My most terrorizing realizations with time is, obviously, seeing my time taking days and years from my life. That has been influenced by those Utgard wars as I’ve been feeling like both my spirit and body were as if failing. That could only be aging taking its toll so suddenly. But then I started noticing that age is really much more something of the spirit than the body.
In the spam of months, I’ve personally experienced being something like 43, 16, 25, 7 and 32 in this all fucked-up order. It’s so weird to think I’m feeling younger at the age of 24 than I was at 21. Though I’ve come to learn so much from life, I’ve grown weary and tired of certain things and people, but this is not a cumulative burden. One can let go of all of these worries and live happily even after all the troubles we’ve been in.
And another thing, I’m coming to realize something in both ways, first that growing older does not mean necessarily to become weaker and more tired and intolerant, and second because I was unconsciously taking that assumption for granted. Seeing it again with new eyes, being 16 or 25 I can be more devoid of energy than being 32 or 43.
Such a realization lets me rest assured that I can resist against the oppression and heaviness of time, by simply controlling my mind and my emotions. A pity that’s showing to be exactly one of my greatest weakenesses.