June was a month of failures. Almost nothing went as planned. No wonder I got to this obsession to foresee my reactions. My sieging efforts didn’t really work, the fall I intended to have wasn’t like the one that happened,and also I didn’t read the books I wanted to read when I had the chance.
My plans were to force myself not to have ideas, and as it happened through unexpected means I think I also went too far as unexperienced as I was. I got scared and had to bring myself to my normal state just to see if everything was still ok. So although I lost some time without the power of the trance, and I kept having this feeling of unproductiveness, there were quite a bunch of interesting ideas (as automatic sieging followed). I am particularly proud of Causal Adherence, though I like how Chrysoberyls played out. Those two fears now called Ushag and Qareen also made my soul more protected in some moments last month, so together these would define my main discoveries in June. There was also this foreseeing thing that sounds like a mission with lots of potential (though Scourgers had me started in the Alphabetical Impression mission already -no problemo, the gemstone crests are halfway done and the slot is almost vacant).
But Procrastinator came back with full strenght to my writing exercises again. I think I shouldn’t think things like this could be defeated this easily. Maybe I had a low guard as I had him humiliated last month, or because Restraint’s Toll made him unleashed again as I lost control of things. I had to use some tricks I've found on blogspot to let the posts be shown in June, because I actually borrowed some hours of July to have it a little closer to what I wanted (could I hope it would mean I'm more exigent as I'd rather take more time than releasing things all halfassed?). As I got to a new dangerous edge in my commitment , I’m foreseeing my revengeful reaction this month. I wish to see what would happen if I try to ruin the act, just to see what would happen, but I think I’ll not take that risk yet.
The strength I’m having I’m already planning to use for new confronts with Ushag. Hardly I’ll vanquish him, but I’ll need to do more reconnaissance advances in order to study a strategy to overcome him (and if he terrorizes me too much, maybe I can use my witnessing of the quintessence for making the character more defined, so far creative endeavours have been a good weapon to make Scourgers retreat). However, before I even know what to do with him, I have to learn how to bring him in to begin with. As I need to understand how this fear could even be summoned through my command, I need to keep trying sieging exercises. Although it didn’t really work in June, I’m no Wile E. Coyote, dismissing his ACME strategies because they’ve failed the first time. I’ll keep on trying the sieging exercises to see if they can really help my stances get more solid. It’s still quite unfeasible, but I have hints that I can make my dives, fallings and risings controllable (I've managed to ward Hephaestosis off after an extended trance today with this thing that felt like an active spell).
I like thinking without the compromise of not having ideas being written down to add up the counter. It has been causing in my mind a certain feeling of distress when I’m having an idea and moving on without unloading it on paper (and here I’ve felt the slight proximity of Causal Adherence’s neighbor). Thinking like this really makes it less burdensome and makes my inspiration healthier. So it’ll converge the advantages of my choice to use next month as a chance to force myself to finish some things I’ve been postponing. This way I'll have the discoveries in July being charged up until August, when I'm planning for a yet bigger release. Heh, I'm liking to see how I'm getting able to make longer plans ahead.