Friday, August 31, 2012

Of starry nights (when deeds are done)

I spend so much time procrastinating and leaving all of my projects to be finalized in the last minute that I very rarely have the time to appreciate what it means to have free time after the work is done.

I usually have one or two days of relief at the beginning of each month before I start getting worried about the new mission ahead. And during most of the month there’s rarely this feeling of lightness inside me. Whenever I look at something pleasant like a beautiful landscape for me to taste, I feel the guilt that I should be doing my deeds first. It’s not exactly guilt until it’s really late, but rather that feeling similar to the thought that you shouldn’t be looking lustfully at other girls when you’re engaged already.

The immense feeling of joy when I have finally conquered my challenges can be felt longer if I’m more dedicated to have everything done earlier. But it’s usually only felt only after everything is already published. Although I have to persuade myself to have things done earlier in the month, I have to rationalize the fact that relief might be proportional to the risk and danger I feel. Having it done so sooner than the deadline wouldn’t have the same feeling.

Still, my usage of time would be optimized if I have everything done in time. The burdenlessness might not make me feel happy, but it can let makes me enjoy other tasks without guilt. I miss having time to look at the starry sky for hours into the night without having worries. I want the chance to feel  the silent wind teasing the trees before the thrill of the next match.

Of the (four) ways of life

I feel the stains of vices now when I am talking about something that ranges outside this focus on introspective research and skill development. But I always kept an eye for the surroundings and for the ways of life. All the way life grows, reproduce and then die, and all those cycles and also the feeble viruses that we are.

So I ended up thinking of these components that keep making life simply strive. Strange to think I’ve thought of it all by myself. Seems the result can be entertaining, and at least can be the food for thought, despite being only mere fantasies of my mind
The first idea I had was about waterways, and then I tried to see if I could do it with the remaining elements, and it’s interesting how I’m talking about life through four lifeless elements. It’s impossible to really keep them four concepts really apart, as they grow deep bounds among them.

Waterways:  it’s the polishing factor. It’s the force that makes the bodies grow to become agile. It’s what makes things look for the shortest path. It’s the natural selection of saving effort. It makes sense, as the life being that can do more things with less energy is going to survive longer in harsh times. One can see the idea of waterways when there’s an ill-planned sidewalk that had no practical route. People will tread the one that is more suitable for their water-like needs.

Sandways: It’s the search for refuge and safe paths for development. It’s the idea of life trying out every path, like grains of sand sticking to all corners they can slip in. It’s about trial and error, but lingering around shapes that offer safety. And life can survive in several ways. The elephants, monkeys and beetles are just the same grains of life that have found their own ways through evolution.

Lavaways: it’s the survival instinct to stay alive. It’s the sacrifices we can make in order to maintain the life and our lineage. It sounds so obvious, but I find it intriguing how life can act so desperate in order to remain alive. What’s so important about it?

Windways: It’s about reproduction and dominance. Life strives for taking over it’s almost virulent. If the ambient has the right conditions, life dominates the ambient. It might sound beautiful when we think of colorful gardens, but there’s something scary about it too.

WA are connected to SA as the development through mutation. WA to LA as polished bodies that can defend and attack with more effectiveness. WA to WI as life can resist the world and still proliferate. SA to LA as life seeks to find safety. SA to WI as trying to dominate by trying every possible path. LA to WI as the perseverance to keep going.

As human beings being so dominant over the world, are we the successful grains? Life tried with us the vertice of sentiency, and it proved to be one breached nuclear shell. However, it’s not like life can be so smart, it’s just shooting around randomly. It’s just one brainless force in the universe being so desperate and relentless in its quest, and there’s no sign it has really made us the epitome of its ways to dominance. Sentiency might have been a flawed vertice, and being made greedier than wise might cause our own extinction. Maybe life had it right with trees and plants, or just those simple microbes.

Mindscape #10

There was a golden moon hovering above the lake. Little boats were anchored right below it, their masts dancing. The wind was blowing and there was a palm tree tasting cheerfully the early spring night. There was a short bridge connecting the land masses where the modernity of cars was striking the contrast against the humble fishermen being busy with their duties right below.

My grandfather was recovering from a surgery and I was going to visit him. My father started having the first signs of heart attacks for he never stops drinking and smoking (and not even this keeps him from it). Here you start feeling the weight of time. This seems to be this moment in life when your generation starts taking the reins of the world.

It wasn’t a mindscape like the usual ones I have. It was a really impacting one, because of all these quartzes, and it represented one moment of transition in my personal life.
There was this beautiful violin song that felt like an ending theme while I was thinking about people surrounding me. Some important decisions were being made in my romantic life and some other things to think about my job. All these vertices around me made it the whole experience to be one of the most intense I’ve ever felt.

Of division methods

As I keep trying to keep my groups of ideas whole by having quintessential marbles that are encompassing all the possibilities, I’ve been wondering on the right division method. The five-member ensemble seems complete, but why is that there are four elements, a quartet?

It makes me think of the reason why there are no concise divisions. Sometimes the trinity seems to be the complete division, while other times its just the simple duality, while there are moments when it’s complete in octagonal formations.

There might be a logic behind each of these systems that makes the whole and complete division always vary this much. Still, it brings me the doubt of recognizing those systems, which seems to be the harder part of the equation. It’s very complicated to know which kind of division is the right one, and then how many modules I would need. Should I split in two or four or six composing vertices?

Of Subtle Shapes

When I started my sketchbook in April I’ve noticed a leap in my drawing skills, but recently it’s been stagnating. I feel that there are certain essences I can’t capture. Even when I’m getting the shapes closer to the original, it’s still never the same thing.

I think it requires a level of perception and mastery of my skills for the lines to fit in the subtlety that changes the whole identity of the image. These shapes so subtle are in the most beautiful things, and are much harder to achieve. They are in female curves, all the womanly beauty in their faces, lips and eyes. It’s in hairlines that require only one different shade of pressure or different angle for the whole thing to change. The vertices that show their nuclear identity are well-hidden.

I’ve been obsessed with making perfect straight lines with no rules or any other equipment besides the pencils scrabbling the paper. It’s the striving for perfection that makes me stop drawing things and just doing lines and lines. I wished to see how close I could get one from the other without them touching, or seeing how lengthy over the paper it could be before the faltering, and then trying making them several and parallel. Someday I have it the way I want to do it, but it’s the realization that the real challenge is in curvy lines. It’s much harder, and that my skills are more challenged.

Of Q. Glossary

As complex as the concept of the quintessences can grow, I find there are certain elements about them that become frequent and used constantly. The following terms are some components that I’m dealing with in a daily basis. Their names is not how I’m usually referring to them in my mind, and I’m mostly creating several names now.

It’s a certain level of perception of them that changes as I pay more attention to them. So although I can feel them happening with frequency, they become more important after I make this kind of dissection.

Loaded quintessence: means when there’s something to be felt about something. It’s the song that still captivates me and makes me able to feel it.

Drained quintessence: means the lack of emotional response towards something. When I listen to a song too much, it becomes dull.

