Monday, April 1, 2013

Checkpoint #24

March showed me scourgers still trying to breach through my alpha defense. And for a moment there, I was thinking they almost made it, even Hakr returned. I was feeling things like I used to feel in the dark nights of late 2012, but at the same time, I was frequently being successful in expelling them again and feeling zephyrous trances very often too. I also felt some of the most intense moments of happiness in this month too. All in all it seems like flames and scourgers engaged in a more serious battle than rather silly skirmishes in February. But apparently I’m learning of the ways of victory.

Time was a matter that is being my focus lately. In a start, somehow this was a month that went quite slow, which is a nice thing because I’m never eager to its end, and usually in my mind I was several days ahead of the actual progression of days. Paradoxically, I felt like I didn’t do anything in this month. It went like most ill-managed agenda ever in the story of everything. In short words, the Tardis Rule sound a noisy alarm in my head.

Speaking of rules, I’ve made my decision on how this year will work. I like how natural it came to be, and also accidental, because of the failure in February. And this is how the dynamics will go from now on, with thematic months. I feel relieved because I managed to make a very slight reinvention here that is also what this place was in need of, but it’s also making me feel slightly refreshed with the changes and the thrills to adapt to it.

As for the theme of this month, now when I look at it, unfortunately I'm not really fond of it. I feel I really did made no advance other than throw some names and just chew the existing concepts some more. I am feeling I still didn’t go deep into it. I have the feeling I could have done so much more. But I know what I did wrong. If I had been watching more movies and reading more novels I’d probably be a whole hell more inspired to go. I’ll fix that.

And even still, this was a month with several new ideas and concepts. I think I’ll even go over them as they’re all deserving it. The aforementioned Tankobon Rule is very important, but also was the idea of Zephyrous Zenith as it helped me with the anti-scourger strategies. And the Vermilium Army for being such a cool name. However, the Veszpremer people are really the winner of my monthly trophy, because it also encompass all these thoughts that are making me feel so much more free and content.

Um, let me see, this place is another spin older. It's two years I have this blog already! And suddenly my confidence just sank. Two years and not one person has given me any actual feedback (though I had this and that friend I was forcing into giving me any response). If I didn't love so much what I am doing I'd have given up a long time ago. And even still I know I'll keep having ideas and recording them because it's natural for me to do this, but I just realized how painful it was to write these texts, and how much I'm wearing myself out while making so many sacrifices and it's suddenly feeling like it's for nothing. But hey, I'll just take some more breath to stay and avoid this scourging feeling and ignore this and do it like I used to. Everything is gonna be alright...

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