Of times when strength is needed

It's sinking in the meaning of being 23 and not yet having accomplished anything meaningful in my life. So here comes one dead-end again, this feeling that every distant star I want to touch are never going to get any closer than those billions light-years always so far. But I can't head to my bed and curl in depression. If there's one time I need to prove my strenght, it is now. And it's what I will do, even though I seem to be on the verge of breaking down and the sole effort to stay up is demanding enough.

Fortunately I've got my own tricks up my sleeve. It seems that the Fire Ensemble turns out to fill most gaps that led me to try to develop the Inner Constitution. They are guiding me well, my flames. I just need to do whatever I can to summon Zhu Rong present inside my soul, so I can keep the steady march forward with a firm grip, even when every muscle from my body is begging me to give up.

My mind also begs me to give up, but I will not allow my own depression and this unforsaken feeling of meaninglessness to stand in my way and spread pain and feelings of threat around me, because I can't betray Áine's will. I will not surrender to the thoughts of segregation and superiority and silly irritability I keep seeing all around me. I will portray a smile because you all deserve it. Even if I feel always so isolated and underestimated, my pain is mine, and I will absorb it with Trygve, and make good use of it, as fear is what better fuels the scarce courageous strength.

This world sometimes seem to wish me to let go of my dreams, by being forced to stay away from it. But nothing will make me forget my mission, even if it's what is making me go through this hell in the first place. Also, even if I meet the dead-ends and aftergoal disillusions as I usually see that my dedication rarely brings me any reward, maybe I should have a little more of Vesta and listen to her advices. Maybe I'm not aiming for the nuclearity of my problems, I just need Zhu Rong to face the fears even Trygve can't control.

At the end of day, the absent fire being missed the most is Hephaestus, and the enthusiasm he always used to bring with the bright-red appearances of his. But this loneliness that usually brings me to him sometimes lead my dark forces, and make me think of giving up. However, somehow I'm still always finding some small drops of renewed courage to face each new day.

So, whatever it takes, despite what happens, I will not be brought down.