Thursday, October 31, 2013

Of Trygve's Fire (revisited)

 Having lost contact with my Trygve essence almost completely in the last months, I was getting convinced he would be gone for good. The memories I had of it were just a long past and I felt that I just could’t have it anymore. It sounds to me like something that was only able to exist in a certain moment of my history. But some recent experiences have shown me that maybe I just lost track of what Trygve actually is meant to be.

It seems to me it’s a bond with Hephaestus, as I could have such a joy in living that even pain was something to be pleasured. Having the acute coldness of the wind severing my skin or then hurting myself thoughtlessly with the because I just got too excited with doing my things.

It also could have some negative aspects from my essence, though. For instance that today I might be suffering the consequences of living in such a careless manner, of being cool with being hungry because I'm too busy studying. So I am seriously suspicious that Hrungnir might have been part of this.

While there are wounds that don't heal and I am afraid of dealing with them, diving right into them and feeling the pain extensively is, if done carefully, the most cathartic action I can do. Trygve is about this kind of catharsis, of stretching my limits, living in the border, walking the edge of what I can stand. The pleasure I know I'm not avoiding the limits of comfort zone, but facing my limits head on. So he's the one to deal with my abscission arks.

That's the difference between Trygve's filtered catharsis and plain self-destruction. That's how Trygve differs from Raseri. The latter is hate towards the others (and Vesta can't work well with the consequent hypocrisy). Trygve is an extrapolation of Hephaestus, as the joy from all things include the painful, and seeing meaning in that. So Trygve is perfectly possible to exist with Aine, as she is meant to prevent me from unleashing my own Ersatz problems out of this province.

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