Stained quintessence: means the feeling that is poisoned with memories of something else. I wish to feel them for what they are, but they have crusts over them.

Released quintessence: means the tasting of the emotion. It can’t be overused, as the draining of the quintessence is the toll. I tell myself cautionary tales about dead quintessences so I will leave them addictive quintessences in peace.

Restrained quintessence: means the avoidance of the feeling, just so it can be reloaded. Sometimes it takes months for a song to feel reloaded, and few listens to be drained again, so it’s one of the issues I’ve been going through. It feels like they’re being more dead than alive already, though extremely dead quintessences are just old legends!

Ignited quintessence: means the action that stir up the emotions inside me. It doesn’t happen when the quintessence is drained. I’m finding it necessary for trances to happen, because of vortexes and the gusto effect. Intensity is also one of the keys for ignition.

Driven quintessence: means the ignited quintessence that can be manipulated. It can be the exploration of neighbor quintessences, and, through spells, for instance, I can bring Trygve from Ushag, or Noekk from Frosq and then drive it to Áine or Hephaestus. However, this description makes it too extraordinary, as I hardly can do that. Yet.

Returning quintessence: means when the force behind the idea comes back to me. It is an issue because I can’t perceive it has been with me before. Maybe one of the reasons for that would be me being too focused on the worded idea that when the force returns it is first perceived as something new.

Neighboring quintessence: mean the proximity of feelings that makes them hard to be distinguished. Even apparently opposite emotions like hate and love can neighbor through this intense reaction we have towards something (and it explains the enantiodromical shifts in our mind). 

Marble quintessence: means the main characteristic of the quintessence that is to have several elements gathered in one emotion. As the concept evolved, tasks had to be assigned to submotifs. It’s known that there are no rules for what elements can gather into a marble, even apparently opposite emotions (and unrelated experiences, which explains mysterious and non-sensical happenings in my dreams).

Gathered quintessence: means the elements being brought together to this condensed marble that is the quintessence. It doesn’t need only materialization to be disassembled, as being exposed to mental tasting makes elements surface by themselves. Some memories seem to be retrieved this way.

Materialized quintessence: means the personal emotion or idea turned real, be it words, images or sounds, so others can see and feel it too. It is one of the ways to invert the process of Q. Gathering, though it will gather back in the next mind exposed to it (it is the natural state in our mind).

Translated quintessence: means the rematerialization of the image into words, or sounds into images. A detailed and intense study of semiotics and its modalities is needed.

Converted quintessence: means the absorption of new emotions and ideas from the experiences we have, through which they gather into marbles. They come together with other experiences that made the mind absorb similar emotions. Getting in touch with different systems enrich our analogous knowledge.

Transferred quintessence: means the process of having a quintessence passed on to another soul. It is more about emotions, feelings and sensations than the Q. Conversion. It can also be known as art.

Of Q. Sparkles

One of the most annoying mistakes I’ve made in here was when I tried getting those sparkle posts last year around July. Luckily I was quick to realize the mistake and stopped it in time (though numbered mindscapes are still around). However, the main concept regarding Sparkles has too much potential to be forgotten. For this reason, I decide to retrieve it with my delta squad.

Sparkles are the fleeting and momentary ideas. They are this feeling that a whole world just came in, and I explore its possibilities. They come in form of stories, images or even ideas, but the problem is that they last short. The feeling that these sparkles are just silly daydreaming is frequent, but I think the problem is because the excitement is also gone as it withers away. Sparkles are like seeds, though usually seeds can grow into motifs, but these sparkles of inspiration are more like wasted cosmic chances.

It can be brought to my current thoughts as belonging to the quintessential thoughts. It can be the way one sparkle of idea that comes to my mind and I see it all instantaneously. I should try finding a way to keep it in my head enough for it to be materialized, or at least one brief, even awkward, description.

If I manage to have the source of the sparkle intact and I can go back to it and keep studying and planning of ways to materialize them, probably I’d be more productive. All I need to do is to set the reverse for the gathered mass of elements and stretch them into a sequency that can gather together in another mind, making then the transference complete.


Lately I’ve been thinking of the ways my mind reproduces music. Sometimes it’s a reverberation from listening to the song one hour ago. Sometimes it’s in my regurgitating time, and there’s a style of music playing in my head that’s only similar to the songs I’ve been listening.

Basically, this is something that is much more productive for me in music-making terms than the Musical Quintessences. I’ve been downgrading it lately, as I feel it has been too mystified as the magical song that my heart sings. I’ve been too eager towards it as it would feel like my most wonderful ability. People would admire me for it.

No, I don’t think there’s nothing too special about it. It seems so rare and sudden that my study is based mostly on the lasting impression. But now, thinking of it, it would probably be no more than some special kind of regurgitation. It seems probably the way melodies from several generations past can gather into a marble quintessence and somehow the emotion I feel gets in touch with that marble.

Apparently my soul recognizes the emotional response I had to the song as something similar to the feeling I’m having. The experiences share similar crests and, in a similar fashion to how unexpected crests surface in dreams, my mind brings up the association. And then this echoing wail makes the quintessence be slightly disassembled and makes me feel the hint of music from this amalgam of songs that once gathered in the marble.

The quintessential song, now thought like a regurgitated song, now can, interestingly, help me understand the regurgitation itself. As emotions are so much easier to be perceived, they are easier to understand than those unconscious manifestation and complex associations my minds makes about mundane things. Now I know there’s a logic behind the random event that is dreaming and regurgitation, and it triggers my hunger to understand it. But I must be careful about it. This is indeed one tremendous ambition.

Of my height-loving heart

It calls to me the want of going to a high place. The idea of having a panoramic view opened before me is terribly captivating to my soul. When investigating my mind around this crest, it seems to contain some sunset chrysoberyls and peaceful zircons.

Usually when I’m looking at my surroundings, I find myself deciding that the higher place is where I belong. There’s always a bookcase, a mountain or a tower that calls my attention. Even when I’m on the apartment window or the top of some tower the vortexes are things that stand up from the ground level, like tall cypresses and lonely buildings.

Maybe there’s a reason behind this taste. Perhaps the reason I feel comfortable is because of the strategic advantage to it that seem to make my mind feel sort of activated. It’s a similar feeling to being the one holding a map opened on his table. I’ve never made that connection before, the way my taste for heights could be similar to my taste for maps. Now that’s something that future trances could be exploring more.

Of pressurized atmospheres

Windows showing the world indoors has always captivated me, since when I was a child. Maybe it was this hint of unreached depths. Or maybe it was the passer-by being scorched by the cold and the dark and finding home in the lights on, the smoke rising, the laughs or reprimands, the smell of food.

It’s a very intriguing feeling, the way the entrance into this ambient made of concrete or wooden walls surrounding you changes your feelings. You’re in the wild, surrounded by merciless rain, and soon you’re in this quiet and dry place protecting you in a motherly way.

But some places make me unsettled, even uncomfortable, when I step in. It could be dolorous crests from being in places that remind you that you don’t belong. I feel it in these places, like restaurants and shopping malls, beaches and parties. Suddenly, it reminds me of those events that arouse a certain aversion in me.

