If I’m left here to enjoy this prevalent peace, I can only feel like tricking myself. I have to have those scourging fears right before me. Otherwise I’m sure they would just return stronger.
I’ve always heard of people saying that reviving our fears is to be constantly drowning ourselves in misery. It’s even common for me to hear of people who say they only care about the good things, the painful things are to be left aside. I don’t know if that really works for them, as I know that definitely doesn’t work for me.
It’s not like I intend to only feel the pain. I just can’t feel comfortable to ignore all my problems, it’s feels like cheating. It doesn’t feel to me like true satisfaction and happiness. And then, these adventures are always a new thrill, even though in the midst of the confusion we’re never enjoying it. But after the deeds are done I can honestly and profoundly focus on good things.
So, if they will return, it’s for the best that I am seeking them. I might eventually fall weak, but I’ll have the advantage that is to learn a little more of them with my unexpected assault.