about romantic misadventures, revolt against the political, social and economical scenario. All of us, an urban legion of several generations growing with those melodies and impacting sentences.

Suddenly I’m feeling like belonging, which is a very warm feeling to have. It’s delightful to see myself sharing parts of my life with others, no matter how little the piece of similitude is.

Mindscape #19

It’s amazing how sometimes routines can make us live life to its minimum potential. For the sake of convenience, we don’t explore much of different paths because we just want the faster, quicker one. The breaking of the routine can be very refreshing and revitalizing in that sense, when one day I just went to a part of the town I had never been before, and it felt like a different world (which can be quite shameful under some point of view).

I got there early in a very cloudy morning, and I had more than an hour before the schedule at 11am, so I took the time to search around for something I’d been postponing to buy. As I walked around this strangely venue I had always seen only parts of from the distance (or on google maps), and I saw I was really close to the sea, but I was only getting there when I had done what I had to do.

The traffic had a considerable motion, though it was rather eventless, as those times of the day when everybody is at work or at school, as it usually is. Strange thing, this hour of the morning, it was reminding me of my favorite tv shows when I was a kid. They were aired always from 10am until 12pm, and I couldn’t help but remind of all these nickelodeon cartoons and Japanese tokusatsu shows from eighties or early nineties.
Even this unknown place was making me recall this time, when lunch was almost ready and I had no worries.

The sea was there to my left, and I was going towards it finally. Suddenly the intensity of the arterial road was behind, and this seemed to be a more reserved residential area. And finally, there it was, the sea. It was a bay, with coasts on both sides and a short escape to the ocean ahead.

The water was pale, reflecting the same gray tones of the sky. It was also very, very calm. There were virtually no waves. It’s to wonder how this great mass of water can simply reach the land with no conflict. The encounter of the two main geographical characteristics of the planet, and it happened peacefully.

The song I was listening to seemed to be some ambient song with a triphop beat. It was also part of a science fiction concept, and it felt exactly like late nineties, which is exactly when this album seems to have been released.

There was nobody here, just some elderly people at some fruit stalls behind. The sand was untouched except for some steps, two or three different types of footwear. Other than that, nobody could be seen in this small beach (probably inappropriate for bath). No one but two people, far to my left, two people on a little rowboat some yards into the sea. Were they fishing or using the isolation of water to have a moment of their own, I’ll never know. No one will ever know. This place is empty. Suddenly I realized, I was alone and I was free. I was free to be me, to feel like what I like to feel about myself.

There was no surveillance, no cameras, no guards. Not much of social standards. No one was watching us. No one was trying to rule us. We were free. We had freedom, until the world called us back to our duties.

Mindscape #18

It was a sunny day, a sunny midday and everything was so lively and smooth as possible. Beautiful girls were passing by, and groups of friends, heading to and from restaurants, had conversations that looked very interesting by their gesticulations. It was just maybe a little too cold, and I wanted as much of the sun heating my skin as I possibly could. There was absolutely nothing eerie about the situation.

Except I had chosen to listen to a podcast about urban legends and scary stories. I really like when there’s no emails and messages before the theme and they can go straight into their subject. In this case, it started instantaneously with a very nice atmosphere, as the introductory song was mysterious, morbid and brightless enough to set the mood.

Unfortunately, it was getting too windy and the warmth of the sun wasn’t making it worth being outside, so I went back indoors and found a place near a window where I could still have some sun to warm me up, without the freezing wind. But the place was a little dark and the room was empty. There was nobody around. Things were getting amusingly appropriate for the ghost stories, scary tales and mysterious events I was willing to be fed with without logical reasoning.

Outside there was still some wind, and it seemed to be growing stronger. In fact, the sun had weakened and some dark clouds began to roll over the sky. There was something about them that felt twisted, as if their low altitude and the strange motion of their shapes meant something wicked. In due time, a few water drops started appearing on the window, and the room got even darker. All liveliness of the road disappeared, and few people could be sighted walking around with quick steps. A nearby playground felt conveniently abandoned.

It was such a thick experience I kept thinking about it during the rest of the day, and I even wanted to repeat the experience, listening to the same episode again the very next day. Unfortunately, it didn’t work, as it didn’t have this exact combination of elements, and so the atmosphere of the episode itself, albeit still attention-grabbing, wasn’t nearly as impacting…

Mindscape #17

A quiet and rainy weekend came, and I decided to rest my mind by watching a handful of movies in a row. There were no friends around, and I didn’t bother chasing them. I was pretty comfortable with the isolation, and in that very moment I was even glad and tranquilized by the thought I could go with no need of socialization.

