Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Of memory-making

It has always been unsettling to me to read and listen to stories of youth told by elders when they are told including every minor detail. My mind never worked that way. My memories of details are commonly dispersed and unconnected and it increases with the distance from my current self. Only more recent memories, from one or even maybe two years ago I can recall with details, though I’m meaning more mundane events, and not impacting experiences (but even those lose details).

The process of losing the details is something that happens when crests are being formed. It’s the crossing of the mysterious veil as these details are slowly being condensed into a quintessence. Recalling memories sometimes happen when I breach a crest quintessence I possess, the unshaped memories they are, and I can make them cross their way back to a more defined existence.

As the crests are this amalgam of experiences, the combination of resurfaced elements can be a combination that was never made. That is simply to say I can feel memories I never had. But it’s much, much more subtle than it seems. The way it happens is more like a frustrating realization that this feeling I know wasn’t actually created from an actual experience. It seems some feelings I have are just quintessences transferred from songs I listen… my life seems so poor by realizing that.

That’s how frustrating it can be when the crests-through-absence are also in the equation. Considering my theory that they are born from things we are supposed to feel, mostly social pressures, some crests are mere idealizations of experiences. But erasing them is impossible, for now. And they might even have their importance that I think I should reconsider the prospect of building the power to deleting them from my mind.

However, there’s something interesting about this idea. Even though I don’t want to try any attempt in fabrication of memories, it has story-telling potential as it will power the quintessential rule. That is, they can power my imagination as I use my actual experiences and crests they’ve created to make my interpretation of fictional experiences.

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