Of Safe Port

I'm not easily affected by sadness. In fact, I know how to enjoy it. Being sad is always a trip to knowledge. Of course it's risky (and nothing is rewarding without it). Thing is, while I have control of my melancholy, I'm making good of use of it.

However, there are moments when I go too deep and the door behind me is closed with an ominous sound. And I find myself unable to find the way back. I start getting scared. Nightmarish thoughts start lurking over. Thoughts too dangerous I can't possibly make a fight. Just twice I've let myself be haunted by the most terrifying thought I could ever think of.And there was nothing I seemed to do against it, as it gained control over my own will and I was left to stare blankly at the destruction I stupidly allowed to happen.
And then these little things I could cling to suddenly becomes either meaningless or unreachable. You know, like trying to make a climb but find every gripable thing to suddenly having become too loose to be trusted.

I need to find real Safe Ports for these situations, when I'm finding myself too hopeless.
I have some potential candidates for this. Sometimes a good bath does the trick. Sometimes listening to some funny guys talking shit to each other and laughing in some podcast a few clicks away can bring me to a good mood in the blink of an eye. But then again, as the despair gains command of my own will, I don't feel like doing things that'll do me any good. I guess some things are not meaningful or tangible enough to resist the pressure.

But I seem to have found my most precious treasure. I always enjoy listening to this band, Veszprémer Klezmer Band. It's a hungarian band that plays some sort of jewish party music. They've got some of the most cheerful songs I've ever known. Even their most melancholic tunes sound so ... harmless. I've grown to enjoy them so much I can't listen to them without feeling like smiling anymore. There's even this song where you can listen  to people (apparently in a bar), dancing, clapping, laughing. And seeing people being nice, having fun, being happy, hell, just thinking about it right now is making my eyes burn.
I can't listen to them without feeling like being constantly taught to always see the bright side of life. Hell, they're jewish, after all. These guys could be mourning over all the suffering their people went through. How can they make songs this beautiful? I can't help it, this album, Zajt Gezunt, is rapidly becoming my hymn to happiness.
Taking in account a Hymn gains strenght through practice, I'll have to be careful not to contaminate the songs with the hopelessness I'm in when I need to listen to them.
But they seem unable to fail. Here I am, listening to them, just filled with life again.

Damn, I've got tears bursting through.These are some thoughts I have to avoid when I'm on the bus.