This wasn’t the usual rainy afternoon, but rather one of those days when it’s all wet and white, due to a rain mist. It was also cold, and those poor trees exposed to the melancholic setting made me feel some sort of empathy and pity for them. But those who have no option but to be strong, they simply endured.

Down below, along the pavement road darkened because of the rain, cars were all parked, collecting conditioned water drops on their hoods. Apparently no one was willing to leave home, and, from the unfortunate ones passing by, some people were gladly reaching home, and it could be seen by their suddenly slowed stride as they got closer to the building’s gate, as if the last steps of the journey were being counted down with relief.

Here inside it was very comfortable, and because of the whitish world outside, the room had a natural bright illumination. On tv, a French movie everybody has been talking about. A light-hearted story about friendship and prejudice, with witty dialogues and scenes and the amazing French accent I was constantly trying to reproduce.

My mother was around, and the usually lonely and cold apartment with everybody being busy studying in their rooms and keeping the place moderately organized, suddenly felt like true home with the details that mothers keep as their secret. And she decided to prepare a breakfast (and she abandoned the movie, I can’t never understand these habits), the incredible smell of the baking of cake or preparing some steaming coffee. Moments like this can’t happen too often, and they must be remembered for their immense worth.

Mindscape #16

After some rainy days and a disheartening cold that was keeping me frequently in bed, I went to the window and the purple and orange sunset sky and the chilly air got me by surprise, and that first well-known mindscape could only mean one thing. I had just received the best present of the year: the first day of autumn.

I had just avoided one event the same day, but now I wanted to go out at all costs, even if I wasn’t fully recovered yet. All the world was so beautiful. The first golden streetlights were rushing to illuminate a twilight city. The trees seemed higher and eager to reach the sky. The distant outline of mountain and cityscape also seemed to be rejoicing this autumnal air.

As I wandered through the streets to find the house I was looking for, I was in a place that was new to me, at the same time it was all very familiar, like a refreshing expanded identity. When I had then found the street I needed, I saw at that corner one of the most beautiful images I can remember.

The sky, still starless, was something between a deep blue and violet, and a little shining, white crescent moon from far up above was watching everything. Down below the hills there was the sea and twinkling lights from the shore on the other side. As a Saturday night it was, some of these buildings must have been of bars opening for the night.

At the foot of the hill, closer to me, below the street there was the main avenue and the house of the governor, with lots of fine trees, including cypresses and pine trees (just my two favorite) and a beautiful lawn. Following the avenue, a large sidewalk and a formal and short stone wall with timid art nouveau decorations.

In the street I was in there were more pine trees pointing to the infinite sky. And one of the finest elements of this scenario was, at the corner of the street, this very strange-looking house also made of stones and an exquisite, almost fantasy-looking architecture.

I don’t know how much time I spent appreciating it, and maybe I could have almost missed the party, but two girls were coming and they looked stray, so I asked if they were going to the same place as me and so I made them company. It was a rather alternative party, in a small and tight place, the kind I usually have dioramas in my head, but, curiously, I don’t remember ever actually been to one that felt just like I had always imagined.

Mindscape #15

There’s a neighborhood around here that has, in my opinion, the best atmosphere in the city. The houses are cute and unique, with very well-kept appearances. All streets and sidewalks are organized and clean and decorated with plants, flowers, gardens and trees with branches all over the street. It seems a place for the few, unfortunately.

But maybe it hasn’t always been this restrict for costly and well-preserved residences. In a cloudy day when I was in a mood for exploration, I found, right around the edge of this neighborhood next to a big shopping mall and nearing a swamp area, just at the end of the street, an old and abandoned house.

It’s a two-story building with simple architecture, which would once have look like a fine residence, with a lot of presence of green from the garden and the wild vegetation directly behind it. But now the windows are broken and the walls are mossy gray as the paint is long gone. The bushes are all over the yard and coming over the cracked concrete wall.

It looks so eerie and so out of place that it is surprisingly enchanting. All these beautiful houses don’t appeal my eyes and my soul so much as this house. It seems to hold a dusty and mysterious magic in its history. I felt a connection with the nearest bookstore, as it looks like a place from a children book.

