February was normal. But also special. And still with some stings. I can't think of something really characteristic of it, but I enjoyed it. Yes, I quite did. Some new things changed and this alpha condition seems to be more stable now. There are some things I really don't know how to handle and they are a perfect breach for scourgers to return if I can't close it now, but I know that for now I am learning to enjoy my days and I am more in control of myself and so I can still expel them quickly.
Wait, where are all the texts? Did I just fail here in an inexcusable and pathetic way? It wasn't intentional like last september and I won't make an excuse for it. Everything was just ok and there wasn't any particular reason for that to happen. At most I was just maybe a little too tired to get things the way I wanted in time.
Thing is, I'm pretty much ok with it. It's weird that this is the very first time I actually failed in here (and that has a dark meaning to be stringed) but I'm hardly pulling my hair out with despair. I'm feeling quite good. I think I might be enjoying the ride without worries and I was so busy trying my time with other things that I just kind of got distracted from here. Yes, I've lost discipline and diligence, but at least I'm happy and that's healthy.
And it wasn't even a big failure, come on. Ideas are all there and I even had several texts written; I was just selecting to release thoughts on gems and strings and some revamps, but somehow only gems were more like what I actually wanted. And I've made a terrific development in that topic, and that's the definitive highlight of this month. I am proud of this, and I had such a great time going around chasing and choosing names. I'll stay with Marble and Turquoise as the refreshing moments of this month.
It wasn't a failure because even if it was just three texts this month, it's quality that matters, and I enjoyed them as texts too; something I don't feel very often. I wasn't writing just for obligation but I honestly was having a good time doing it and I like this light and playful tone to them. Also, they're jaw-dropping huge. I think the fifth version of gems is probably the biggest text I've ever written without even having that ambition, and it was even the accomplishment of a feat like august.
Hey, I had trances working back again like they used to before all these crazy times and maybe I am even understanding better how to trigger them. I had all these new seeds and lots of thoughts, and I was making the first plans for the Eva Engines, plus there was this Oceanic Framework and the Conundrum series. And when I was just making some treasure-hunting so I could name some new scourgers, there was an insane joy and inspiration to it that I suddenly realized I got too late to actually sit my ass down and write and make the strings of feelings and characters. So I promise next month they'll be there, also because I need to unload my mind of several thoughts that are taking too much space in my mind, and for too long too, and I want new refreshed waters for my thoughts to bathe in.
There is some other things I'd like to say. For instance, I want to go back to isolated inspection as cramming up a text with several ideas doesn't feel good and it felt cleaner before, even though working on introduction and conclusion for every little thing was tiresome and artificial. And I think I've found a nice template to work here from now on, but first I'll explore it more to see how that will work.
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