There are some pedagogic wonderings I always had in mind, revolving around my concern of increasing the statistics of learning speed and quality. I wonder of how some experiences can create adherence and others create aversion, so we’ll stick to them or want to escape or be distanced from it for the rest of our lives.
It isn’t a simple factor that creates repulse instead of attraction. It isn’t simply a matter of something being harmful. I’ve had some bad experiences that twistingly became influential to my tastes. In a way or another, all experiences become crests, and even pain and sorrow can unexpectedly be sort of appealing if something goes wrong. At the same time there are daily events that instead of making me get used to it and having them part of my life, being constantly in touch with them makes me weary and wearier These experiences have absolutely no adherence to them, no matter how much I’ve experienced them in my life.
My hypothesis is that I can’t attach to things that are mine. Sometimes I feel that I just want to be far from all that represents me, as saltless as it feels to me. This is just how present and influential the Outsider Complex is to me. One little short visit to another city creates stronger wehmut responses than the usual wehmut created by repetition of my routines. Everything that resembles the life and routine of others apparently is much more enticing and it’s much more appealing to me than most of my personal experiences.
I think I will them Spy Crests, because they can be treacherous. I just realized they were the most enjoyable crests before I had this realization, now I feel a little dizzy to think about it. I think it has to do with quartzes and diamonds, as the new and impacting experiences influence the wehmut process, but this isn’t just that. I can’t admit that the thought of imagining outside my life for the mere fact it is not my life. Simply imagining my routine being lived by someone else makes it so much more tasteful.
Apparently makes the mindscapes and crests become get this adherent. Not all of them go like that, and I can sort of track down a mindscape when it has this spy crest to it, so I can ignore it. No, I need to change that, I don’t want to feel connected to other people after what I’ve been through. I can’t let that kind of dependence interfere in my enjoyment of life. But at the same time, suddenly the tastes of my life have gone stale again, but on the other hand it’s as if what I was making me happy was… a lie? Gee, now this is really complicated…