There is a certain hostility in there that seem to scream against my essence, and all the protection I feel is gone. It can be so feeble, this feeling of lasting strength. Those places can so unexpectedly remind me of my insignificance that my dear feeling of self-satisfaction is sent to oblivion once again.

Mindscape #9

Sunny Sunday mornings have an interesting serenity in them that can only be felt in this specific scenario. It’s a world made of nice people and pleasant memories. There’s peace an there’s a nice cold feeling indoors while the warm sun heats my skin.

The dogs come crossing the lawn towards me in a sluggish gait. They sit beside me expecting to be petted on their furry necks. They rise their heads while keeping the eyes closed, enjoying being caressed.

It’s the day when I don’t have to worry about waking early or making my own food. It’s when I go to my parents’ in the weekends and I find them missing me, all with smiles and asking about my life. It’s curious how life can change. It didn’t use to be merry like this when I was living with them.

Of microtasting

My appreciation of life is, most of the time, a very quiet one. This whole world going on inside me is almost always unperceived to others. In fact, sometimes when I’m having one of these burning trances people usually think I’m asleep. Even when I am trying these internal chest motions that unleash Trygve against the scourgers, sometimes one comes close and shakes my shoulder, telling me to wake up (and it’s a shock to be back in the world again this way).

I might not be the most intense people out there and I might not get enrolled in great events, but I can say I taste all the little things I live with passion. And sometimes I think, maybe in a mindtrap-filled way, that this microtasting is much harder than tasting of all these events incrusted with quartzes.

The sensibility that is needed for tasting all these little details, especially in introspective incursions, makes me see and feel much more things that others usually aren’t ever aware of, so maybe there is a merit to being this quiet and introspective. Plus when a major event kicks in, I am going to feel it with much more intensity, as it’s told by the slingshot effect with release and restraint. 

Of story mode

The logistics of my feelings are different than the logistics of the world. It makes it terribly complicated to try telling a story based on my feelings. The crests of analogy make me see shapes and details in my emotions, but that’s currently as far as I can go.

I am very frightened to do anything that could be just silly and improbable, though there’s no avoiding that. Yet, I wish to tell of a tale that isn’t this ethereal, but solid in terrain. But the different logics that can’t be analogized keep bothering me endlessly. For instance, military reinforcement can’t happen at sudden in the real world, while in my mind a complete twist can turn the table unexpectedly in seconds. Unit forces don’t exactly dwindle in my mental battles, for instance.

Also, how would geography play its role in this story? As far as now, headquarters are existing in a certain ethereal location. I so wish I could have palaces, castles, country roads and everything, but making a simple map and put the pieces on it would be against the Quintessential Rule. The battlegrounds could be the skills I’m trying to conquer. Illustration, thoughts, texts and music could be the main regions the flames battle against the scourgers. The perseverance could allow me to get the Fiery Flags on them, and the Scourgers wouldn’t be more of a menace. It sounds interesting, but I must think more on it before going any further.

The neighboring quintessences would represent the places in which I could relate the characters, such as Ushag’s relationship with Trygve, or the bond between Csillag and Vesta. Noekk can also be related to Sfayi, Áine and Vesta, and I wonder if I am doing it right to put Noekk and Sfayi in a position outside the war between these two potencies.

Maybe Csillag could be a dragonbeast that sniffs my pride and roars the earth tracking the source to eliminate it. And I also have my issues in defining the image of Ushag and Qareen. The image I have of Qareen is basically of handsome men, some image made of finnish singers with long hair, the face lines that resemble of Jeff Buckley’s, James Franco’s and James Dean’s characteristics. But this way Ushag would represent my own image, the way I hate my skin and my body type, sometimes my own gender. It’s a very interesting problematization, to think of how Ushag could represent this without him feeling insecure himself. I make his figure to be slouchy and disproportionate, though the excessive ugliness is already bordering Trygve’s essence. And then, is Trygve a redeemed Scourger? Could he be Ushag’s son?

There are hundreds of subtleties to resolve before I can fluently tell a story through these emotions of mine. But I am patient and I don’t want to bring harmful cracks to this, so I will keep doing it little by little. As of today, having it half done and half imagined is bringing me a nice opportunity to learn of the mistakes of the past and possibilities of the future.

Also, until there, even though Campbell and Jung have studied it already (and I haven’t read them in depth), I like the idea that I am experiencing first-hand the creation of a mythology, which makes the understanding of real world ones so much more interesting.

Of Noekk, the lonely witch

There blackouts that make all trances impossible. It’s not a worrisome feeling, but it’s a terrible thing if it happens for too long. It’s this certain feeling of apathy, but curiously not always a scourging one. Noekk is how I am calling the character to represent this dangerous feeling I must be more careful about.

She makes all quintessences out of reach. I long for feeling some of the intense feelings, but none is around, not even Scourgers. It makes Noekk be distinguished from those others because of that, because she doesn’t bring me poignancy and harmful feelings.

But she is loosely related to the Ice Brothers that are Frosq and Iis. She makes meaning and feeling distant, but she doesn’t bring this coldness to my soul. In fact, she even brings me some peace, and I think that she could be related to Áine and Vesta (and now I wonder on the coincidence they’re all female characters). However, as it comes to those feelings that can be used by both the Flames and the Scourgers, I have to keep the good side of peace for Áine and Vesta.

Noekk feels to me like a character that lives in the woods, in a moss-covered hut. She might be isolated from the other Scourgers as she doesn’t have their scarring powers. Still, she can make her enchantments and bring me to a deceiving feeling of peace. But I think that her relation with Áine and Vesta might be in secret treaties they make.

Of Sfayi, the Death Queen

Sfayi is a middle-eastern looking woman, and she has very sensuous eyes. She comes from the Dark Amethysts, from terrible romantic disasters. This is the shape I can give her based, of course, on the latest disaster, though her shape could change in the future.

She lives in her sumptuous sea palace. She’s married, obviously, with Qareen. Now, she makes me more under the pressure to find a shape for Ushag. After all, he’s is the scorching feeling that strikes me to find beautiful and happy couples around while I keep myself feeling alone and empty. Ushag is me when Qareen leads the smiling Sfayi to their nuptial room.

I don’t know how to make her relation with the Fire Ensemble or other characters other than Qareen as her role as a Scourger. I don’t know if I can really make her evil. It’s not like women creating this archetype are evil (the same way those men related to Qareen are not too). It’s just the mere presence that disturbs me, or something about the indifference and how I don’t belong to their world (this couple represents my Outsider Complex). It’s complicated to make that work in a story, so there’s a lot to think about it, because I don’t know how Ushag as a character can be around her, as it’s a feeling I have when I have those pieces of gracefulness around. Ushag would then feel menaced by her too, but it makes no sense in this story. God, he is showing such annoying cracks.

She’s the scourging temptation. Not the temptation by itself, as I have no vote of chastity and I love the feeling of lust, but in here the temptation of something you can’t reach becomes an annoying distraction. Vesta’s words of wisdom can bring me to safety, but that’s only when Trygve has drained the power of Scourgers.

