It’s an astonishing find that one mind can save and store all the pain and fear one individual has already lived (or dreaded) at the same time it pretends to stay away from it. It really bothers me to find my mind being filled with things that accumulate so easily. As there’s always there, I’ve always tried to find a way to deal with it, to fight it or erase it, or turn their power beneficial. And Trygve represent this tactic.
However, I’ll have to be honest here, Trygve is still too complex for me to understand even after months since I’ve given it birth. There so much yet to be discovered and deciphered. Sometimes I’m simply trying to know why it exists in the first place.
There’s no reason for me to keep blaming myself for so many things even unconsciously, these things holding me down, locking me down. Is it fortification, a cleansing process or just victimization?
It has features several characteristics, some of them being harmful, other quite beneficial. And there’s this part of it that makes me incredibly ashamed that is how unstable it is. Sometimes it’s such a clear and eloquent part of me, and in other moments I end up feeling like it has never existed at all and that I’m making everything up, as everything a say I feel suddenly aren’t there. It’s a powerful quintessence, and suddenly everything becomes quintessenceless, and these unexpected disappearances make it too hard to be transcribed.