I’ve settled for a new principle in creating these characters. While I can’t know which one of these are going to be actual characters with any sort of relevance, I decided to simply go around making characters for every dark emotion I have. Or at least the very basic part of it, which is give it a name and treat it like it’s a person.
Before I can think of how Lazurian and Zhàn scourgers would be like I have some new Ersatz scourgers (even if the boundaries of the nationality doesn’t seem consistent). To start with it, there’s a chthonic scourger I’m calling Draugr. It’s a beast representing tragic events, like accidents or death or any event that will make you go through the five stages of grief. It’s the moment when the ground disappears below your feet (and in anime the character’s eyes go white). It happens when we lose something important, and it can be about material things too. Neighboring Draugr, I’ll call this other one Haugr, and it’s a very similar feeling, though it’s more the doom-like atmosphere of disaster, and news that spread panic. It can be sensationalism when we’re told of how some mortal disease is spreading of the world or an economic crisis is coming or something that will totally bring the end of the world as we know it, but it can also be when we heard the company is going bankrupt and your job is at stake. When we’re alienated about some subject, it’s easy for people to terrorize us with this feeling.
Then there’s Garm. It represents fear, though I admit it’s a rather general feeling. And somehow I thought of it as a lupine-looking being. He is a gatekeeper, probably preventing me from entering Lazurian grounds. And here is one replacement, which fortunately isn’t as often as I’d fear it to be, so Verfall is going to replace Sackgasser because I need a sounding name for this. It’s the highest omega/sigma place I can reach, and it can be about thoughts of suicide. It’s really, really dangerous and apocalyptic. There’s another one here I’m calling Zerstör. It’s a very bad feeling I experienced earlier this year, and this is some sort of disappointment and disgust and it’s connected to Ushag, Älcke and Raseri.
And now there’s some of these which show this problem with their boundaries. There’s just three of them, just two novel ones. First there’s Zerzet, which is that feeling of moroseness and being really unmotivated. I think it is neighboring one Zhàn scourger representing the lack of something to fight for, though this is more like I can’t believe in myself or I have no interest or energy or I’m too afraid to actually chasing things. It’s also related to Frosq. The other one I’m calling Hiraeth, and there’s also something of Zhàn essences to it too, as this is about the past. Hiraeth is the melancholic feeling for things that were and are no more. It’s for those friends we can’t no longer get in touch with, or routines that we can’t relive not even once again. It’s things fallen in the black pit of past. As a scourger, it’s not the nice nostalgia, but the feeling that the only things left are semi-transparent recollections and repetitions. It’s about things that are no more, and the feeling that the best of life is gone, and the future is pale. And here is Nachzehrer again, this time with a more defined essence: it’s about the feeling that it hurts being among others, a feeling of being an alien. Truly feeling like you don’t sort of belong to this human species, but after being excluded and rejected so many times…
So let’s go to the Lazurian feelings this time. They are mostly feelings dealing with me being so dysfunctional and with the incapacity to belong. So I’ll start with, why not, Ifrit. It’s the feeling that my actions aren’t enough, as best as I they can be. It’s when I think that trying leads only to failure, pretty much like that quote from Homer Simpson. I feel pathetic as my best isn’t even enough. Similar to it there’s Iblis, which is how unfair it is when I see other making such less effort having such great rewards. Emshi is the feeling that others despise me or think low of me. Shaytan is the paranoia when I simply try to understand why it’s so easy for others to leave me, and insecurity that makes me take such ridiculous conclusions. Hisaab is for the financial despair of being unable to pay bills and the rent, or even worse, when you can’t even buy food, it’s the powerlessness that is the worst feeling that can happen in the circumstances of poverty. And in this sort of arabic-themed land, there could be an overlord, or rather a sultan, to represent the feeling I’m failing completely at life. The feeling as I know is going already to Verfall, but if it ever comes to happen I need this spot, he’s being called Shadar. And for the poignant army, which is when things have bitter memories to them, I’ll call then Venin Soldiers.
And now it’s Zhàn time. Also like Lazurian, it’s about myself being unable to deal with time or accepting and making good use of it, and being so powerless against it. First one is a chthonic scourger called Khorkhoi, and it represents the regret of wasted time, usually when I look back to my life or think of all I could have been today. Yehren is for the annoyance with time, like doing something that will crunch some time off my day (and is neighboring with Avsky). Lenok is the feeling that there’s no future to fight for, a life without passion, having no reason to get up in the morning. Aswang is the last-minute panic and despair. I used to have this feeling a lot in school when doing the homework; ‘give up, it’s too much to do in too little of time’. And then there’s Loquat, for the accusation of age, mainly the thought of “you’re not young anymore!”. The last one I have now is Nguyen, which is the feeling that time is running out, but a long-term perception, somewhat like the right hand of Hakr, who really seems to be the most powerful of them, the heavy mortality (and neighboring Frosq). Yeah, he seems like a worthy emperor.
So this is about it for now. A little too rushed for something that requires careful thoughts, and it was so rushed indeed that I feel I didn’t manage to glue the names to their correspondent meaning, but I think that’s good for a brainstorm. So far as now I come to begin to understand how Zhàn and Lazurian Scourgers are going to behave differently from Ersatz, maybe they won’t going to have as many chthonic forces, because I’m feeling they are going to be known for their crushing voice. A kind of whispering, threatening voice that sounds familiar to me. They remind me of Wormtongue…