Thursday, October 31, 2013

Of Red Gravity

 In different degrees of perception, I've always felt I lack something to be human. I just rarely ever feel as if I was just like any other human being. I just don't feel belonging and being part of the world most of the time. And I feel other people just notice that, in different degrees of perception.

There's one text I've never written, about being the only active force in the world. Somehow people are always just distancing themselves from me, and I'm always trying to hold them close. And at the same time it seems to depend entirely on me, it's part of what makes me feel so powerless and hopeless when I lose yet another friend for this reason I can't understand.

I see people with friends orbiting around with a great stability. And so, they seem to have this attraction that pushes people closer to them. It might just be the feeling of liveliness that, being such a quiet and reserved person, is what I lack, this Red Gravity.

Sfayi and Qareen hold this artefact of insane value to Ilium that gives them this strange power. It’s one of the resolved aspects of my story, the reason my flames are always going after them.

But then again, my own attraction should be my own creation. That is, Ilium's power is in its industrial capabilities, and the synthetization of its machinery capable of creating such gravity. It's deep inside its underground facilities, built by Hephaestus, a shining object that could recreate the Red Gravity, and to prove its own worth. Not sure though, it the motivations are valid and solid...

Now, of course, it all has to do with developing such extremist introspectiveness... No wonder extroverts possess the Red Gravity in such a satisfying level. However, should I change who I am? How much of that is the death of transformation and when it becomes the death of my essence?

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