Saturday, March 31, 2012

Of the loss one can afford

Points of no-return seem to be a constant belief in my mind. Unconsciously it happens, the felt thought that there are some things that can’t actually happen, they should not. It’s a strong belief that to some extent my mind will unconsciously try not to believe the world could push some vertices that far. For instance, it’s hard for my mind to believe how far one can feel pain, and endure to it… sometimes I end up having the unconscious thought that it can’t possibly ever be this constant. One will lose consciousness, or get used to it. It can’t be possible that some things could happen.

And yet, as they happen, somehow, when the mind is prepared, the loss can be affordable. Things aren’t over when we lose money, nor material things. It is not the end of the world. Good things come to an end, the youth, the beauty, the health, the affections are gone. Departures occur and we are again separated. You can screw it up and, you know… misconnect. And yet, even when hope seems done, even if you’ve been through hell, even if you feel handicapped, you realize you’re still alive. I can feel it to be a disturbing thought sometimes, the way there aren’t endings: the limits are unbounded and one can fall even further. But it can also extend to happiness, which can always be regained.

That is a ground to explore, the way hope is that little and apparently fragile line that makes us believing. And when that line is cut apart, the world seems to shatter, but a prepared mind seems to support it. But to consider hope a mindtrap is fast conclusioning, a more dangerous mindtrap. Hope is clearly beneficial in certain scenarios, it’s what makes us still fight even when one branch of hope seems destroyed. But sometimes it seems I’m better off without it. There are situations in which a very clear and sounding no or yes is much better than a perhaps, or a not promised someday

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