Saturday, November 30, 2013

Of Zhàn's Reaping

 Some years ago I remember being plagued by crisis of identity pretty much constantly. It seems it's got better recently, but then again, there's always a period of the year when I enter in a grand new crisis, and that's been usually the end of the year. It's not only because it's a moment when I start evaluating my perfomance through the year, but also because it's where I have my birthday.

As it approaches I get closer to it with my eyes closed as if expecting something awful and terrible to happen. Usually it's just an average day and I open my eyes and take a breath of relief. But even though it's not instantaneous, it ends up happening when the realization starts sinking in, and I start having several urges to do something about my life heading towards a lonely death.

This year in particular I had it earlier as I had some bad blows to my ego in october, and so all together they made me reconsider pretty much all I've been doing in my life, and it's when I have several of my time issues. I feel the time running short, I feel regret for the wasted years, I even feel the veil of mortality again. They're here again for the reap. It's all in all a bloody festival where my own hell's gates break loose.

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