It’s worth noting how much I felt I changed inside, how much stronger and safer I seem to feel, but, at the same time, I remain always the same, there in the real life. Still mostly a quiet listener, not being expressive of my opinions.
Though things I do here might leak there, and I like seeing how others have noticed my dedication to my tasks, trying to do them efficient, rapid, organized. I like how my flames sometimes surface to my actions.
But still it feels important to me that I have to keep having this divided self. It makes me ever in touch with the world, and it doesn’t let me feel too proud of myself. This average-looking guy that I am in the real life has always bothered me, but in the end it’s the enantiodromic impulses that seem to make the formula work. It’s what gives me strength, to clandestinely build up my empire in this undercurrent alley.