Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Of academic learning

I've been growing too intolerant towards academic learning. And I don't mean it like I've got my complaints against it. No, it's more like I can't go along with it anymore. No, it's not like I'm about to start a revolution in my campus. It's more of a personal matter, actually. I feel like I won't make it.

I've been growing too tired of making researches and studying and learning and writing.Which doesn't make much sense, because my spare time is spent basically on making researches and studying and learning and writing and thinking and practicing skills (seriously, this is the time of my life where I least watched movies or played games).

I guess I've developed a barrier when it comes to forced learning. I don't know why, but the thought of having to read one small essay already overloads my mind to a point where I instantly feel like going outside to breath some fresh air. I've been feeling it building up, year after year.

Having to write some five paragraphs of an introduction to a paper already burns my mind like a torture. I didn't used to be like that. I've always procrastinated stuff I need to do, but I don't remember them feeling like such a hellish burden. It's not like this semester things are tougher than ever before. I don't remember getting so stressed by having to write one stupid text every once in a while.
Yet, in the mean time I've probably laid some thousands of words on this blog in the last week alone. Yes, it seems I've been avoiding my academic writings to cheerfully practice my writing skills on some blog. I've even told myself it would be a good exercise because it "would make me used to writing, and make it easier for me to write academic stuff". Ha.
Why can't I direct my sincere desire to learn and be productive towards something that pretty much requires from you a desire to learn and be productive?

When I get my degree I'll spend like one whole year away from UFSC. It's not like I don't like it. No one forced me to spent my whole week there. I find the whole setting rather pleasant.
No, my point is that I just want to be free to learn.

I hope that when I go back for my master's degree this unsettlingness will be gone. I really do.

No comments:

Post a Comment