I was reading some notes I've made of thoughts I had when reading a book at the beginning of this year, and it captured my attention how the ideas were so well developed and organized and precise. All I am aiming for, I had already achieved. And I can only feel I'm only forgetting instead of learning.
However, it's been a while since I first noticed whenever I'm going to start practicing any skill more seriously, I reset it to zero. That is, I try building everything from scratch, and I won't settle for any middle-ground. I don't feel comfortable trying a project I know I won't be able to bring the better out of it. That's why I keep on sketching for years without a single finished drawing. That frequently makes me feel really incompetent.
Nevertheless, it's really frustrating to feel I'm going backwards, making it seem that the more methodical and analytical I am, the more I lose the grip of what I want to achieve. I fear I might lose all the feeling in this obsessive quest for discipline, and end up forgetting why am I even doing all of this in the first place.
Sometimes I get really, really fed up of caring so much about technical skills and all sorts of theories.
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