Sfayi is the temptress, but she isn’t every woman. No, she is made from these little cute and intelligent girls I’ve known. They’re fascinating little creatures made of wonderful ideas and a gracious delicacy. They’re so amusing, they have beautiful smiles and can carry delightfully long conversations. Still this kind of girls I feel so attracted to and that I feel are perfect for me are but always making me feel frustrated.  They never have romantic interest in me, or are engaged and always so in love with their current partners.

Honestly don’t know why I can’t have them, as I can’t be that ugly or retarded, but I rarely have had chances with girls like these. I mostly have chances with those other girls who are beautiful and everything… but lacking that true charm of intellectuality and elegance. It’s a sensuality that usually isn’t even in her bodies, but mostly by seeing this spark of curiosity and their lively eyes while these fragile little things mind their own business, reading their books and listening to their music.

Her monicker as Death Queen is for the feeling that no matter what actions I try, I’m always brought down by failure. No matter how much I try, they’re never impressed, so I’m always taking these punches that make me try to be born as someone anew. It is definitely one of my main motivations around here, if that hasn’t ever been clear enough, but I can’t really make everything I am doing just to impress them. There are moments when I think my art and my science is the only thing deserving of my true dedication.

Of Half-journey Joy

Adventures rarely feel enjoyable during the heat of the moment. It’s only when it’s all gone that we have positive memories about it all. It’s only when it’s all gone that we can laugh about those moments that we felt like being on the brink of ending. Still, there are some rare moments along the journey, especially a long one, when we enjoy the whole situation as it currently is.

This is something that I can currently feel in my life. There’s so much to be done, but there have been enough adventures for me not to be completely frightened by the surrounding problems. I’ve been through a lot, and I know when minor menaces aren’t going to bring me down.

This happens with my characters and their stories. There are so many possibilities for them I like to spend time thinking of their tomorrows. I like how there’s so much road ahead, and, now when I think about it, I really like this tone of inconclusiveness to it all. It might even be tastier for me to keep them like this for as much as I can.

I’ve known this feeling before, and it’s strange where it comes from. It’s from when I used to play a game all the way until I got stuck, and every return was frustrating as I had to start dealing with problems my previous self had failed to solve. But when I started to stop playing only around the moments when I got stuck, the experience felt more rewarding. It’s the joyful feeling of enjoying a nice road ahead without being stuck.

This feeling might be important to prevent me from getting to a new month without the feeling I have to start anew. If I let some ideas unresolved and unpublished they will make my mind feel like there are still quintessences to be ignited and driven around for trances and new ideas.

Of Motifs and Equations

Though I’ve last highlighted equations several months ago, it’s been frequent in my thoughts. And as close as they are to newly mined motif, I suspect of their similarity. They are definitely neighboring, and I still am suspicious that they are in fact the same thing. After all, when I think of some motifs, an equation is basically what they are like too.

I don’t know when or how I first came to choose motifs as the name for these named ideas, but it worked anyway. Motifs are all these named ideas. The idea would become a motif the moment I capitalize the first letter. There’s a lot of meaning in something I can do so easily that capitalization becomes something I must be very, very careful about. And often I am not.

Equations are the undercurrent forces behind the world. It isn’t so departed from the physics, as the gravity is indeed a force behind the events we see. As one perceives more equations, they become wiser. It’s the behavioral knowledge that makes me foresee events in a system because of the study of system.

The relation between motifs and equations, and the thing that makes Equations survive the RQ Trial, is the notion that motifs are to be the analogizing of equations among the systems. Popular sayings can be an equation using some surface mask or something, though not necessarily a motif. As of now, I am considering a motif when the equation has been analogized in at least two systems.

I have the idea I was able to think of something like motifs, equations and the whole analogous correlations is because I’ve always been paying attention on how manipulation of words, images and sounds would show similarities. It would be a stream of charging realizations that would just make the seeds grow into these complex trees.

Of analogous motifs

Recently, and mostly unintentionally, I’ve come across one of the secrets for motif-making. It’s not like I’ve stumbled upon a mysterious new piece, but a subject that has grabbed my attention a while ago. It has returned to my mind, and suddenly a lot of things suddenly made sense.

It’s almost silly to realize this just around now, as clear it is that motifs are made of analogies. Or, more precisely, motifs are ideas that fit in several analogous systems. Motifs are very common in analogies between drawing and writing, though it can also be made from observed behaviors. That would explain why I can have more frequent trances when driving.

By realizing one of the keys for motif-making, at least the worldly ones, now it seems something much more controllable, even manual. I wonder if it could lose its magic since I would be doing it more manually, but I don’t think these amazing new motifs coming through epiphanies would stop existing. I just would be able to chart the world with more control, as I could ungap areas the trances leave behind. And even if I can’t control those motifs, then this characteristic they have can be used for analysis, and study of the quintessence for wording them.

Thanks to this analogous nature, I can talk about these several systems while not specifying the one I am actually meaning. This ambiguity seems to show some interesting uses to experiment in my writings…

Of my mind (the entity of its own)

I remember a long time ago, years ago, when I was telling a friend about something my mind was doing, and she came with something like “it’s not your mind, it’s you”, like I was trying to get the blame of something to something else. Now, it’s not like I took that seriously, but since then I’ve always been perceiving this tendency I have to talk about things my mind does (and mostly how viced I am).

But the fact can’t be denied that the mind does things in its own way. The way experiences are stamped or how my mind reacts to situations like release and restraint make me see it as the entity of its own. Maybe it’s just the natural absorption it is programmed to do through instinct, but who’s ever said life really knows of what it’s doing?

My mind has to be understood separately from my own self, as there are several unconscious and involuntary reactions that take a certain preparation for my actual awareness to perceive. In the end my conscious and unconscious is one thing only, and it’s all my mind examining itself, that’s one very curious thing for me to pay attention.

Of Causal Assumption

There’s a certain tone of conclusioning in the certain areas of the Causal Adherence that I feel that it is one different idea. The adherence seems to occasionally evolve to a point it comes with enhanced assumptions. Though there are times when it’s complicated to pinpoint when I’m feeling the adherence or the assumption, I’m finding it easier to know them as time goes.

Assumption takes form when I have some amount of success, and it’s not just approved by my mind, but it becomes necessary. It’s when I can get to a new record in staying awake at night, or a few consecutive days I’ve had grand trances, and I feel frustrated when they are over.

The assumed causal aversion comes in form of getting to positive feelings, such as the eruption of Hephaestus inside me, which is declared a dangerous feeling, as the careless trance would once lead me to the claws of the Scourgers. And then, the simple sign of Hephaestus presence would sound the alarms. My call for a fight with my dark fears also seems to be related with this assumption.

According to the causal assumption, the success is required to remain steady. It’s against the logic of spins of success, that usually come to the usual failure until the spins can become as much and then more frequent than the failing. So, seeing how it is also responsible for several bad habits I keep, it can be considered a mindtrap sabotaging me. It has some important qualities to it, but only as long as it has not become an unconscious vice.