I can’t help but remember all these fantasy books like Harry Potter, Narnia, Golden Compass, Artemis Fowl, Unfortunate Events (those early 00’s series). Strangely then, but maybe because I was listening to an English band, I felt a sudden empathy for England and their culture, and I also felt such a great nostalgia and an urge to revisit these worlds of the past.

Mindscape #14

When childhood leaves us, it seems the sun abandons us as well. All these sunny afternoons just don’t exist no more as we spend our days in cubicles and office rooms, sometimes having even no windows to see the world outside. Walking around the streets with the high sun feels almost strange, as this becomes a feeling reserved for weekends.

Fortunately, I had my chance to find a nice resting place during the lunch break. The sun was warm and the tree I was resting under had a very fresh shadow. The bark of the tree and the grass were almost moistened. The wind was pushing through the leaves of the trees and the patches of sunlight on the ground were never still, like a multitude of kids running and playing and pushing and laughing with their infant energy.

In this moment, I could enjoy the distancing from wordly problems. No awkward confrontations, no issues that can’t be resolved, no peer pressure or getting worried about things I feel I can’t do. Right now, I wouldn’t think about absolutely anything that could take this valuable peace from me, and this moment recharges me for some more hours.

Mindscape #13

The day was almost over.  It was cloudy and the rain had already played its role during the day, leaving trees soaked with water dangling dangerously from their leaves (had you shaken the leaves while under them). Streets were all wet and most of the sound was from cars and vehicles passing by and leaving a trail of water around and behind them. 

All I wanted was to be at home, taking a hot shower or drinking something steaming, watching some tv show or resting in my bed, but the bus I was in had still a long way to go. It wasn’t properly dark yet, but there were already lights on inside residences and some smaller stores. The commerce was almost closing and few people were willing to walk around if it didn’t mean going home for the day.

Now we were passing by an isolated part of town, trees and rocky hills surrounding the highway. These pine trees reminded me of the other part of the state that featured a vegetation like that. Somehow it also made me think of Europe, or even more specifically, Netherlands, and there was also something that reminded me of the cloudy nineties. This contact with the nature wouldn’t bring serenity as cars were passing in high speed, the river of white and red lights flowing rapidly.

Suddenly, the highway passed through a high and rocky wall on both sides of the road. The light inside the bus made the interior be reflected on the windows, and I could see everybody’s tired faces, holding on the grips with whatever last energy they still had. Here and there people were chatting, and few were still showing signs of energy, reading a book despite the moments of trembling, braking and acceleration of the bus, or then they featured relaxed faces, eyes closed embarking in some song or thinking about their lives or their problems while staring at the wet world outside. 

But most people on the seats were so tired they were sleeping already, even if in a precarious situation. The day wasn’t actually over, but for most it already was and the rest of the night was just to rest and reload for the next load of work, routinely wearing us down.

Mindscape #12

The moon was shining on the waves, and a little island distant off the shore also was being bathed in the littoral moonlight. It felt like visiting a closed theater and walking around the stage without all props and lights. During the day it would have been filled with people, young men and women enjoying the fruits of life. They had sun, they had sports, drinks and food and flirting, but now, it was silent and desert, and even the crash of waves were shy.

The distant horizon allowed by the moonlight featured a lonely lamp light of some fishing boat. It made me think of this lifestyle so different from mine, these fishermen so daring to face usually dark nights in the wild open sea, must be terrible to have the feeling of being lost in the dark waterworld. I don’t recall ever being so distant off the shore to barely have any touch with civilization (probably reduced to a little line of dotted lights in their point of view) and being surrounded by a scenario that isn’t even fit for humans to live in. But today this moon must be looking beautiful in their eyes too. Moments of clarity like this don’t come too often.

I saw this particular wave reaching further into the sand. Is the tide growing high? I looked up to the moon. Is she doing it, in front of my eyes? Suddenly, when I looked down below again, I felt I had the realization that I perceive the distance of the sea and the surface of the planet (maybe even see a slight curvature?) and this beautiful white ball being an enormous orbiting satellite, affecting all of our lives.

Of Conundrums (and crest creation)

I am a little worried about the Hangar III ideas, because of the lack of concision and connection among the thoughts there. So I left some bunch of them out of the release, but I’ve been thinking again, and this notion I’m calling conundrum suddenly became important in the context of Hangar I texts.

