There's not much to be said about my recent struggles regarding my legitimacy of my flames. I am just not sure about them anymore, as they failed for so long. Shouldn't Vesta be more resistant in letting Raseri rise so much? I wish I could even try to live without them, but sometimes it feels they're the pest and won't let me go. I've been getting to cynical towards it, as I've been failing with them so thoroughly.
Here they are now, as I'm slowly relearning who they are. But Fire Ensemble demands too much from me. These aren't qualities I inherently possess and I go a great extent just to taste a brief scintilla. Whether they're powerless, kidnapped, poisoned or just nearing death, I've been feeling alone like never before. Ilium lied protectless for so long, bare and ready to be destroyed.
Albeit not always being here, their burning presence is one I can't ever forget. It might even be selfish and the reason it causes their presence to feel like they were there by being paid for it, like mercenaries and bounty hunters instead of actual heroes who'd defend their city through day and night. They were almost turned outlaws, and even worked under Raseri's orders, now people don't know if they are to be trusted.
Still, hope flickers once in a while. I know that one thing rings true. Whoever they are, I know their light is cathartic to me. The piercing voice of reason, the pulsating bursts of kindness, the burning flow of curiosity, the unexpected protective walling, the tension of muscles gathering energy... they're all feelings that make me feel very much alive. They're feelings that make me feel life is worth.