Of (failed) Axiom of Hardness

It’s my incapacity to actually follow my reason and stand to my point and not weaken in the process. It might be the vertice missing from the actions shaping my future. It is, definitely, one of my worst flaws, this insecurity.

But this insecurity is also in my exaggerated nobility that prevents me from being too rude when I need it to. But when I’m a little more firm with people, I’m told I’m being rude, so I’m never being firm in the right measure. It’s a line between being hard and being rude that excessive effort only make me fail more at it.

However, it’s not like I’ve never been hard and firm in my decisions and arguments. The axiomatic pleasure comes in the shape of knowing I can win an argument with reason without leaning towards aggressiveness, which would always lead me to regret.

This connection between hardness and reason has caused me to unconsciously assume that hardness is the only attitude necessary for my success. That doesn’t make it neither wrong or right, but I must know the balanced way through which I could use having a little more attitude and being a little less worried about other people.

Of Axiom of Discipline

Maybe it’s from this blog, or from the qualities I was forced to develop to carry on with the demands of my job, but I’m glad I’m growing some treasured discipline. It’s this skill alone that’s helping me develop much more with less effort and also less time.

It’s a skill I’ve become obsessed to develop, and I do it compulsively. Every thing I turn my attention to I try to turn it organized and clean, so as to avoid harmful hazes.  I try to stick to my commitment, even if it is pointless or makes me exhausted – especially if it makes me exhausted. I feel the power of my dedication to all the little things in my life, even things that are so short-lived.

It’s the effort that I can be proud of, as I know there’s some merit to it. It’s an exigency that I’m finding myself failing here and there, but as time goes on it takes less effort from me. 

Of Axiom of Reason

It’s the realization that is to do what is the right thing to do, despite the unpleasant consequents for my soul. It doesn’t matter if it will scar your soul or destroy your so-called dignity and reputation. It’s the realization that you’re being honest to yourself and that forgiveness is the best choice in the long-term.

By following reason I can become more disciplined and be much more productive while using less time. Using reason I can hold myself before rushing with my dangerous overcreative impulses. The cracks that come from underthought ideas can also be avoided as I try being more reasonable.

It’s the pleasure of knowing I can overcome my own flaws. It’s in my efforts that can become extremely methodical and clinical towards the annihilation of my vices. If I make the right questioning and inquiry I can spot and eliminate harmful patterns my mind creates before my own perception of them. 

Of Axiom of Dirt

From my childhood times I have the memories of coming home covered in dirt and mud from neck to toes. Maybe it has created this crest that makes me feel attached when my body is in close contact with the earth. I can reexperience this crest by embarking in the doing tasks without feeling disgusted with the thought of soiling my clothes.

It’s the detachment to comfort and luxury, and getting your hands dirt. It’s about doing something so concerned about having things done as you want that you don’t bother about stains, scars and wounds.

It represents the commitment and dedication I can put into a cause. It is the complete immersion that is required for the accomplishment of the activity. It is the comfort I sacrifice in order to reach my dreams gets me rewards. 

Of Axiom of Scars

Scars symbolize life in our skin. It represents all the wounds we’ve taken and that we are not ashamed to show. There is, after all, the physical pain that is enjoyable to feel. It’s not the unsettling feeling my knees make when I walk, or other health issues. It’s not the wound that bothers my thoughts, or makes me long for healing.

Some pains I feel are just the easily-healable bruises and wounds from adventures. It’s what I once called Scarpride. It’s the joy of feeling life through pain, sometimes also followed by dirtiness and exhaustion.

The axioms are not supposed to make me feel close to Scourgers in any way. In fact, these are not things I do to hurt myself. These scars are just healthy symbols of the life I’m living. It’s the side of the opals that I can taste without feeling insane, deformed and depraved.

Of Axiom of Sacrifice

My feeling of commitment to other people never abandons me. It’s great that it’s how it’s one of the safest ways through which this place can be maintained as it remains one of my greater motivations. For some reason I can’t remember, I can’t stand the thought of seeing people suffering.

If the quintessence of generosity is ignited properly, I feel I can do anything to prevent suffering from happening. The most intense it is, I can do whatever is necessary for that. Though it might seem really altruist, my voice of reason tells me it might also be one way through which I would be admired. I don’t know if that’s the true voice of reason, as it is almost trying to discourage me from doing such a beautiful thing (caught you, Wormtongue).

I’m not talking about the sacrifice of life, as I’ve never had to take the risk. It’s just being able to let yourself take some damage instead of letting others take it. If I don’t do it in that moment, then I’m attacked with guilt with the thought of letting people be damaged without my interference.

Of Axiom of Generosity

One of my most potent Flames is Áine because of the connection I feel towards other people. I can’t be indifferent to the world, and this is the powerful feeling I have towards poverty and abandon. It’s the sudden burst of love that I feel towards donation and other forms of altruism and chivalry.

It’s the honest feeling that makes you realize the responsibility that you have. It makes me feel the actions I can do to shape the world I live in, and how I can improve it by doing good.

As an axiom, I just know it’s the right thing to do, and there’s no regret in doing it, except realizing it isn’t much a world-changing attitude. It can, however bring hope and faith back to our hearts, and it can also inspire others.

This axiom can also be felt not only by my actions, but also seeing it done by others, because of this returning-hope thing. I feel it by seeing people doing noble things, and being gentle to other people.

It’s through this feeling ever so present in my life that I can ignite the quintessence that is Áine. And then I feel I can drive the quintessence around to other flames through the vertices they share.

Of Axiom of Forgiveness

I am not really a forgiving person, and hardly a forgetful one. But it’s not like I enjoy being vindictive or trying to maintain hostility around me. I don’t like being what can keep people down, or to be the one that creates tension among people. I like doing my part for keeping a healthy atmosphere.

If someone comes to me showing the truest repent of their acts, then I’m very easy to forgive them, as it’s what I’m always trying to do myself. My problem with apologies is that they are usually guilt-free and just one’s logical step to be taken.

Having ultimate control over our temper is beyond our skills, and even if one day we have such a skill we don’t need the guilt of not having it from the beginning. So it’s excusable to feel sorry for all we’ve done. Being forgiving towards other can really be my own sign of being naïve. But even if it represents a weakness, I prefer seeing it as cordiality. I might keep pain to me, but it can also be in name of courtesy and diplomacy.

Of Axiom of Repent

The pain that I’ve done harm to others is a pain I don’t like keeping, and I prefer being quick to apologize. It’s hard to run over pride and sense of dignity, and it only seems to work against some people.

Sometimes I’m not forgiven, but I’ve done what I could, and that lightens up my chest. It’s fundamental for me to have no weight in my heart coming from blinding pride. And for that I can feel that I’ve done what I could to change my ways. I can’t change the past but I can show I repent of it and will not do it again.

This axiom isn’t much like the others in the terms of intensity, though there’s one comforting feeling inside me. It’s like a sign that I still have a warm heart inside, and that I can feel the reason that tells me that I was the one who was wrong the whole time. The axiom is in noticing that accepting it isn’t as humiliating as it seems.