Conundrums have bore the meaning to me, differently from its actual significance, of certain paradoxical attitudes we have to come up with in order to overcome it. It is quite like those metatraps (as for those who hate haters), except this is the opposite or something like that. For instance, when one gets tired, the solution is always to practice harder, which makes the person more resistant. It’s giving out more energy when we’re already low on it. The conundrum is when the cure is the doing exactly what seems to bring the disease, which causes a lot of doubts and hesitations.

In relation to the idea of crests, I wonder how the new crest can be formed, if it requires an existing crest for a mindscape, the crest generator, to happen in the first place? That is, the creation of crests require crests. Sometimes when I try having my usual soundtracked mindscapes by using some piece of music that brings no emotional response from me, I am usually without the needed mood for the mindscape to happen.

One of the theories I have is that a new crest comes invited in a mindscape hosted by the existing crest. Such is the idea of new genres of music being introduced by a band with a wide public used to one type of music, and the similar can also happen with other kinds of arts, when something more classical is introduced through what is popular and accessible.

It turns out to me that the crest conundrum presented here is that in order to look for the future and to have new crests, one must face the past and be guided with past crests. Though, of course, one can always try something more like a sudden revolution instead of a slow evolution.

Of doppelganger generations and hypnotizing quartzes

There are moments in my life when innovation doesn’t even seem to be a thing. The elaboration of Delta Files has been showing me that when I have new zephyrous experiences, I want to redo them. If it wasn’t for that recording, I wouldn’t be noticing how my time sometimes is spent trying getting myself going back to past experiences.

But this chase of reexperimentation of things I’ve lived so far is not like I’m trapped in the past, but it’s the simple affirmation that I am made of the past, as the only thing I can possibly be. The problem would be if I just spent my life living the past generations again and again, without any innovation, without any kind of refreshment.

The problem is when something we lived through becomes hypnotizing and we can’t think of nothing else besides it. So one finds one music genre that defines them and they spend the rest of their lives listening to that type of music mostly. That is what I find really dangerous.

But the whole point is, at this point I have some very defining characteristics already. Even if I want to try to chase all that is new, there’s not much escape from the main families of crests. It has to do with the age, when there’s not so much novelty to make me feel innovation, but development and strengthening of existing crests and gems.

It seems I’ve reached a moment in my life when I don’t think there’s nothing in the world that feels entirely, completely new to me. That would be far, very far from saying there’s nothing left for me explore and that could give me some of the amazing Zephyrous Windstorms. But even if it’s shallow the crest I have with all the topics in the world can offer, I feel that I’ll already have it related to something.

Of crest-defining gems

I like keeping a certain theme to naming gems, so I can recall them more easily, and also it becomes less of a whole mess of all those seventy gems without any hint to guide myself through them. Because of this there’s the craft gems using the H letter, the things that require perception of space and size are the chrysogems, and there’s also the names of gems that I expect to recall the symbolized elements behind. But there’s one specific theme I didn’t notice was a theme until very recently.

There are some gems that are the colorless ones, depending on, well, lots of things, but I imagine them colorless. These are the Quartz, Diamond and Crystal. And these gems deal with notions that basically define more abstract notions of crests. It’s almost as if they’re some layer to all the other imagetic elements. 

Quartzes tell about the impact of our experiences. The higher was the quartz meter in the experience, the more it will be remembered in the future. Diamonds are about the new experiences, discovery and novelty. In a way, they can be almost confounded with Spy Crests (but you see, diamonds are clean). And Crystals, in its own generic definition, is what the concept of crests simply stand for in the first place, as the things from our experiences that are inside us and define us. The actual definition of Crystal, though, is slightly different, as it’s a special feeling that’s tinted in objects here in there, and it has a particular quintessential emotional response, like lazulites.

Now when I think about it, this isn’t all that define crests. I can’t even remember what other characteristics crests are supposed to have, and that means something, as it feels like I never even gave it too much thought, but I’m sure there are hidden definitions to be found.

Of Causal Association

As I’m trying to adapt to the Tankobon Rule, especially the troublesome Hangar III, I’m finding it relieving to see that several topics can be used by the other two tankobon hangars, like some herderite ideas for the String Story, or some hiddenite topics for my Crest Theory, like the R&R combination or then the Causal Series.

