The Outsider Complex is dangerous to me not only because it makes me feel inferior to others, but it also makes me feel inferior to my previous generations. I’ve always felt my previous selves were pathetic and in a way I still feel that, but now I’m getting the feeling that I’ve already been so much more productive and so much more skilled.
It feels to me that past generations were always so much satisfied about themselves. It’s a true sensation I have, but I know there is something wrong as I have the memories of feeling so lonely and down so frequently. I barely have memories of being happy for the length of one day, so the thought of being like that for one week or even a month which is how long generations could last, is absurd to me.
But I’m feeling my memories from May becoming like I was being the king of the world. Indeed I was first learning of the lasting happiness, but it just takes me the reading of things I had written to remember of the problems I used to have.
However, I don’t think the negative impacts are ignored. Oh no, my mind wouldn’t be this kind. They seem to go under the carpet and mine my feelings and ideas from there, until they rise with the emancipation of the Scourgers (which they seem to feed).