Of maturity

Sometimes I wonder if maturity and intensity are opposites sides of a coin.
No, wait, no. I don't really think it's like that. At least not simple like that.

From the few moments in my life where I felt truly mature, the last thing I could relate to it was having things out of control. But maybe intensity doesn't have anything to do with lack of control. Feeling that mature confidence can be a really intense moment. The difference is that it's not overwhelming.

I've felt it before. Not too many times, so I find it fascinating when it happens to me. That feeling of sudden strength arising from a hopeless moment when strength is needed, when a firm hand is needed to make firm decisions. It's a very steady feeling. It feels like spiky things can be handled without pain. It's not like feeling invincible. You don't feel like you can fight the whole world. You realize you can't. But you feel the energy to give it a shot. You feel like giving hope to people who need it. You feel like protecting others, and making them feel safe by your side, sharing with you some needed peace and comfort.
It is one of the most amazing things I could ever experience as a human being. It's an experience that makes me proud of being human.

Huh...

I feel weird when talking about pride. I feel it's not appropriate. We can't be proud of being human. Mankind is nothing but a virus in this world, right? We've got to feel shame. A self-destructive pessimism. Sure that will change things for better!