So far the Causal series seem to have the Adherence/Aversion and also the Assumption. Just to prevent a returning quintessence, I’ll first remember these old definitions. The Adherence and Aversion are just the way an experience we have can end with positive or negative impressions, so we’ll later feel attached or then abhorred by it. Either way they are crests. The assumption comes as some form of conclusioning or expectancy for certain events to keep happening, like trances in certain situations like every bus commute (and that’s almost like a sabotaging mindtrap).

The Association here is to be used in a slot around the Adherence/Aversion and the Assumption. The Association is about things that become correlated, such as coexisting elements to certain experiences we’ve had, that aren’t normally used together. It’s in, say, sexual identity, when the experiences we’ve had end up with associations with certain locations, smells, clothes or other things, and those things turn us on. It can be some more exquisite, like the tv playing Spongebob squarepants and everytime you remind of that first night (though probably spongebob’s laughter giving you naughty thoughts is bizarre). See, as sex feels important to our lives and can be traumatic to people if it goes awkward enough or we feel sexually frustrated through rejection, it has to do with most impacting events of quartz.

Another common event related to Causal Association is that I usually see someone making a comment about a song, movie or person or place and then when I have contact with the commented object, I recall the person. Depending on mysterious circumstances, this association that starts existing between them vary enormously, sometimes these two being synonymous, like each one was part of the other’s identity, the two being part of the same quintessential marble.

So, similar to radiation, this is also another effect that seems to explain the confusing compilations of elements in dreams. The unpaired elements end up having combined crests of each mindscape, making then the other crests be available for recalling when one crest is brought back. For instance, when one quintessential marble is reached in our dreams for some reason, the unrelated element now associated with this quintessence is brought up, instead of the expected element. This way, instead of the person coming up in our dreams, something else associated to it is brought up. Now, why does our mind always take the difficult path to express itself?

Of crest radiation and magnitude

Watching the world and seeing and absorbing it in its details is a vital part of this process of understanding this psychological event I call the crests. And the most vital part of this absorption is to pay attention to the emotional responses and how my mind is reacting to it all. I think that’s a skill that grows with time, so maybe for now I’m still very rough in it…

It seems I can feel the crests in small samples of what the gems represent, like feldspar, dunite or the chrysogems. For instance, a light shadow, or a small squirrel, a little rock, house, or a small amount of open air (like a balcony outdoors surrounded by buildings – that being isolated from direct sunlight during most of the day makes it feel slightly wet and cold).  This way, even those apparently crestless details of the world have their gems too.

These low magnitude things require some microtasting skills or something like that. It also has to do with something similar to Balrog’s Bawl, as I could try feeling this low radiation of crests, and intensify the feeling so it will increase and I can imagine a thicker dunite (like shadows of clouds imagined to be a sky-darkening storm), or then seeing this kitten and imagining a tiger.

When I think about it, I find that I might be unraveling more than I expected to, because now I feel I understanding a little better how dreams can work. Apparently, having those radiation valves gone mad (which can happen with the unconscious mind being set free, be it through dreams and imagination, or dementia and trauma), the level of radiation we experienced earlier isn’t registered. Instead of a tiny animal, we can dream of beasts instead of our pets inside our house, or then another kind of monster instead of a fatherly figure…

Of gems and magic

As of lately, the gems I’ve been most obsessed with are those that give me the feeling of mystery, magic and mysticism. Initially I had basically Lazulite, but then other gems were needed for some unresolved subtleties, and even other gems apparently unrelated started having interesting magical connotations.

As I’m playing with dangerous dissidences of quintessences and passing elements from one gem to another one, I think I’ll do some reviewing here. Lazulite remains to me some elements in my life that give me a unique feeling that’s difficult to explain. It’s curious how lazulite is present in several things, from colors, to sounds and also tastes. It’s in some warm food, melt butter, oily sauces, grave cello melodies and also deep and sober tone of colors.

The lullabies and sparkles of fairy magic are going to be with Jade, and the gem gets a more defined essence. This is that harmless and often innocent aspect of magic, but also something mystic, that makes me think of Mists of Avalon series of books and wiccan rituals under the moonlight. There are plenty of girls with tumblrs dealing with this theme, so I think this is also something about the feminine, so sometimes there’s Áine and Amethysts related to it too, as I look to a girl or woman with this jade intention and it’s very intriguing how easily relatable my emotional response from this feminine figure is to this aura of magic and mystery.

