Thursday, October 31, 2013

Of stringed protest and isolation

 The feeling of unbelongingness I'm constantly dealing with has to be stringed properly into this world. So I feel like Ilium could be like some sort of isolated city, resisting to change against some rules of the world. And it can be seen in the way Ilium feels very small and unattractive.

This represents my aspect to resist the change, just because Lazuria could be making demands that Ilium refuses to attend. Or it just can’t, because of Ersatz that limits it, filling the place with dams. As these exigencies aren’t attended, I’m left out of the league, and ignored behind.

The flames could be responsible for that. Resisting to let go of Áine (and a bit of her essence is part of Hephaestus too) is responsible for that, and so I think her role is getting a little more clear. As I refuse to be part of a society that is demanding uncollectiveness and lacking of care for the other, I am losing the game, because my sensibility makes me weaker. (at the same time, I am growing to become coldhearted and bothersome without noticing it)

I just hope I’m not doing it for pride. I just don’t want to say “no” to myself. Although I might hate myself for feeling left behind and being me as the main cause to it and at the heat of the moment I’d love saying no to myself with the loudest scream, I can’t help but just keep being me, which does makes me feel hurt, but...

I'm not sure whether the avoidance of change is saving my essence or preventing me from evolving.

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