Unfortunately this deadline I created for myself, trying to develop myself all I could until I become 25 has created a terrible expectancy for it. Becoming 24 now in late November was already heavy enough and one of the biggest reasons for it being such a terrible struggle. I can’t even imagine how heavy it will be when becoming 25.
I need to do something about it.
I need to decrease the expectation, and I have one whole year for it. I don’t know how to kill it, so probably the best bet is to get myself more time: I’ll extend it to 30, so I will have five more years to do something about it. Plus I’ll add five years to development, which I think can bring me a relief considering I am not thaaat behind the line (or am I?).
Sometimes I think I actually am behind for my age, though I can never tell. This is dangerous and I have to be more careful with this whole ordeal. This feeling of evaluating my age is a scourging one, and I have to find a way to vanquish it.