Starting some months ago, or maybe my perception starting around then, I’ve felt coming to quarrels with my memories. The way I feel my memories is as if I had a poor and unexciting life, but I don’t trust what they tell me, mainly because the ones about this whole year that’s just been past seems so thin. And when I keep thinking about it that I realize I’ve done so much, but when I try to feel it, it’s as if I accomplished nothing.
When generations come to an end, it’s as if they suddenly have never existed. Why does my mind have tricks like this? Sometimes I think these good abilities I have aren’t possibly worth it. Past months, previous texts, all the events and accomplishments, as if they are ashes already taken by the wind.
The Wehmut Process is working strangely with this long generation that has just become past, like it’s still heating up the engine to process it. So while it doesn’t do its work, I am feeling like I had the whole year erased from my mind. I think of it like that primarily because I have those little delta stones that tell me they’ve been true experiences.
My emotional memories become like they haven’t existed, though I know I have live through a lot this year. It has one compensation for this, as I am feeling like I never had a life and it’s all just empty, and this just invalidates the whole pressure. Unfortunately, it comes with no emotional relief.
I’ve been living under the pressure that the more we do, the better we get. But lately I’ve been doing some crazy stuff just to have stories to tell, but here when I stop to look at the world like I’ve always done, I am just the same me as always.