Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Of never-ending accumulation

When I started Zhu Ronging my way to get things done, I’ve quickly realized that I’ve been getting to the whole Aftergoal business again. After all, when one task is done, there’s some other one, and yet another one, and suddenly the first one has to be redone again already?

There’s always food to be bought, clothes to be washed, mess to be cleaned. There’s always ideas to organize, posts to write. There’s always books I’m planning to read, movies I intend to watch, new podcasts being released, places that I have to stop tasting only in my imagination.

I’ve been getting tired of drinking coffee every morning, and lunching and eating again, and every new day I must eat all over again, and towards the end of the day I must sleep all over again. Maybe I’m starting to get mad against the logic of life, and that’s start to get red like a mindtrap, since it’s a routine I can’t escape. But sometimes it get’s really, really tedious. It’s never over, and there are moments when it feels incredibly unrewarding and tiresome.

I don’t like this feeling of day coming, day going, simply doing my routine activities of getting rid of accumulated things. When I notice the week is already over, and suddenly the month, and then the year is over and I’ve got nothing substantial done. I’m just so involved dealing with the routine things that there’s so little time left for working on a plan to escape from it, and that weighs me down.

Sometimes it seems like I’m doing too many things, and I have to abdicate of some tasks just to have time to breath the air and taste things peacefully. Maybe sometimes I just need the courage to abandon some responsibility and try to live through a whole day being completely reckless, just for the sake of loosening a vice.

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