Along with Jade, Nephrite also needs some reconsideration. I first related it with hippie-lifestyle, but I think it has more to do with nature than just that, as I can’t help but feel this feeling I’m calling nephrite being related to irish and celtic music too (and so again I’m connected with societies that were more nature-centered and in some cases less patriarchal too) . I think Nephrite can be more about the natural life than all the others because sometimes I feel a feeling that’s at least very similar to nephrite in some suburban houses with wooden furnitures and window frames and a beautiful front garden with trees and plants (the optional presence of gnome and dwarves statues becomes slightly tinted with Jade, though). And the latest gem that came to be in the latest version, there’s Mercury, which is the world of witchcraft and wizardry, the medieval and eerie tone of smoke and stone, pentagrams and runes, herbs and potions.

Regarding some other apparently unrelated gems, there’s olivine, turquoise and silver and thomsonite. First these scents of plants and herbs which give me this mystic feeling if I’m concentrated enough, maybe it reminds me of some old women’s gardens in the city I grew up in, and I was so sure they were witches, living in hidden huts in the woods. Turquoise is connected because of its extraordinarily relaxing sound, but I don’t know much else why, maybe having this aura of new age esotericism to it, as it can be connected to the sparkles of stars. And silver is about the ancient sciences of alchemy and astrology, all these curious symbols and exquisite illustrations, in those thick, dust-riddled books that emanate this feeling like they carry a very mysterious power.

Thinking about it now, it’s no wonder I’m living in a city commonly referred as “the island of magic”, especially because of these nephrite and jade elements. There’s often as part of the culture of the place this aura of esotericism, mysticism and naturalism, especially concentrated in some parts of the town. Some witch tales are also part of the folklore of the city, especially those registered by our notorious folklorist Franklin Cascaes.

Of Gems v6.0

This is getting though, finding the elements that need their own gems. With this new version, I was still trying to work around these new dissidences and smaller elements, so the Q. Rule was still being as essential as ever, as I couldn’t just think of little things at random. The following are the next ones to be approved as gems.

First one, I’ll use Chrysotile, as the perception of human presence, from buildings to big monuments. It will be considered a dissidence of Zircon because not always this has to do with cities, and I think an abandoned city loses its appeal that gives me the emotional response I call Zircon. Chrysotile can be about a little house and also the biggest buildings, from recent skyscrapers to ancient temples. It’s almost like the presence of civilization, being some like having it impressive.

Next, I’ll try Chrysocola, as to vehicles and transportations. Like several of the chrysogems, it’s present in little things and also big ones. Bicycles, cars and airplanes. Mostly cars and buses as the most frequent vehicles we know. It’s about the design of the vehicles and also part of their interior, like the panels and seats, so it’s part of the tourmaline experience. And as something defined so intrinsically by technology as it is, Chrysocola is a gem with close relation with cobalt and basalt.

Another gem I have, and it was a tricky one, is one I’m calling Brazilianite. Being brazilian myself, it’s much present in the world that surrounds me, sometimes in little details (like lazulite and crystals) or in the overall atmosphere. This is a dissidence of Copper, mostly because there are several fractalizations inside the Brazilian culture.

And as the first dissidence of bronze, I’m having Brass, representing the military.
It’s not so much about the war, but the whole education system and hierarchy. Those military facilities are strong on brass, and parts of brazilianite seem to be defined by this too (could this be because from that military dictatorship from the 60’s?)

One other gem that is part of brazilianite culture is something I’m calling Brookite, the black culture. Some of the Brazilian art, culture, folklore and creed have the influence of Brookite, and I wouldn’t think it would have influenced me this much, but there’s also the rap music and graffiti art has made its way into my perception of zircon. Also, some dioramas I feel seem to need this gem (especially if it’s something about Rio).

And similar to onyx and lignite, I’ll have something to describe tv and production. I’ll call it Phosphide. It makes me think of these old productions, from late ‘70s or early ‘80s when those sets were dimly-lit. There’s something about watching tv shows, the television journals and cartoons or animes, the dark room having its illumination changing constantly while a incoherent sound can also be heard (there might be golden streetlights outside, and this might be either a house or an apartment, either a zircon or zeolite feeling to it).

Here is a crest of my past, as it’s only reverberations of past memories, because there’s not much school in my life anymore (I’m not sure yet if this can be applied to college). But I feel it often still, and I call it Chalk. I feel it when I see groups of kids on the bus, or then I recall themes from school, like first crushes, the games during lunch break or then rainy days and learning about colonization period in brazilian history.

