Saturday, November 30, 2013

Of Khorkhoi and Yehren

 Though Vesta and Hephaestus founded a bureaucratic system that was aiding the development of Ilium, it was ill-used by Raseri, who was too unfamiliar with the codes and constitutions founded for the administration of the city. He was too dumb a creature to handle a statute filled with many minutiae.

The end of the year was approaching, and the I was very worried about it. The main problems I started having was how I felt I had such a huge chunk of my life wasted, as I couldn't handle all these problems already. If only I was a little more prepared, I wouldn't let myself be troubled by others. I was supposed to be much more mature and I was supposed to handle my feelings well. But then again, is maturity an ability not to feel hurt, or to prevent myself from letting my rage to hurt others? Still, I was supposed to be an adult already, not just a tall child with beard.

The fuss in the city brough a Zhàn group to investigate the place. There were permanent Zhàn watchtowers in these lands, and the arrival of the Zhàn watchguard was announced by the arrival of the baby-beast Khorkhoi, unleashed to the amusement of the imperial troops. Khorkhoi was bigger than usual, and an abscission demon surely had something to do with it. The beast was a really great menace to Raseri, as he wouldn't know how much the city would stand against the invasion of Ushag now with this mindless, chtonic creature running wild and destroying all in its way.

The creature was only tamed by Hiraeth, who arrived followed by Yehren. He wasn't one of the most powerful Zhàn scourgers, but he arrived earlier as he lived in a nearby Zhàn watchtower, where he made allegiance with the Ersatz clans, and he was an acquaintance of Avsky.

I think constantly that, as I lost so much of my time, I need to make up for it. And I see everything as pointless to bother, for I have to think, I've got to get ideas, I've got to learn and create. It's just too vicious and dangerous, because suddenly I realize I've been too derangedly obssessed with this shit. So I don't bother with learning car mechanics, or dancing, or just being with friends. I get really distant and it bothers me terribly, feeling barely able to talk with people. Hell, it gets to the point where even learning and creating is affected by this.

The obstinated search for something, let's say, above ordinary made me feel like I have to do just what makes me close to it. The part that makes me feel ashamed is that I end up actually wasting my time because of this extraordinarily restrictive indisposition and just do nothing, because I'm not doing it peacefully, or sincerely interested. It's somewhat of a still grieved attempt to prove my own worth.

No comments:

Post a Comment