Maybe all the ambition and the desire to be where it is important, to attain changing nuclearities has become an obsession which made me profoundly unsatisfied with the surface reality. It's been growing in my soul in the last months, each time when I've tried to write about it its dimension had worringly grown.
Sometimes it seems to me that everything that we find in this world is just a mere distraction for us to stop realizing how terribly meaningless it all is. I see all the cars, all the buildings, all the monuments, all the models and shows and... what's the point of it all? Goddamit, it's hard as hell to describe this quintessence, maybe I need to charge this idea a little more.
But then again this thirst for nuclearities and growing rejection to surface things keeps going breaking boundaries. As it grows I also find it meaningless to keep studying and developing myself. After all, because of what? What's the point of leaving a mark with the undercurrent message of "I've been here"? Nature will erase us off someday and no matter what I do it will also be lost along with my flesh and bones...
Maybe I just need to be foolish enough to ignore it and keep shooting myself towards all these meaninglessness aftergoals. Maybe one day one of these goals would hold an answer for me.
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