Related to school and childhood, there is also the almost forgotten presence of sports. I’ll call it Enargite, for the physical activities like playing soccer or volleyball, or riding my bike, or engaging with other types of activities like mountain hiking. Personally, it  reminds me of adolescence and zircon, howlite (punk rock songs) and onyx (tonyhawk on playstation) as somehow it reminds me of the time when skateboards were, god, such a fever (though I actually never practiced).

As a complement to copal, the solid definition of time like the period of the day or day of the week or month in the year as a surrounding element to our experiences, there is Coral. This is the solid definition of reality, the exact clothes we are wearing, the exact words and thoughts we had (or thought we had or wasn’t sure of), the exact place in the room we’re standing in, the part of the city, state, country, continent we’re now in, things like that.

The next gem is about a smell. More specifically, the smell of perfumes. Finally a gem for it. Neon. This type of smell is largely meaningful due to its social and romantic implications, and it’s very closely related to carnelian and ilite, ruby and amethyst. It deserves a gem only for those scents, pretty much like having Olivine while the smell of plants, flowers and herbs could’ve been the characteristic of peridot.

This other gem is also about smells. Fluorine, in the first instance, the smell of cleansing products and disinfecting liquids, like alcohol, sanitary water, soaps and even toothpaste and shampoo. It can be close to neon, as the aromatic potential of these is very powerful. It’s probably what grants me nice zephyrous moments. And also, the emotional response I have from it is similar from a clean room, a hospital or a store. It’s related (but maybe needing a future gem for them) to these newly bought products like the smell of a new car, or this new product in a closed box, like a game and the smell of the plastic package or a book and the smell of its pages still fresh and virgin.

Being more of a forgotten essence, I decided to craft a gem for books, and it turned out to be a very powerful gem. I’ll call it Thomsonite, the stories and worlds and infinite possibilities of information that eagerly wait to unfold for us. A bookstore has this feeling to it, but it’s in an actual library that this gem is felt in its true potential. I think Thomsonite can be related to Garnet, as I think of personal libraries in a room reserved for the healthy habit of reading. The warm embrace when being surrounded by all these tomes of knowledge is priceless, and one nice remedy for loneliness and emptiness.

Regarding the darkness and shadows, I think I’ll have a gem called Dunite. It can be the early darkening of the sky before a storm or entering a dark room, so it’s not the natural darkness of night. A shadow or the artificial darkness can start becoming Dunite the moment direct illumination grows weaker, so Dunite is only truly vanquished by the almighty and direct heat of the sun rays.

As for darkness and things that are magical, I have Mercury. It’s the witchcraft and eerie aura of magic. Not the sparkling magic of jade, but the creepy part of it. It’s all the clichés, from pumpkins, bats, spider web and cauldrons to ritual and spells, robes, old ladies and crackling laughter and castle walls. It’s the story of Salem witch trials, and also a huge portion of the Harry Potter universe.

And for the last gem in this version, I’ll go with one I gave a lot of thought to it, because I wanted something to explain the terror or extraterrestrial stories, but it had to be something more universal than the space terror. I’ll go with Yttrium, for the unknown and scary, the part of our minds that is afraid of seeing eyes watching us from outside the windows. It’s in the fright of skeletons, pale beings and the rejection against Things That Should Not Be. It’s the uncanny effect of dolls and statues and strange paintings, so this can explain both aliens, murder dolls and freaky clowns.

Finally, another version is over, and fifteen new gems are added to my reliquary, adding up to a total 68 gems. And that’s making me worried, as there’s only thirty left until I reach one hundred, and each time I allow a new level of minor things to become gems, suddenly there is like twenty new kinds of candidates for new gems. I’m really afraid someday I’ll even have a gem for knives and forks.

Of crests for scents and fabrics

The making of gems is supposed to be tricky and delicate, but not extraordinarily complicated. I just start noticing a trend of a feeling, and when I know its origin and I understand it, I give it a name that feels at least remotely fit, and it’s ready. The problem is when there’s no solid presence of the quintessence, which is something much common with scents and fabrics, which are in the mindscapes that show the greatest defiance against gem-making.

As for the crests of scents, it’s scattered around the gems, with some being part of a larger body, or sometimes having a gem only for it, which is the case of olivine so far. But I don’t know much else how to do with other tiny elements. And the same is for fabrics, which is how I’m referring to things like things made of wood, iron, concrete, glass or other things. I’d think about giving some of them specific gems, at least wood and concrete which I had even chosen names for them, but I don’t know if that would work.

