Saturday, June 30, 2012

Of Young Brother Syndrome

As my mind can grow aware of my successes and engage in the next aftergoal adventures, it can become increasingly more exigent. It is telling me now, through quintessential signaling, that I should be going out in the world and being more active. But somehow, this thought made my guts wrench in fear.

It’s definitely one of my worst flaws. Depending on my state of mind, I’m terribly afraid of the world. After all, I’m a weakling. Those like me can’t bear any influence over anything. I am too shy and clumsy. I am too pathetic and laughably unexperienced on the ways of the world.

When this feeling strikes me I feel but like a fraud. Suddenly, my intense, burning desires are no more. I know people who are actually intense and that have life pulsating in them. I know people who are actually smart and can make things happen around them, they are those who are actually intelligent and are getting somewhere.

And this fear can’t be won by making me realize this just isn’t true. Simple words can’t cure one’s deepest wounds. No, sometimes even doing something bold to try to weaken it can’t do much. After all, it’s as if a part of me, and can’t be removed…

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