Sunday, September 1, 2013

Checkpoint #29

August was remarkably, historically great for me. It brought me so many great things and I am not used to have constant inner peace like this. I remember some long forgotten days when I would have an absolutely great day and I would be in ecstasy because of it, and now I've been having it like five times more often. I am not, but I can see myself getting used to it (and then starting taking it for granted, obviously, it's all about the Aftergoal Sphere [I can't believe I still remember all the names]).

This is suddenly twisting itself out into a great year, in spite of this late negligence for my blog. See, I've got some great accomplishments that put myself so distant from the person I was at the beginning of the year. A fairly decent job, a very sweet girlfriend, and also friending some great people once in a while. Obrigado Mãe, Raquel, Carlos, Edson, Cami, Michael, Zé, Anil, e todos os outros. 

Again my hypothesis that when I'm happy I'm more prone to abandon this place are proved correct. But the reason I am not yet ready to come back seems to be that now I have the resolution not to give up, this suddenly leveled up and has become more serious a business now. All my ideas and plans seem more important to be shared this easily with the whole world...

But man, I do miss this place. I miss writing. I miss the soft and delicate art of tasting our feelings and gently labeling them with our words, an impression of our soul exposed to the outerworld. I miss sitting alone and quietly in the dark or under some lamp and practicing the activity of stretching out my sensibility to a whole new extent. I miss having ideas of the month and getting rid of all this overloaded state of my mind, and arranging them writings in interesting structures. God, I miss the discipline I used to have. That would be the cherry on top of all the great things happening to me.

And now I've got to my full strength once again. It's been really months since I felt this for more than a few hours: feeling strong and willing to stay up, sleep the barely minimum and to wake up and move and work and study and laugh and hug and kiss and feel alive. And I feel my drawings are getting every time better, all while still keeping that ideal of solidity still intact. I am even noticing a new spice to my style that I feel is going to add up to its artistic and even comercial value immensely, and I am really satisfied with that. And I feel the melodies I try to compose are also starting to have that interesting personality and, I don't know, topographic value (once missnamed as Broken Stasis or something [it's great they're all still fresh in my mind).

And the greatest of news, I've seemed to have found the first effective template pattern that is working to safely put Hrungnir at bay. And I wonder if it was being able to ward Hrungnir off or recent events gave me back some vitality, but thing is, the agonizing decay Zhu Rong was suffering from suddenly disappeared, and I am feeling a great joviality and energy that I'm going to waste no more. Glad all I've been feeling didn't have anything to do with aging, apparently.

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