If it wasn’t for this place, I would never find this strength I have. But the strength I never had out there still doesn’t show up there even when I have it in here. It’s as if there was something in the way to prevent me from showing this self of mine out there. Except for some occasional leaking of Zhu Rong, Áine or Trygve, not much has changed. Hephaestus and Vesta are still weak out there.
When I’m put into moments of pressure, I can never express myself properly. I suddenly shy back and I forget things I should be saying (which is weird, considering I’ve been more outgoing and then I’m stuttering words like I was a timid kid again). Only after it all is gone I remember them. One of the surest things about me is that I’m definitely not one fast-thinker, and I hate that.
Lately, I’ve had my attempts to try remembering who I am, this burning me, in these moments of truth. All of these burning things, I’ve been trying to summon them out there where it truly happens. I’m tired of being cornered.