Of Axiom of Creation

This is the sudden power that I can use to get my chest rid of some terrible feeling by making something creative out of it. It’s the sudden feeling of joy for capturing a scourging feeling and making a character out of it, or having an idea named.

It’s such a good feeling that it might be the cause of excessive overcreation. It can bring so much relief to my spirit that my mind built the assumption that it can be the way to feel safe.

The problem is that I can only create, for instance, a character for the feeling one time. It only works once. It works very well and makes me excited to play around with the little toy I’ve made. But then when these feelings come back, I can only engrave in it the new details, and I can’t really feel that protected again.

The returning quintessences make me try new attempts in finding new protection amulets. I’ve used the Axiom of Creation to feel myself protected with the Flames, and then there were the Gemstones. Now I’m doing it again with the Axioms. I can get so obsessed with finding peace through creation that I keep accumulating these amulets. I must think of the consequences cracked behaviors like this could bring to me.

Of Axiom of Independence

It’s when I realize I shouldn’t bother with other people giving up of me. I don’t have to bear with the consequences of others’ selfish, egotistic, regretless attitudes. I don’t need their flaws to weigh on my shoulders. I don’t have to be telling people of their wrongs as they keep hurting me. I am no one’s babysitter.

It’s a feeling of lightness when heart-wrenching abandon can be turned into a chance to feel free to do my own things. No one cares about what I am doing, and I don’t need them to. I am the only thing I need, and I’m no less valuable because of that.

This axiom doesn’t work for too long, but there are certain moments when I feel my art and my science and that is all I need to feel comfortable. My passion for them is true and honest, and the most deserving of my concern.

Of Axiom of Merit

There are things that mature with time. And my work here is something that each month is gaining more merit as I survive a new dark wave trying to bring me down and through the slow brickwork I can bring new qualities to it. The important fact is that I am doing something important, even if mostly underdeveloped and flawed.

Once in a while I realize how much I’ve achieved, and secretly I let myself feel a wave of joy to acknowledge my own perseverant creative endeavours despite the exhaustiveness and even foolishness that is the keeping of such enterprise.

Like others axioms, this is one of the feelings that make me feel a comforting burning inside. The burning axioms are one of the surest signs that I am doing something worthwhile, usually because of how against the odds I am when the axiom is triggered.

Still merit is a dangerous area, as it deals with pride. Fortunately Vesta has Áine’s assistance to make me burn with the Axiom of Honesty. I can’t possibly be overproud, there’s no reason for so, as underdeveloped as I am. This is, really, a much more tender response to the issue that an excessive pride can bring.

However, Vesta and Csillag have a different take on it. She must do it before Csillag smells it and run by leaps towards the source to extinguish it all in a brutal way. One would be through peaceful ways, and the other one would be through violence. As the crest of analogy comes to me, it feels to me like the Jedi and Sith way to deal with the situation. 

Of Axiom of Perseverance

There are moments when I find my end is nigh. This is the moment when one of my founding motivations disappears, and I feel everything is going to crumble down. It’s when the moment is fit for giving up, as I’ve come so far with no graspable result. But, like all axioms, they can be triggered in the very moment I need them, and they make me so strong.

I should retire from this project, but, unlike being tired or exhausted, I am just hopeless. When I’m feeling powerless and there’s no beacon of hope, there’s this strange courage that makes me realize the merit of what I’ve done so far, and that I’m too strong for petty things trying to bring me down.

My sounding decision is to stay firm and go on can be exactly what can pumps in more energy. It’s when I can actually feel empowered and confident and I know I am much more than what people believe me to be, so I have to prove my merit. If it’s a brutal punch that forces me to give up, then my insistence is more likely going to endure, as it’s one of my surest foreseen reactions.

The perseverance doesn’t seem to be triggered when I’m affected by apathy and indifference. This kind of blackouts that extinguishes the quintessences is much more dangerous. It mines my enthusiasm from below and I can’t drive the quintessence through the means of enantiodromic spells that can change the despair into passion.

Of Axiom of Honesty

I don’t want to talk about things that could make me look better than I am. As I don’t feel comfortable about it, my doings will feel more real this way, and also I don’t want to deal with the cracks. I don’t want to romanticize my figure, making me look more intense and courageous as I face my fears. No, I am so fragile and so insecure I could be anyone you know. I could be any shy person hidden in the corner and who can’t sustain eye contact.

I’ll do my best to show how unworthy I am of Petty Realizations. But I am also honest enough not to abuse the unfairness of the Idolized Realizations. It’s not even a matter of a logical stance. If am getting too much compliments I start getting uncomfortable with it. It makes me uncomfortable to be brought to the position of power.

All those people who allow fortunate coincidences to make them look superior to others look dreadful to me. I don’t want people see me stronger than I am. How could you let others think for so long you live a fulfilled and intense life when you’re an empty fraud? I can’t let myself to be like them, letting others feel miserable about themselves because of things like this.

I don’t want people to feel empty and unworthy like I have already felt myself. I don’t want these beatings extend to others. Following the logic of tailgaters and shockwavers, there are people who take the punch and pass it on. I don’t want that. I’d absorb all the beatings if I could, but I’ll do my best not to let it go to others.

This might be a sacrifice in selling my figure, and it could sabotage my future, as being unable to let myself be admired and keep myself so ordinary you will never cling to respect me. But I don’t want to show myself as something that I am not. I don’t want to change my ways to make me better, I just want a honest development: I want to feel I’ve really changed who I am, I just want to perform actions that are fair to my spirit inside.

Of Axiomatical Blasts

The power of Axioms is something I’ve been paying attention lately. They are emotions that make me feel life in a special way. They are intense moments when my feelings burn and from the intensity I also feel I am doing something that seems to be at the peak of the worthwhile feelings.

Never surprise if there are returning quintessences from the Fire Ensemble. These are basically components that make the essence of these characters. The Gems also are very related to them, mostly in shaping them. The Axioms are just another way through which I can try igniting these feelings.

If I think well about it, they could be the powers unleashed by the Flames. Or also the combination of them, for those axioms in which the quintessence covers areas in which one or two flames neighbor. Axioms can spell-like blasts like combos that can keep the Scourgers away.

Of RQ Trials

Returning quintessences are very serious issues I am facing. They can bring too much headache for me. Luckily, realizing the existence of a returning quintessence in the early stage of the idea is very important for the treatment against the cracks it can bring. If I can compare them and find they are just neighboring, then there’s not much problem.

Some eventual happenings bring me not much harm, and usually I can come to terms with them. But here and there I find some ideas that insist in returning in disguised ways to fool me. From them, there are two groups of ideas that are involving returning quintessences with much too frequency.

The first one is the group that deals with measuring my efforts. Martial, manual are very, very close in meaning, specially martial reinforcement and sieging. They are sometimes much too close to be considered just neighboring. In fact, I think they form together one chain, and each one being used for different situations. Manual efforts would be doing things despite my instinct. Martial would be bringing emphasis to an activity, and sieging could be the combination of martial and manual exercises, as the decision to force myself to do something until it’s complete.

