There are choices and actions I do that seem to be done in a burst of luck and inspiration that makes those moments so divided from my usual manual thoughts. It’s as if my instinct was far more wise than my reasoned habits.
One of the characteristics of this instinctive knowledge is that later analysis show depth we weren’t even aware the first time. For instance, it’s in the making of the Fire Ensemble, or the title of this blog that came natural to me. It came from one of these moments, and only later I would understand. And yet, it seems those things don’t need to be bestened.
It’s an idea related to automatic behavior, such as how I going just by following the winds. I have this fear that this thing in my spirit that is taking me could one day just disappear. The blackouts happen when this inner strength I have is gone and it’s all pointless.
Sometimes it also happens I realize the things I am doing, and this fire vanishes as I think of how stupidly bold I am to be attempting doing this. And then, all this dedication and discipline would be gone. After all, I’m going more like I had a gun pointed at my head.