It gets frustating at times when I get around thinking about the same issue for longer than a year and I still can get no satisfying conclusion for it. There are moments when all that makes sense is that I should let it go and move on, and that would be reasonable, sane and healthy. For some reason, though, I can't, and so I keep investing my time on this string thing.
The strange relationship between Ilium and Ersatz keeps tormenting me and I don't usually have much time to think about this in the level of trance that is required to find suitable answers. But one thing I know. I know that Ilium and Ersatz have a much deeper and intimate relationship than I would at first expect.
My resolution is that I am not just Ilium. I am both Ilium and Ersatz. Them two represent me, so if there’s any piece of land where I’ve been thinking of landing Ilium upon it, there shall have Ersatz just along. And I am everything there, from all roadwork to monuments but also ruins, poverty and some devastated places.
This struggle between them shows what I am... I am wreck and ruin, but I am also hope and passion. I can't hide all the destruction that has already happened inside me, all the conflict inside of me that alreadys make me always quiet and isolated and introspective, but I can't just pretend I'm made only of regret and guilt. Beautiful landscapes could be found at the most unexpected places. Roses are born amidst forsaken grounds.
As Ilium and Ersatz are the same, I think there’s just a confusing entwinement of both worlds in the same place. And just like this could mean landscapes changing frequently reflecting the internal battles, weather could define this other way I think of Ilium and Ersatz: Zephyr Winds and Haze Clouds (and there’s also gamma and sigma).