The other group is what I’ve been referring as amulets. It’s the Flames, the Gems, the Axioms. They are often dealing with much too similar issues. Gems encompass a wide-range of things in my mind, and the Flames and Axioms are very much complicated. Being that Axioms are intense feelings, they could be powers the characters could unleash. 

Of major and minor missions

I’m enrolled with too many things to do already. Not only all the things in my personal life and books to read and movies to watch, people to meet and places to go, even in here I’m surrounded by too many ideas I need to develop.

Since I first thought of missions, I first myself two of them. The Inner Constitution, which the Fire Ensemble turned out to do a great job at, and the Major Crests, which just became the Gemstones. Unfortunately none of them are finished, since I am still building my laws and rules, and the Axioms are filling gaps the Fire Ensemble couldn’t cover with accuracy. The Gemstones are also still under expansion, even if I wish it could stay as it is for a while.

Still, I got myself new major missions, such as the study of words and letters for names that is called Alphabetical Impression. That would be the official mission to take the mission slot after the other ones. But there’s also the Quintessential Materialization which is one of my most important missions.

The problem is that I am still going doing several other minor missions. Some of them are finding gems and axioms for me to equip myself with, or the elaboration of my secret delta files, or the identification of scourgers and saboteers that I must protect myself from. And beside those ideas there’s also all the major and minor skills I’m trying to develop.

There is an level of effort that makes me terribly exhausted at times. They keep deviating my energy and make me lose focus. If I was a little more skilled at management of skills, I would focus my energy in minor groups of missions each time.

Of extra bets

Following templates, I can use one safe characteristic of my work, such as the new ideas I bring. Then I can start developing myself around it. There are other vertices to explore, such as how they are deployed in sequential lines and other rhetorical experiments. As these are extra experimentation, I can feel safer in knowing failing with them won’t have as much negative impact.

This is one warranty that there will always be things to improve in here. There is always a new thing to do and that could make the work feel more elaborate and elegant. There are enough missions in writing I’m trying to develop, and if someday I get them like I want, I’m sure I’ll be still looking for new things to improve.

All in all, the realization of extra bets lets me practice things without having to throw it all to the trash can in this one-shot chance. This is especially useful for networking exercises which is being something I’m having a lot of problems. The quality I desire to achieve through it is never close to how sometimes it would feel possible.

But if I’m getting too frustrated, and even if my texts go awry, it’s a failure that isn’t complete. After all, even the attempt to word the idea is an extra bet itself. Even if I fail to express it in words, I’m just being unable to transfer the idea, because I’ll have it known in my heart already. But as most heart-warming thoughts can be comforting, that shouldn’t be used as an excuse for failing, because it’s through writing that I can realize several unresolved subtleties and unexplored secrets the idea in my mind didn’t make me aware of, so I have to try to make the most complete dissection I could.

Of organizing systematization

So far down the road I’ve completely lost count of how many ideas I’ve had, or even those I’ve named. There are so many out them that if I’m going to write them on pieces of paper and display them on the floor, the random scattered pieces would make it impossible for me to ever memorize them.

But if I try to systematize them in classes and departments, and categorize them in hierarchies and groups, then the whole picture would change entirely. It would be much easier to manage or travel through them with this strict systematization.

The first advantage I can grasp is the benefit of the Layered Method, as I would have them all in these marbles encompassing several of them, and then I’d be slowly finding the smaller details.

However, so far I’ve just been talking about them randomly. If I had been more worried about doing this kind of systematization before, my ideas would behave more harmoniously. Maybe even Leitmotifing could benefit from it.

I have plans for the systematization of my motifs, but it will take a while as I need to read all the posts I’ve ever written here. However, I intend to have it done at least until the end of the year, and somewhere along the way I’ll have the time and courage to do it.

Of Icebergian Problematization

All ideas can be developed from one little seed to a grand motif, and beyond. Each idea can evolve depending on how much effort I pay to them. The more I dissect it, the more it will grow. With care and discipline these ideas can one day be fully developed, but until then I have to face the problems the current underdevelopment brings.

Three or four paragraph long texts aren’t enough to express any idea. It’s not enough to examine all vertices. It’s just one little presentation to the theme. There’s a whole world of consequences and subtleties revolving around it that must be perceived in order to let any idea to feel working.

For a while, my four paragraphs are around the most I can think of in the first attempt. However, the release of these ideas helps me clean my mind for improvements. It can be either through a later realization of something I said wrong, or then letting it come back in the future with the natural expansion that happens when I leave it untouched for a while.

However, the success of my self-taught approach depends on my capacity to keep finding new vertices to dissect and examine. As I find new vertices to polish I can slowly make my ideas more solid as I learn of more complex and subtle vertices. This is the way through which I can make this project really stand firm if I’m going to present it to the world someday.

Of statistical improvement

I have a taste for things that can be improved, for things that show edges to be polished. It’s one of the reason I always enjoyed RPGs. They were always made of statistics that you could find, like the height and speed and things that can be measured, improved.
The range attack of your bow, or the pressure your shield could take; these are statistical vertices that can be improved.

It’s one of the reasons I enjoyed games that showed this curve of development around these statistics. At the beginning of the journey you were slow, weak and clumsy, but designers knew of this idea of vertices and knew how pleasant it felt to have them upgraded. Soon you had boots that increased the jump height, or weapons that had as characteristics these improved statistics, such as wider blasts or greater firepower.

This gamified concept can be brought to all my areas of developing skills. My music playing skills can be made of statistics that I can evaluate and focus my martial efforts to develop it. I can see how loud my strokes are, or how fast I can play. It can also be, for instance, how long I can play before getting tired, so I practice to extend that time.

The vertices depend on my perception of the surroundings. There’s the logistics surrounding the strokes or things related to the drawing itself, but there’s also how patient I can be and for how long I can dedicate myself to making one drawing. Usually it’s in one of these vertices that lies one nuclear flaw. 

Of Vertices Examination

My success seem to depend on how prepared I can be against the odds. Maybe it’s something that obsessive analysis can’t really protect me. But even if this is an ill-planned defense, I just have to understand what is preventing me from being actually equipped for my defense against invading waves and disheartening haze.

I have to try making dissections about everything. I must try looking for all my unconscious patterns and every detail around me that I could find. You never know when you could find secrets hidden in the overlooked corners.

There’s only to gain in examining as many details and vertices of the world as possible. It can be exhausting and make me paranoid, but it can be worth the effort. It might also be examined poorly, but it’s only something to be improved with time as my perception through practice would increase.

Life can be made of million of vertices, and I can’t possibly examine them all even if I write one hundred texts. At least I have the guarantee that I can have texts to write for the rest of my life.

Of sensorial responses and unexplored matter

There are some tastes we have that do not come from our experiences, but rather this kind of sensors that we have towards the world. These can be the opposite of crests, even cultural ones. It’s the certain predisposition to perceive the shapes, sounds and scents around us. Do the colors have these effects on us because of crests installed in our species, or are these sensorial responses something inherent to all life forms, like the aggressiveness and vividness of triangled shapes and reddish surfaces?

