Thursday, October 31, 2013

Of those who came from the lowest

Some of the most vicious and harmful habits I keep is to compare myself with others constantly. Being so insecure the comparison always aggravates every situation. Though it's hard to end a vice like that, I know I just need to focus on my own story and accepting myself. I can't expect no one to come and help and deus-ex-machina-ishly heal me.

Albeit bearing so many regrets and still having a lot of difficulties, I can't really say my life is stagnated. Slowly, but my life is actually improving. That can’t be denied. Though I might not be very far already by most standards (and here I am comparing myself with others without even noticing), I can feel I am already much more different than the one I was just two years ago, let alone ten years ago.

I came from down below. From nowhere. I was an absolute nobody, I had nothing remarkable about me, I had few people who would stay by my side. I was the Wallflower no one pays attention to. I can’t even say the situation has changed 100%, maybe just about 20% but that’s already something for me. I already have some accomplishments and nice memories to keep. And it keeps improving, expanding. Unlike people who have the best part of their lives early on, I am going the opposite way, I am learning more from and about life as time goes by. But hey, that's a comparison still!

I think it shouldn't matter where we are coming from, but where we are going to. Though I have so many basic stuff I can't deal properly to live an actually healthy adult life, either way I should be proud of where I am now, compared to whom I was.

I can just think of everybody being just so developed and mature by their teens when I just started blooming really when I got into my twenties. And then again, I feel even today I am first finding out about things I should’ve learned in my teen years. But to the hell with those comparisons! Considering my own change rate, I'll be very far ten years from now. I know the tendency seems to be to slow down progressively as I grow older and have less time and energy and disposition to change, but at least my blooming is constant and never-ending.

No comments:

Post a Comment