The most vital part for this whole project is to have enough sensibility to perceive things. Apparently I'm managing to discover new things because of it, but it's something that has to be charged, pretty much like any skill must be warmed-up.
It's something that wears off quite easily, the sensibility. It takes a certain reconnection with my thoughts and feelings for me to enter back in this world of weird mental happenings, interesting ideas and overall unexploed mysteriousness that both scares and appeals me. Fortunately, I'm learning my way to regain it within the fewest steps and time as possible.
Maybe the depression I suffer from is by losing contact with myself, though it also has to do with some social injuries. But this lack of sensibility isn't exactly the same thing as the Blackouts as they're are the apathetic, numb emptiness, not the emptiness that somehow fill and corrodes my insides. But perhaps it is the cure for both, as it connects me with somethng, and can distract the emptiness with a healthy enthusiasm that can only do me good.
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