The understanding of those sensors can make us explore the ways they affect us. I think of this in the use of music, the way it was used to create those responses in us based on how our sensors react to sounds. Music is something that marvels us, even if it’s not something nature had designed for our minds, at least not entirely the way we have developed today. We have explored this and developed instruments imitating birds and voices, and there are new kinds of music being invented, just like electric guitars have proved to be very enchanting to our ears. Sensors are the way through which we can explore and find the ways to create new marvels.

It’s in our sensors that we can have a taste for city lights or things that life has never offered us before. We never had internet, but it suddenly became something terribly addicting, even though such technology was never needed for survival. It’s also in lingeries and high-heels, which aren’t always a natural extension of the natural female shapes and still feel terribly sensual. It seems to me like those inventions captivate us as they touch one of our sensors or something.

There’s also one idea neighboring the one about sensors which is the unexplored side of matter and there is something more scientific about it. It’s terribly complicated for me to explain it in here as of now, but it’s about how unexplored the world of physics can be. In the world we see things that were made from combinations of elements. However, all things we can sense are not really all that can be done. See, maybe the random events of the universe didn’t make that one combination of particles to trigger the most powerful energy ever to be unleashed and also yet to be found.

It’s one of my most ambitious ideas, and this is just the awkward beginning of the stream that I intend to make about it. Hopefully in the future I’ll be able to express myself about it in more elegant way. I’m not sure if this will last, so I’m being careful about capitalizing the word sensors. I don’t want to build expectancy towards it either.

Of Delta Streams

Everything can be a hint for a future motif. Every great idea can be born from a minor realization from the past. It’s the little seeds that grow to be those amazingly detailed concepts. The notion that there are ideas evolving and developing throughout the generations I’m calling Delta Streams.

There was a time when being unable to express all of the idea in its own post was unacceptable to me. But even if what I could say wasn’t enough for its icebergian complexity, at least now I’m accepting more willingly that I can return for it later.

The main importance of the notion of Delta Streams, though, is that these ideas that are so hard to voice, they can start small, and being defined awkwardly. It’s the idea that it can grow more detailed and I can try writing it more elegantly the next time (I would just have to be careful about these capitalization that make words become names). It’s a beautiful thing, to see some of the seeds sprouting their branches out.

And also comforting as I realize this first poor attempt in describing in ideas could be just the beginning of some fully developed concept ahead. It’s the encouragement for me to try writing about anything, despite how awkward the first attempt is.

Of unexplored delta effects

The Gamma effect in May could be thought as every generation presenting a pool of resources, such as crests, abilities and energy sources. I wonder on the dangers that could be brought from using Gamma for this purpose (mainly if my overcreative side starts looking for uses for all greek letters, but it feels good to try the risk).

The older the generation is, only the strongest crests remain. My profile could help me with remembering which precise songs I used to listen in each monthly generation as far as 2006, but it’s a piece of information that I might feel useless. The search using only my mind as the instrument still remains the most accurate one, clearly. I can recall some crests formed by some mindscapes that happened years ago.

Here I am revealing some secret delta files, but one example is this taste I had for bands like Jethro Tull, Blackmore’s Night and Mostly Autumn back around 2007 as it was a zephyrous discovery. That same year, because was helping me find new music, I started being into prog metal when learning of bands like Pain of Salvation and Ayreon. BE and The Human Equation curiously were brought together me one gamma marble crest thing similar to the folky prog one formed by the three bands. This is an effect that I feel might be very useful for understanding those musical quintessences.

This effect seems to be a characteristic of crests, the way memories fade and become quintessential marbles. However, it could be an effect that only happens with older crests, needing time for the quintessential gathering to happen and things like that.

But the interference I can be here makes me a little worried. Maybe only because I hadn’t been observing and interfering with it as I wasn’t bringing generations back with delta recovery and making generations feeling repeated. 

Of Delta Files

My personal life is not supposed to be revealed in here. It stains the mission I am trying to develop in here. However, as much as I’m studying all that is me I shouldn’t be denying details of my life as I start feeling this weird disassembling effect. Reaching my soul is important for trances, and knowing its components is fundamental. There’s a conflict in there, but the resolve comes by making my true diary a secret.

This is my attempt in storing information about my past and present generations. It’s the songs that I was attracted to, or the movies that captivated me. All people that were having influence in my life during that period of my life. All the dozens of mindscapes happening to me, and that I choose one random experience to display in here. Of course, the mindscapes on this blog are much more descriptive, as I couldn’t possibly write one for every and each one.

Also, the closer it is, the easier it is to retain more knowledge. July has a lot of information, and August is even easier as I’m already paying attention to each song, book and mindscape. I think that other than these little things I don’t need to keep detailed information.

The Files to be stored from now onwards are going to be extremely useful for my analysis of how those memories behave and call back. I think the observer’s interference could prevent original effects to happen, but there’s no other way that I could be studying it.

Of RR slingshot

Creativity through release is one implicit rule I’ve been following. As I put ideas out constantly, I’m leaving them and so new ones can come. Honestly, it has worked very well so far, but I don’t think that means the restraint can’t be used to improve release exercises.

One of the ways through which I think release and restraint can be used for slingshot effects is the retaining for cathartic release. It’s one very simple equation, which is how everything is much more powerful when it’s longer kept away.

This way the release and restraint can be used everywhere. If I eat fancy food all the time it loses its appeal. Restraining myself to daily rations can make the eventual taste of more elaborate gastronomies an experience much more exciting and lasting.

Maybe it’s the wise use of release and restraint, like shifting through the gears for better performance. This kind of alternation usually holds a secret combination that has nuclear syntonizations.

Of exhausting releasing, expanding restraining

I’ve been trying to get back to my guitar and develop my ears and fingers again. Or, for now, just recover from the rust from the whole year without practicing (though I had some planner’s skills protecting it). All in all I’m finding my skills really not as dreadful as I remembered them.

Still, going back to practicing my triad of major skills made me realize how great it was to have these three systems offering me feelings to be analogized into equations and motifs. For instance, the restraining made some interesting melodies come up, as my mind wasn’t tired of it as it soon became after half an hour exploring the notes and finding the vices and limitations I have. Other than that, I’ve just noticed that my fingers really hurt from these arpeggio exercises, and I remember I used to think of how this painful exhaustion was a good sign as it meant I was forcing my muscles to develop.

It makes me think of this great release I’m doing with my writing skills (which is the one most connected with my thinking skills). As a much more developed skill than music-playing (and simpler too), I can perceive some effects that are happening. For instance, seventy posts in May were terribly exhausting, but now it’s only around one hundred now in August that I am really getting to my limit.

I don’t think it’s the natural development that has helped me be able to add another whole month worth of texts. It was the exhaustion from the martial exercises in May that allowed me that. And it’s now towards my own new barrier that I seem to find the moment in which I can make the true development. It’s now my muscles are aching that I can expand my limits. It’s by trying to bear with them that I can make them stronger with time.

The benefit isn’t just being able to write more, but making the average efforts simpler and simpler. As I am debossifying them, I can take a lot less time to write here. I know that one day I’ll find myself too busy to dedicate as much time to this blog as I can now, so I’m doing this as a present to my future generations.