Maybe the best solution would be to have a gem to represent these elements, exactly like the Weatherstones. It’s my most viable option, but I’m still considering how I could focus on the scents to have them become one gem, because they are much more diverse than weather, which is all from the air, all from above, whilst scents only have my nostrils as a common meeting place. For instance, the scents of cleaning products and scents of grass are to me almost like different worlds, and it feels like they have to be like different gems. But as tricky as it is, I will take those steps very carefully before this kind of decisions.

Of stretching of quintessences

My creations usually feel like a thick concision of elements in one essence, or something so tumultuous that it needs several minor creations to explain the larger body. The result is a constant process of fractalization, though it’s not something symmetric, but organically unbalanced. 

Putting it this way, in the early days there were only ten gems that felt very thick and broad in their definitions. The dissidences came and now they’re much thinner, sometimes feeling almost dangerous, but also much easier to handle. As for the stringed story, the Fire Ensemble are still intact with zero dissidence and very thick and defined essences; the scourgers are stretching quintessences just like gems.

Similar to it, there’s also the idea of the quintessence needing a surgical dissidence, as for the original essence is showing some protuberance or tumor, something that doesn’t quite belong to the same body no more. And that’s how rough it is to make those dissidences, because it needs to be done carefully so there will be no parts from one in the other.

This presence of protuberances is how I feel with some gems (and also Zhu Rong), though I’m worried about the thoughtless decision of removing every sign of one of those tumors. Every now and then the dissidence is necessary as the thickness of the quintessence is too high and the separation happens almost by itself, but I end up losing control of the growth of new thoughts and ideas and perceptions.

Of Spy Crests (eliminated)

The fiery sense of liberation I had from March is still being felt. Apparently, somehow I finally learned to appreciate things from my life. I learned to enjoy my memories, my place, my family, my friends, my city, without feeling I had to have a new life. Suddenly it’s beautiful to see my current accomplishments being part of this very life I had absolutely no pride for.

All the poignancy those crests used to have, suddenly they’re harmless, as that long part of the avoidance of scourging memories and development of the anti-scourger strategy to erase the poignancy isn’t needed no more. The power they have, the thrilling novelty is still influential over me, even if it’s also not very powerful.

Maybe the most dangerous consequence of this new generation of mine as I am learning to accept myself and to know what I want and where I belong, is that having assured my safety, I might also be starting the process of aging and losing my flexibility to try new things, so I will try to be careful against this mindtrap.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Checkpoint #25

April was a happy month. It’s been quite a while since I last felt so good about myself for so long. Something I did in March was so amazing that the scourgers were almost instantaneously defeated. I guess I just finally learned not to care. And it was such a nuclear surgery that I feel I was definitely healed from most mental conditions troubling me these past months. Ilium scores!

It would have been glorious if it wasn’t for two things. At least scourgers were sent astray, but Hrungnir became particularly scary and the constant colics and abdominal pain prevented me from making a good use of my time (and not being able to do some things, like finishing my texts in here, indicates an invasion of Ilium and failing of the flames). And Helminth seemed to have his part on it as I had to be careful with my emotions, so Vesta had to go alone in the duty of trying to defeat and encage the beast, but he was always returning. How could this fucker be brought down? At least now I’m finally learning of its true weak points and so I’m almost vanquishing him too. And Vesta is learning a lot from that, and she was forced to develop her skills with the spells, I hope Hephaestus can benefit from that.

The second thing, again I’m noticing a pattern similar to February. As more comfortable I feel about myself, the more I’m prone to not do my job here. And so there are so few texts again, and I feel really incapable of writing great amount of texts or even feeling willing to do so.

Although I’m to be blamed, not talking about a lot of the recent thoughts was fortunate to fit this new concern, namely Hermetic Rule, which is going to be the characteristic aspect of my thoughts this month. I lost several ideas because of this concern with figuring out these joints, but once I find the right foundations, it’ll be worth it.

Though in the last minute the magic happened and I managed to make one of the best Needlework efforts I feel I’ve ever done (also because of the small amount of texts), I am feeling this is standing in my way. I have to take care of my health and I have other projects and classes to attend to as I focus on my Vitruvian Rule, so this is being pretty much a heavy obligation beeping in my head constantly. This isn’t being as fun and enthralling as it used be, but as I don’t want to give up nor get sick of it, I will keep it low, very low.