Of self-therapy

One of those days I was watching the sea, listening to a beautiful piano song, seeing the waves crashing, the body of water reflecting the sun while building up until  it could only crash upon itself. There was something meaningful about the sea that makes my mind a little more in peace. I wanted to taste it, but I couldn't really feel connected to it. My mind was being distracted with an ever longing for something else.

I've been thinking lately about things that rule our mind without us being aware of them. I've try reading little about it, and there seems to be a debate about the difference between subconsciousness and unconsciousness. The only thing I could get from it is that unconscious is at a lower level, and memories can't be retrieved through introspection, while things stored in the subconscious can. So even if I got it wrong, it got me enough to think about, and it's apparently one major realization that's going to make a difference in my life, or so I hope.

I have been distrustful to things that work subconsciously. It's pretty much the idea of unruled intuition being a flawed cog ruining the efficiency of the machine. I have to dissect it and reconfigure it, so when it's back in place, it'll work properly. I just have to be able to see when a cog is being the responsible for my problems, though it's complicated because there's always a subconscious force pulling the strings of everything, but I'm pretty aware that there's one pool of subconsciousness at the back of my head that I have to be constantly vigilant of, so it's easier when I can see where the problems come from.

Mindscapes are what I call the experiences and conditions and feelings in our lives, emotional or sensorial. I realized they've being betraying me with the malificent Subconscious Inc. I've learned my mind has been subconsciously striving for certain mindscapes, and that could be the cause of my feeling of insatisfaction and emptiness, as all mindscapes can't be as tasteful as that very one stored in my subconscious. Love is one interesting example, as when we're deeply in love we strive only for the emotional mindscape of love, and only being with the person we love is that we feel we can be happy. The problem is there's something of obsession about it, because my mind seems to block the appreciation of all other mindscapes.

But there's still more to mindscapes, and I have to explore why I have to keep searching for so many of them. I've got the theory that I am not happy about myself, so tasting hints of other lives is what pleases my subconscious. Of course, expanding my collection of mindscapes is benefitial, as I can be happy with every situation, be it a rainy monday morning or a lonely saturday night (and even mindscapes of pain, as shown by the dormant Sour Fuel). I just have to pay more attention to which mindscapes seem to be more prone to stimulate the obsession of my mind.

I like seeing how concepts interact, and when a new one is accepted as a member of the brethren, it has to work synergetically with the other veteran ideas. Gladly, these thoughts on things subconscious seem to fit them all perfectly, as the subconscious seems to be the origin of all mindtraps, they manipulate my mindscapes and the exercise of realization is vital, as it's the prime weapon to guard the subconscious from being so influent over my thoughts and actions and emotions.

And hopefully this way I'll slowly ungap the puzzle that is me.