Crests have been part of my life not only in a
daily basis, but sometimes in ah hourly one. It’s a concept that there’s so
much I can observe about, and there are such complex subtleties about it that I
don’t think I will ever be over finding new things to notice about it. But it
seems to start become dangerous to my existence.
Going after them is hurting me. Unleashing them
has been having a side effect I knew could be possible, but I didn’t think it
could be like this. So as I go after them, their exigencies grow more daring,
and being subservient to them is making them become like spoiled children. It’s
about how deranged listening to my crests can get. I can try going after them,
but they keep me going to dangerous paths and it can bring me disaster in
several ways, even financial.
But what do I really mean by chasing crests and
having them damaging me? Well, they have this call of them and it orders me to
experience it. So a good song can appease it, or maybe tasting it inside my own
mind, but of course, experimentation is always more enthralling than
imagination. Well, the main problem is those crests-through-absence. They are
absent for a reason, I never been able to get them. Some I can get to them
right now, but there will always be things too distant, and it’s making me
crazy. Whenever I have this crest here, I am wanting of another.
I think I’d better start the end of this
investigation, as I feel this search for crests and trying to go after them is
making me feel sort of paranoid. I thought I could try answering them, but it’s
best to keep them silenced, at least with a very clear limit to their range of
influence. Since the beginning of the year I had this thing about
experimentation and imagination (I think it was in February when talking about
Zhu Rong), but I am learning this quest for having everything experienced and
my imagination so undervalued is making me feel really, really bad.
